Nilu's Natter

Giant's Bread - book review

2012-01-28T20:39:00.001+05:30

Agatha Christie, one of my favorite authors, wrote 6 novels under the pen name of Mary Westmacott at the beginning of her writing career. 'Giant's Bread' is one of these six novels.

Its hard to describe how I feel after reading it. It is a curious blend of a children's book, a love story, a tragedy, the story of the rise of a musical genius. It is narrated in the backdrop of the World war yet is primarily about a young man who has the streak of musical genius but doesn't know it. The analogy of his discovering his genius and a man discovering religious epiphany is interesting. The author seemed very influenced by the contemporary music and used it well to involve the three characters of Sebastian, Vernon and Jane.

All the characters are well-etched and original. The novel may have been a success in its time but in my view it was stretched too thin by the various twists and turns. While the twists pack an element of surprise and help take the story further, they also interrupt the unraveling of the characters.

Nell's character is by far the most understandable though not necessarily likeable. I felt that the character of Joe had a lot of promise, but she somehow lost steam and almost disappeared toward the end. The male protagonist is the least fathomable character by far. I never did understand how or why he fell for Nell. It is hard to conclude if any of his four dreams reach fruition or not. The character of Jane is the most lucid yet tragic. Sebastian stands firm and stolid through the ups and downs of his friends' lives. If only everyone were as certain and prosaic as him, life wouldn't be so difficult!

All in all, a very decent attempt at a tragic love story by Mary Westmacott. However, I feel it was written at the very beginning of her career as it lacks her usual finesse in plot construction and treatment. Despite packing a lot of ingredients, the dish ended up a trifle bland.

The date

2011-11-04T20:15:00.000+05:30

"How about a lunch date?" he asked. On any other day I'd have refused politely. But today was different. The work place was almost deserted as most folks were still enjoying their extended Diwali holidays. The boss was on vacation this week. As they say - when the cat is out the mice will play! Well, why not, said my heart. It had been so long since someone had asked me for a little fun just by ourselves. It had been so long since it had been possible.

"Yes", I typed in my chat window. "Where would you like to go?" he inquired. "Somewhere not too far" I replied. "You like pasta, right? How about a multi-cuisine restaurant that serves all kinds of cuisine?" he prodded. He then named a restaurant that was not too far away for a lunch break during office hours. Secretly pleased that he remembered what I liked from our previous conversations and was mindful about my taste, I replied "That sounds good." "Alright then, I'll come by to pick you up tomorrow. See you!" he promised and logged off. I could almost hear the anticipation in his words. I couldn't help feeling the rush of adrenaline at the thought of dressing up and being treated to a luxurious meal by a guy after such a long time.

The day passed pleasantly after that. I was lost in the excitement of the next day. Back home in the evening, hubby inquired about my day at the office. "You seem happy. Looks like it was a fun day" he said. I looked up at him quickly wondering if he could guess the reason for my preoccupation. But he was playing with our daughter and seemed oblivious to my mood.

I dressed carefully the next day. Western or casual is allowed on fridays at my organization and I chose the same. "You look great", quipped my husband as I was leaving for work. That brought a smile to my face. It was a painful exercise to wait until lunch time, but the hours passed quickly. I took one last look in the mirror before walking to the entrance lobby where he would be arriving soon. He came soon enough and off we drove to restaurant in his smart sedan. He inquired solicitously whether the AC was adequately cool in the car. I was wearing my sunglasses and he commented that I looked 'deadly'. I literally preened in my seat.

The restaurant was elegant, cozy and not too crowded. The service was prompt but not too rushed. We chatted about the food, the last movie seen by us and about some mutual friends. I couldn't remember the last time I had had such a peaceful meal. Usually, I sail through my lunches at work as I have to leave early to be in time for my daughter in the evenings. Dinner too is a rushed affair as my daughter likes to sit on my lap and wants to eat from my plate. Though that has a charm of its own, it is blissful to have a leisurely meal once in a while. Since there wasn't a lot of crowd, the staff had all the time to give us their undivided attention. I could feel their curious glances and speculation. For once though, I couldn't be bothered.

As with all good things, the meal came to an end too soon. He drove me back to my office. As we parted, he called out "Thank you so much for your lovely company - I think I was the most envied guy in that restaurant!" I thanked him for the lunch. He held my hand and continued "We should do this more often, Nilu. It has been so difficult to steal such private moments together in the last year or so. But now that our daughter is almost two, we should go out more often." I understood what he said. I had been too occupied with my work and our daughter. Such small pleasures as lunch outside with my dear husband had been unthinkable for me until now. I vowed to take out more time for the two of us moving forward.

The cricket match

2011-11-04T11:21:00.000+05:30

My nephew is nearly the same age as my daughter - just a month younger. Due to this, I and my sister-in-law could not spend a lot of time with each others' babies when they were in their first year. Part of the reason was also due to the facts that my daughter did not like it if I played with my nephew and she herself wouldn't go to her maami.

Once they started walking and communicating, it was fun to watch the two toddlers together. Also, it was great to see that the gender stereotypes surface at such a young age! My nephew is quite loud and not at all shy around strangers. He loves to play with bat-ball and throws things around. My daughter on the other hand, is painfully shy around new people, very clingy, loves to feed her teddy bear lovingly, is not noisy or rebellious and puts her toys away after playing. This could be because of their inherent natures too, not due to the gender - but it is amusing to see the differences :)

Just when they were getting to the interesting age when they like to play together, look out for each other and care for each other - my brother had to relocate to the States for a long-term assignment. A few weeks ago, we had been to their place to enjoy a sort of final bonding time before they left.

While his parents were partaking of their dinner, it fell upon me to entertain the kiddos so they would let the adults eat in peace. That's when I came up with the idea of the cricket match. My nephew chose to bowl and handed me the bat. My daughter was content to chase behind the ball or field. My dad acted as the umpire and mom was a spectator. And so began the famous match!

My brother has been obsessed with cricket from a very young age much to my irritation. It certainly showed in the skill with which my nephew was bowling - he had good genes and rigorous training! He bowled me out several times and squealed with joy, clapping his hands, whenever my dad called out the verdict. Soon though, I started anticipating his balls and played them so that they did not hit anyone, yet scored well. The excitement of the event was catching up with everyone. Hubby made a comment that he was impressed with my batting skills. That sure pleased me - for a guy to comment on his girl's sporting skills is a very big compliment in my book :) I took my batting even more seriously. The game went on for quite some time with everyone joining in the fun. Hope it registered as much with the little ones as it did with us adults.

Love you both! Hope they get to spend more time with each other once my brother is back from the States in 2 years....

Bones

2011-09-29T13:12:00.001+05:30

Both hubby and I enjoy watching the Bones crime drama series. Season 6 is almost ending on Star World.

The series based on forensic anthropology has won our hearts. Jostling for space among other crime series such as CSI, Criminal Minds, Numbers etc., this series stands out owing to its remarkable characters and well-written script. The concept of solving crimes based on just bones and no other physical evidence, is a novel concept at least to me. The series seems quite gory at times, definitely not for the squeamish. But once you get used to it, the story itself keeps you riveted. The two main protagonists - Dr. Temperance Brennan aka Bones and FBI Special Agent Seeley Booth, who are partners in solving crimes reported into the Jeffersonian Lab, are adorable! Their romance has been brewing since Season 1 and viewers (including us) are eagerly awaiting them to acknowledge their feelings finally. The other characters too make the serial an interesting watch.

The character of Bones, especially, who seems robotic and unemotional is very well-thought out. She has problems emoting and appears detached and overly rational. The ups and downs faced by the protagonists in their lives over the series and their special friendship and caring for each other is very touching. Both are scared to enter into a relationship at one or the other point in time with the result being that the viewers are left craving a happy ending. Hopefully, with the season ending this week, there will be some traction on this front :)

The strangest part is that my husband first started to watch it as it was based on crime drama. I got hooked onto it due to the romantic angle. But now, even my husband loves the romance aspect of it! He was quite furious when they introduced another lady in the male protagonist's life some time ago to speed things up:)

Love you Bones and Booth for making our evenings pleasant and giving us something to look forward to on the Idiot box!

Social Network

2011-06-26T23:18:00.000+05:30

The movie The Social Network disturbed me. It talked about the founder of Facebook - Mark Zuckerberg (brilliant performance by Jesse Eisenberg) and the many controversies (read lawsuits) surrounding his invention. If the allegations against him were true and he was guilty of stealing the idea of fellow students to found Facebook, I questioned myself if by using Facebook I was somehow supporting him .Also, his betrayal of his only best friend left a sour taste in my mouth.

Then again, maybe the guy is perfectly innocent. Its just that some folks got jealous of his tremendous success and decided to claim a piece of the pie for themselves. But the way the story is portrayed in the movie he sure comes off as a villain rather than a victim. His snobbish behavior with his girlfriend, his callous disregard for the girls of his college when he comes up with the application 'Facemash' and his petty comments to his friend on learning of his admission to the Phoenix club exposes the chinks in his character.

The irony of the movie is that despite being anti-social, Zuckerberg obviously cares about fitting in. He also understands what exactly people, especially college students, look out for in their social lives. No wonder Facebook became a whopping success overnight! True to one of the movie's taglines, you don't get 500 million friends without getting a few enemies.

The Social Network is not just about the making of the website -Facebook. It unerringly underlines the fact that every human being wants to be accepted by others and some go to desperate lengths to achieve that.

Sweet are the fruits of success!

2011-05-23T16:39:00.000+05:30

My cousin was ranked 42nd all over India in the Union Public Service Commission (UPSC) this year! In addition, he was ranked first in the city and fourth in the state. More than 1200 aspirants appeared for the exam this year out of which only 900 would get placed in various fields. After two unsuccessful attempts, he says he would've been happy just to get some rank to qualify for IAS, IPS or IFS. This result was far above his humble expectation and immediately brought him into the limelight.

The days after the result passed in a blur for him and his family as reporters kept hounding them for quotes and interviews. Their phones did not stop ringing for days. I felt proud, and touched, to watch him on TV, radio and newspapers talking about the entire experience.

My cousin has been staying in Delhi for the last 3 years preparing for this exam. The competition is tough and study time was 18 hours a day. He stayed away from home for the first time and the experience itself was an eye-opener for him. He slogged uncomplainingly and whenever he was in town he used to demand complete privacy in his room to study. His parents were not allowed to entertain parties at home as it took away from his study time. He barely ate during the days - hated to lose time in eating.

I remember a year ago when he was to attempt this exam for the second time. He had high fever. His parents forced him to board a train and come home. He was then admitted to a local hospital. The diagnosis itself took more than a week. After diagnosis, he had to spend more time in recovering his vitality. Precious time was lost from study in all this. The result - he did not clear the exam. His mom (my aunt) used to cry all the time for the loss of his tremendous efforts. How many astrologers and temples she must've visited to pray for his success!

Then there were those who nodded their heads in condolence in his presence but immediately judged behind his back that he simply did not have what it takes to succeed. 'Its a rat race out there', they said. Many pitied his parents for their blind faith in him. All his friends from college were well-placed with highly-paying secure jobs - some of them overseas. At 25, he was perhaps one of the few from his batch still studying (not earning). All of this changed overnight once the results were out. He is now the most eligible bachelor in town!

Incidences like these reinforce one's faith is the maxim 'There is no alternative to sheer hard work.' My cousin's steadfast belief that he wants to do something for the nation and not migrate to another nation is finally nearing fruition! I was amazed and impressed by his determination to not be tempted to go abroad for work or studies. He even rejected an offer from a well-known IT firm after his engineering degree to pursue his ambition. Well-done bro! You deserve this.

Innovation

2011-05-08T19:38:00.000+05:30

On the occasion of mother's day, I'd invited my mom and sis-in-law for lunch today. My nephew and dad too were with them. It was a fun occasion with us cooking, eating and cleaning together.With two toddlers of similar age in the house, the usual quota of liveliness was doubled :) There were hoots of joy whenever my nephew 'discovered' a new toy. And it was fun to watch my daughter busily stirring virtual ice-cream into her toy cup and feeding her cousin out of a spoon :) She was obviously imitating us adults.

With two kids, usually one or more adults has to entertain them during meals else the mothers never get to eat. So while hubby, my sister-in-law and I were eating, my parents were looking after them. My daughter wanted to be taken for a ride in her car. And my nephew was intent on pushing a chair around the hall. Having just finished a heavy meal, my mom did not relish the idea of pushing my daughter around in her car. So she innovated. She made my daughter sit in the car and made my nephew push it from behind. Lo, they were both getting to do what they liked and my mom watched them at leisure!

Being part of a product development organization, innovation is something that is talked about eternally around me. However, this is the first time I saw it being applied by someone from the older generation so effortlessly at home!

The woe of an employer

2011-04-16T16:19:00.002+05:30

Its hard to lose a trusted and long-standing employee. I recently lost a maid who served with me for seven years. She had become almost a part of my family by then. Everyone assumed that she was a permanent fixture in my home. She was what her family says a 'kalaakar'(artiste) among maids! It is similar to what we know as the 'high performing' employee in the corporate world. The ones who come with the label 'handle with care'. All managers who have such employees will empathize with the experience I went through with her.

She started off with the humble duties of sweeping and wiping the floor. But over the years, her diligence and integrity won our hearts over. She soon took over the kitchen reins and other aspects of housekeeping to a certain extent. So much so that she became indispensable for me. But as she grew into this key role, so did her ego. Somewhere along the line, I had started bowing to her demands. At first, I did not even realize it until my husband pointed it out. I used to silence him saying what did he know about handling maids?

I had a baby last year. I was so occupied with the baby that the maid's presence became even more essential in my life. She started dictating her timings, her pay, her duties...everything. Absolute power corrupts absolutely. Well, I saw it happening with my own eyes. Her vacation days, her demands for loans, bonus, gifts... everything increased. Which was still acceptable had the quality of her work kept up. However that had somehow dwindled over the years. I kept putting it down to her age though she is almost my age.

There were many times when we almost ended the relationship. But such discussions were usually very emotionally wrought with a lot of crying on her part. Every time I relented thinking she needs this job and I cannot do her out of it. This was against my husband's dire warning that she was simply taking advantage of me. Finally one day my patience snapped. When she threatened to resign I actually accepted her resignation. That was the end of it. I never thought it would end so abruptly. She stopped coming since the next day. She had been extremely attached to my daughter or so I thought. The fact that she hasn't asked after her even once since her departure shows that it was a sham.

We come across such employees at work too. At one point they are the most devoted, loyal and dependable employees. But they turn into a thorn in the side. What makes people so bitter? I do have another maid now and am actually paying less at the end of the month for her than before. But I still keep asking myself if it is a better bargain - after all I had invested so much in the other one.

Priceless moments

2011-04-08T22:04:00.000+05:30

Its amazing to watch one's child grow. My daughter is now a hyperactive and sharp 15 month old. She really surprises me sometimes when she emulates my expressions. When I'm watching my favorite soap on TV and laugh out loud, I am taken aback when I hear an echoing laughter from the other room! Then there are those times when I'm working in the kitchen and she is playing in the hall. I cough and immediately my darling tries to force out a cough too :)

Today I saw her trying to put my hairclip on top of her head in an effort to tie her hair! She has lately taken a teddy bear under her wing. Its amusing to see her try to put him to sleep or make him drink water from her sipper. Infact, I overheard her scolding him because he was not sleeping just the way I scold her when I put her to sleep:) She cannot speak most words yet, but her tone of voice is almost like mine. It is scary that my every action and word is being minutely observed and stored away for future reference by her. It is flattering and humbling at the same time.

Keys and cell phones are her favorite 'toys'. There is a big container which holds all her toys. Whenever she finds some 'treasure' such as keys or a cellphone lying around, it inadvertently finds its way into this container. She riffles through all the items in the container from time to time to look for a desired toy in just the same way I look for stuff in my handbag :)

Just the other day, hubby and I were having a heated discussion on some household topic. We were not arguing or fighting, just got carried away in the discussion so much so that we forgot that our daughter was playing in the other room. We were reminded of that when she came running to where we were and cried to show that she was disturbed by our 'fight'. When we both smiled at her reassuringly, she went back to her toys happily.

My daughter sometimes takes a long time to go to sleep. The ritual is that we retire to her bed armed with a bottle of water and some milk. She then drinks some milk first and settles into her favorite sleeping posture. But almost immediately she gets restless and tries to play with some toys that are nearby. I then sing to her and pat her forehead rhythmatically. However, even then she just lies there without completely going to sleep. This whole process takes more than half an hour sometimes. Nowadays, I just carry a book and lie down next to her reading it while she goes through the usual rigmarole of sleeping. As long as I am next to her, she is perfectly happy to wait for sleep to overcome her. I wasn't aware how observant she is during this time too. I realized it when I saw her carry one of her books to bed the other day and hold it just the way I hold mine. She then tried to read very seriously out of it!

And finally, the moment that takes the cake - when she fell down while playing (which happens quite often, by the way) and immediately cried 'Mummy!' I was so overwhelmed then - how do kids know to cry out for their mother when in pain? We as adults do it even now. Truly, mother-child bond is a unique one.

Of weddings and funerals

2011-03-27T19:32:00.000+05:30

There was death in my family a few days ago. My grandmother, who suffered from a weakened heart condition and multiple other ailments, succumbed in the early hours of rang panchami day. She was to celebrate her 75th birthday on Apr 5. She suffered much in her life, but achieved a lot too. May her soul rest in peace.

Weddings and funerals are the time when families - immediate and extended- come together for a common cause. While I've attended many weddings, this was the first death(and funeral) I have experienced. Understandably then, it has left an impact.

Grief and regret are the most common emotions when faced with a death. Regret is usually in the form of 'if only I'd met / called her yesterday'. Or 'if only we hadn't fought the last time we talked'. Grief is a powerful emotion that takes even the strongest ones by surprise. Actually, its a bit confusing - those who you think are the 'strongest' are totally devastated by grief and others whom you regarded as 'weak' astound you by their stoicism and composure.

When a family is large and spread across various cities, it is a challenge to get everyone together for giving a final farewell to the departed. Someone has to take charge of the practicalities such as mode of funeral. Everyone has their own interpretation of what the departed soul really wished to be done after his/her death. It is further colored by their own preferences and beliefs.

The sheer physical effort involved on the part of family members - especially the one who performs the funeral rites, was a revelation. My perception was probably due to what is seen in movies where one usually sees the male protagonist lighting the pyre with a flaming torch and then spreading the ashes in a flowing river. This perception too was laid to rest as I saw my dear father (eldest son-in-law of my late grandma) perform all the rites without a murmur of complaint.

The best part of both weddings and funerals is that everyone comes through for each other in their hour of happiness or grief -be it neighbours, friends, family and extended relatives. It is at times like these that the true nature of people is revealed. There were some who could not help stealing a glance at the cricket score even during the funeral. And then there were those who traveled across the country to be in time for the funeral. As they say, it takes all kinds.

International Women's Day

2011-03-09T23:58:00.000+05:30

The significance of Mar 8 has gone up manifold off late. So much so that not wishing a woman in your life on this day is tantamount to insulting or neglecting her. Even in big corporates, there is a lot of emphasis on promoting gender diversity. There are various publicized advantages of this such as different perspectives are brought in etc.

Frankly all this hullabaloo leaves me more confused rather than elated. Is it something to be proud of that the world celebrates an entire day for us women? Is one day enough to justify our importance? Some men say - aren't all days women's days? This year is the centennial year for the women's day celebration. Does that mean that for last 100 years, the status of women in society has remained pretty much the same? Is it something to rejoice over or ponder over gravely?

Flash back a 100 years and we can see that women the world over have risen remarkably in esteem and power. Today's woman walks shoulder to shoulder with men in all walks of life. At the same time, she still rules the roost on the home front. Many men have ventured into the feminine domains of the kitchen and childcare but there is still a long way to go. Working women had to be literally superwomen to be able to juggle all their responsibilities earlier. Nowadays the rules have been relaxed a bit on both the home as well as work fronts. With husbands helping out with household chores, parents pitching in with childcare and employers allowing work-from-home policies, women can balance their work and home lives much better today. They no longer feel guilty and unfulfilled. Infact having a career is not considered taboo for a woman anymore. She can drive, operate complicated gadgets, handle her own finances and supervise a bevy of support staff - be it maids, cooks, nannies, daycare staff to ensure smooth running on the homefront.

Men on the other hand do not seem to be doing anything drastically different from what they were doing a 100 years ago. They still love to follow games(earlier over radio, now on trendy 42" LCD TV), meet up for gossip over beer or chai, discuss the latest gadgets, share financial advice, crib about wife and the mother-in-law and rail at the increasing taxes and inflation.

Perhaps it is time to have an International men's day? They too need the tender loving care and focus that we women have enjoyed for the last century.

What does it mean to be an Indian?

2011-01-26T21:21:00.001+05:30

The Indian identity

The underlying theme of the R-day this year (as with every year) is patriotic. It made me ponder what exactly does it mean to be an Indian? Having grown up listening to mythological tales of Lord Krishna and Ram, and political legends such as Gandhi and Nehru, I thought the entire world identified us Indians with these names. In contemporary times, its Amitabh Bachchan, Shah Rukh Khan and Aishwarya Rai-Bachchan who were among the first Indians to be 'waxed' at Madame Tussaud's after Mahatma Gandhi. Much to my surprise then, when we arrived in the USA about a decade ago, I realized that people associated India with elephants, snake-charmers and the Kamasutra. One of the most well-known cities of India was not Delhi - our nation's capital, but Goa(!) for its beaches, feni and rave parties.

Lately, in the wake of Deepak Chopra's remarkable rise to popularity, India is also in the limelight for Ayurveda and Yoga. Sadly, among the Indians living abroad, India is still defined by corrupt politicians, filthy roads, loud noise during weddings & festivals; raucous, nosy relatives and spicy, tasty food. Despite being a civilization that is hundreds of thousands years old, with a rich cultural heritage; though India enjoys enviable unity amongst diverse religions, communities and languages- sadly, it has no definite identity for the world at large. Known as 'Sone ki chidiya' (golden sparrow) in ancient times for its abundant crops and spices, it was reduced to one of the 'developing' nations of the third world post numerous invasions and plundering.

Steeped in (oft debated) virtues of forgiveness, sacrifice and non-violence, we have nonetheless achieved significant progress on almost all fronts be it business, technology, medicine, education, entertainment, sport and even space travel. Today we are an economy to contend with, students across the globe flock to our universities, our films are respected and acknowledged at various premiere film festivals, our cuisine one of the most popular ones in international restaurants and our cities are coveted tourist destinations. India has finally arrived despite grave reservations (pun intended), natural as well as man-made calamities(read terrorism).

Somewhere along the line though, our joint family system, our definition of right and wrong, our values of 'pran jaayi par vachan na jaayi' (Life will end but promises once made won't die) and simple living have become diluted. Exhibiting our famous flexibility and expansive nature, we have embraced the culture of other nations along with their daughters as an integral part of our families. Where else can you see people tucking into salads, sushi, noodles and pasta with as much gusto as with makke di roti, sarson da saag and aamti-bhaat! Shopping malls and cineplexes have replaced the chaupati and dhabas. But then where else can we find maids who tote cell phones yet clean your homes as if its their own! Indian culture of today is a curious amalgamation of the traditional and modern. A glass-fronted restaurant and paan ki tapri stand side by side and make equal business.

For me, being an Indian means growing up to the melodies broadcast on Vividh Bharati, watching the sole channel - Doordarshan on television, playing hide and seek and carom during summer vacations, reading Archies comics, Asterix and Tintin, walking to school, corresponding with relatives over snail mail and eating a simple meal with very little variation every day. But for my daughter, being an Indian will be mean something very different. As the neurologist and philosopher Gerhard Roth observes, "Irrespective of its genetic endowment, a human baby growing up in Africa, Europe or Japan will become an African, an European or a Japanese. And once someone has grown up in a particular culture and, let us say, is 20 years old, he will never acquire a full understanding of other cultures since the brain has passed through the narrow bottleneck of culturalization."

Catching up....

2011-01-23T15:05:00.004+05:30

On the eve of Bal Thackeray's birthday today, his daughter-in-law appeared on a popular marathi talk show (Khupte tithe Gupte). Not sure if it was planned or sheer coincidence. Off late this show is gaining ground with the marathi viewers as it showcases some scintillating conversations with Maharashtrian celebrities from the world of cinema, sports or politics. It is in the league of 'Koffee with Karan' and the host - Avadoot Gupte, is comparable with Karan Johar! However, whether its because of the host, or the guests, the regional show has more straight talk and less controversies :)

Yesterday's episode was insightful as well as touching. The other guest, alongwith Smita Thackeray, was the popular lady director and actor of marathi cinema, theatre & TV- Smita Talwalkar. Both ladies came across as strong and dignified. Both had fought their own battles in life and emerged victorious. The senior Smita T beat ovarian cancer and lives to tell the tale. Her stoicism is truly inspiring- she actually talked about her diagnosis, biopsy and treatment with great humor. Picked up some less-known tidbits about the formidable Bal Thackeray - that he used to be a cartoonist, has a great sense of humor and keeps everyone at home in splits!

The show has some sensational impromptu performances by guests. Yesterday Ms. Talwalkar's heart-wrenching performance had me crying toward the end. Avadoot Gupte too is a multi-talented persona - be it music direction, film direction, writing scripts and now a talk show host; he has his fingers in every pie. Inspite of being a maharashtrian, I've spent my entire childhood in Gujarat. This show. and especially yesterday's episode, reminds me of the rich heritage of literature, theatre and music that we have in Maharashtra. There is a lot I've missed out on while growing up and plan to catch up on in the coming years...

2011 so far....

2011-01-15T14:13:00.000+05:30

Just a fortnight into 2011 and I've already got a taste of what the year will be like! Its been a very busy yet enjoyable time. What with rejoining work after a long hiatus and celebrating my daughter's first birthday under the sun - its been a roller coaster ride. The days seem to have whooshed by. There were visits by relatives over the first two weekends of Jan. The birthday party turned into a dynamic bash. With so many kiddos teeming over the place, the venue reverberated with joy and warmth on a cold, cold evening. The shower of blessings from so many elders and gifts from so many friends - my daughter has been granted a rightful place in the hearts of many well-wishers. The house was resplendent with balloons, gifts and scent of a great accomplishment post the party.

The third weekend is full with invitations of Anu's newly acquired friends! Its a definite omen that our social life is now tightly enmeshed with my daughter's social life for some time.

Work-wise too, it has been a struggle to find the physical stamina to last the 8 hours of work plus the time spent during commuting. The help of family and other members has overwhelmed me and given a lot of encouragement. And most importantly, the cooperation of my darling daughter has been the icing on the cake :)

A couple of lessons learned too in so short a time! Some things never change with time while life totally changes due to some things. Also, everything that happens, happens for the best. All in all, a blessed beginning to the new year !

2010 in retrospect....

2010-12-23T23:33:00.001+05:30

How has the year 2010 been for me? Happening, life-changing, invigorating, eye-opening....

Health was in focus in the first quarter. The addition of two new members(babies) to the family brought joy, responsibility and sleepless nights :) Watching our daughter grow, and growing with her, has been the highlight of this year. The warmth and reassuring support of family, friends, colleagues, and even the maid, has overwhelmed me. A major overhaul of living quarters, family relationships, life habits and daily routine has virtually changed my life. The year has been an eye-opener regarding my strengths as well as limitations - physical, mental and emotional. An year of tough decisions and even tougher execution.

2010 - An year of pain, ecstasy, frenzied activity, creativity, rejuvenation, togetherness, belonging.... and miracles!

TV Mania

2010-12-21T18:22:00.002+05:30

I've always wondered why some folks (read ladies) are so hooked onto some soaps on the TV. Especially, ladies of my mom's generation are hopeless addicts. The soap may drag on for years together; yet they loyally adjust their routines around it so that they do not have to miss a single minute of it! Weekends are intolerable for them as there are no TV shows then! Calling them or expecting them to call you while their soap is playing is akin to a crime. Even if she has to miss the show in case she is traveling (or something), my mom makes me watch it so I can tell her the story later :)

For the last few months I've been on a break from work. Staying at home gave me a couple of hours everyday to bond with the idiot box. I too have been hooked onto some shows during this time - some of them thrillers, some soaps, a couple of talk shows and even a reality show. I can now understand the affinity for these shows that some folks have. When you've connected with the characters and watched them evolve on the reel, you feel anxious to know how life will turn out for them! Newsflash for people who claim that watching anything other than news or Discovery is trash - some of these shows are quite informative as well as entertaining.

Now that I'm re-joining work soon, I am going to miss my time with television.

Old ties last long

2010-12-13T12:26:00.002+05:30

Last Thursday I received a pleasant surprise. My cell rang just as I was getting ready to put my daughter to sleep in the afternoon. It was an unknown number and I thought of ignoring it. But then picked it up anyway. A stranger spoke at the other end "Nilambari?", he inquired. I replied in the affirmative. "Can you guess who this is?" he teased. Now my curiosity was fully aroused. The caller sounded middle-aged yet excited to hear my voice. Then suddenly it clicked who he might be. I guessed and he was astounded as well as pleased to confirm it :) It was our old family friend from Baroda!

Uncle used to be head of the Geology department in the Faculty of Science back in Baroda. Though all his children were much older to myself and my brother, we used to enjoy our visits to their home situated in the verdant University grounds. Drawing rangoli in Diwali with their artist son, playing badminton with their daughter in the front yard (until she was lost to the world of medicine!), savoring goodies made by aunty and listening to their youngest son vocalizing classical strains, accompanied by his brother on the tabla, are some of my fond memories of that family! My hubby interrogated me about them at length to indulge my nostalgia :)

Uncle-aunty had moved to Lucknow more than 15 years ago, where he had accepted vice-chancellorship at Lucknow University. All their children too had moved out of Baroda on account of employment or marriage. Over the years, they used to keep in touch with my parents over the phone. I used to hear of the whereabouts of various members of their family from my parents and also about the ups and downs in their life. Some years ago, uncle-aunty moved to my current city where they have had a family home for years. I had even visited them briefly and shared my then local number.

On Thursday uncle called up my old number, tracked down my current one and then called to give me a surprise! He then proceeded to tell me the latest news in the family and extract the same from me. Turns out that he wanted to invite me for a family function. When he came to know that my parents too were situated in the same city he called them up too.

Yesterday, we all attended the above function and met all his children with their respective broods :) What's more, uncle had planned this as a surprise for his own family! How we enthused endlessly on this chance meeting in years. We oohed and aahed over the changes time had wrought over us. It was a warm reunion on a cold December day. Now that we are back in touch, hope to continue meeting over various other functions too! What a small world it is - we've picked up where we left off in a different city after many long years.

The art of gifting

2010-12-09T11:53:00.000+05:30

As children, we all love gifts. Whether its our birthday, Diwali, Christmas or any other occasion, the thrill of anticipation gets our adrenalin pumping! Even as adults the thrill doesn't fade, though we try to hide it behind a mask of indifference. The suspense of what our organization has decided to bestow as Diwali gift keeps us enthralled. Children nowadays not only expect gifts on their own birthday, but also a return gift on their friends' birthday!

There is a special joy is giving gifts too. Indeed, a whole new industry has sprung up on the concept of gifting novel items for various occasions. The entire exercise of selecting an appropriate gift after painstaking research, wrapping it up creatively and then presenting it to the subject with a flourish has caught on big time. The joy of the receiver on beholding the gift is a reward in itself.

Gone are the days when the thought behind the gift mattered. Most people have precise expectations even for gifts. The daily help expects cash-only gifts - sari or other useful household items hold no allure for them. Children want toys that are currently in vogue with other kids. The wife wants exclusive jewelry, branded perfume or designer wear. The husband wants the most expensive watch, a smart phone or an ipod. Elders want chocolates and foreign vacations as gifts. The surprise element is all but gone from the art of gifting.

Sometimes, when you have hunted high and low for an exclusive present, and to have it rejected as it does not meet expectations can be very disappointing. However, the trick is to not let this dim your enthusiasm for gifting. The exception does not maketh the rule. Deep-down, the thought behind the gift does count and people do appreciate the gesture though they might neglect to express it. The idea is to draw pleasure from the art of gifting, and not get bogged down by expectations and trends.

Is the current generation too open?

2010-12-06T11:49:00.001+05:30

I distinctly remember how disgusted my grandmom was on seeing a man shave in one of the TV serials. This was about 13 years ago. She maintained that shaving was a private ablution and hence not fit for public consumption. I never did understand her disgust then, but compared to what all is shown on TV these days - I feel it is pretty mild :) Since I no longer stay with granny, I can only imagine what her reaction is these days! My ears are still burning from her loud indignation over phone the other day regarding violation of the solemn act of giving birth in some movies.

One of my friends has settled in India after almost a decade-long stint abroad. And I recall her, and her husband, being aghast at the ads being aired on TV in India. They were scared of the impact these ads would have on their children. I mean, come on, you've lived abroad(!) I argued silently. But, its a fact that the ads on TV these days not only embarrass you, but also make you the target of a lot of curious questions from kids. One needs to be prepared for such situations.

Just last night, I was watching yet another episode on Season 3 of 'Koffee with Karan'. Now back in Season 1, the guests on this show were very discrete and tactful, almost painfully so! However, the current set of guests has no qualms about washing their dirty linen in public and bad-mouthing their ex'es. Its such bad etiquette. Forums such as Twitter, Facebook and private blogs too have loosened people's tongues. Celebrities take pleasure in airing their differences in front of all and sundry. One is left thinking that they should add a course in discretion to the list of classes for dance, weight-training, diet and grooming for these stars.

Our generation has definitely opened up more than the former - love marriages, divorces and more working women being proof thereof. However, I think we've lost out on making a point without stating the obvious. Some things are better left unsaid and some skeletons are best left in the cupboard. It adds to the charm and mystery of life.

Passion

2010-11-25T23:37:00.000+05:30

Read something interesting today.

Ever wondered why some childhood friends got into physical fights or threw tantrums all the time? Why some children are argumentative and rebellious while others are perfectly docile and malleable? Well, the difference is passion. What is passion? Passion is a powerful emotion, such as love, joy, hatred, anger, enthusiasm, etc. It can also be an object or something that we love or desire.

Some of us are gifted with an overabundance of passion. If it does not find an outlet, it manifests as temper tantrums and physical violence. It can be understood if seen in children, but we see it many times in adults too.There can be several outlets for passion. Once you have figured out which one works best the road to a peaceful and calm existence is paved. Indeed, if passion does not find expression, it can turn inside and become destructive. The trick is to leverage it constructively.

For some, it takes a lifetime to discover what they are passionate about, while others become aware much earlier. Sometimes we are astonished by the sweeping change in a childhood friend. Where did she get this angelic 'halo' when she was a fire-brand rebel while growing up, you wonder! You can be sure that this person has learned to harness her passion creatively.

Formality in relationships - is it so bad?

2010-11-20T22:55:00.000+05:30

Indian upbringing has very little respect for formality. True, we are brought up to respect our elders and to do their bidding unquestioningly. We are expected to touch their feet everytime we meet them. But other than this, formality in relationships is usually absent. When you move to a new neighborhood, a nosy neighbor drops in with a piping dish and does not hesitate to ask every last detail about your family. Are you married? How many kids? Normal delivery or Caesarian?! When a girl is first introduced to her husband's family, she is interrogated about her life so far. If she fails to respond warmly to this kind of informality, she is immediately branded as aloof or snooty. This works the other way too. If there is an older parent living with you - you want to know where he/she went, whom they met, are they dressed appropriately? You basically forget that these are the folks who toilet-trained you, taught you how to tie your shoelaces. And suddenly, you treat them like another child.

Basically there is no room for privacy or 'space' in our culture. And cultures that have it in abundance viz. America - well, we look down upon the family structure they have. "The children out of the house by age 18! Not staying with or supporting old parents! Old age homes! In our country, we have mother's day and father's day everyday of the year..." These are the judgemental cracks you get to hear regarding the Americans - this includes NRIs. Divorce used to be an ugly word. Every Tom, Dick and Harry wants to express an opinion on your marriage. Whereas in the States, no one thinks to question your marital status unless he is intending to propose/date you.

Indians pride themselves on their informality. When they travel abroad, they sing praises of the natural and man-made beauty there but at the same time they wonder at the 'cold and distant' behavior by the natives. Reserve and shyness are negative traits as far as Indians are concerned. Any relationship that does not have passionate outbursts is alien and suspicious to us.

Yes, US. For I too belong to the category that abhorred reserve and formality. I have always found it hard to put my faith in people who cannot or will not express their emotions openly. But over the years I've learned that there is no correct way to demonstrate one's feelings. Some people are good at it, some try to be, and others suck at it or just won't try. It doesn't mean that they do not feel anything. Of course, anyone who has heard of emotional intelligence knows that its good for your relationships, and your health, to be able to communicate your thoughts and emotions effectively. We Indians set a lot of store by intelligence quotient (IQ), but unfortunately, very few of us understand the importance of emotional intelligence quotient (EQ). Those who have high EQ have mastered the art of LIFE.

There are various factors at play here. No two fingers of your palm are alike. In the same way, every member in the family is different and has been through different experiences. If people accept these differences and learn to live with them, there would be very little friction in families. Besides, its more peaceful when various members in serious disagreement voice their opinions in a more civil, if cold, manner than resorting to harsh, unforgiving words or violence. As long as the invisible line of civility is not crossed, relationships can survive a lot of strain. However, when the basic civilities are forgotten, then in the long run resentment and bitterness set in. What is the point is carrying on such relationships even if you share the same roof as family? It is better to part and be civil than stay and hate each other everyday. There is a certain grace in formality and giving each other space. There are some decisions that need to be taken as a family and some that are very personal. The trick is knowing which is which.

Transparency

2010-11-10T17:40:00.000+05:30

This happened the other day while we were visiting my SIL's place for Diwali. I was enjoying an afternoon siesta whereas my hubby was babysitting our 10 month old since she refused to sleep. His sister too gave them company. I was awoken to my baby crying loudly. When I rushed out to see what was ailing her, she started smiling on seeing me and clapped her hands. As I picked her up in my arms, she slobbered my face with wet kisses - so overwhelmed was she to see me! I cannot even begin to express how that made me feel.

Its fun watching the play of various expressions on my daughter's face - her joy on beholding something she loves, her fear on encountering strangers or loud noise, her inquisitive look when she finds something new and interesting, her disgust when she tastes something she doesn't like, her anger when she is in the middle of a tantrum and her hurt when I scold her.... The expressions of a child are so refreshingly transparent. They leave nothing to read between the lines.

Why can't we, as adults, express ourselves this openly? When do we lose the capacity to mirror our thoughts while growing up? With the disappearing transparency of our expressions, we consciously lose transparency in our speech and actions too. Somewhere down the line subtlety, tact and cunning replace the innocence of our childhood. We are afraid to show our hurt, we bolster our fear with bravado, we mask our love, restrain our anger and abhor public displays of affection. We do all this under the guise of etiquette and social norms. Unfortunately not only does this increase our stress, it also leads to a lot of miscommunication. And yet, we are touched by the simple manners of village folk or those urban folks who have managed to salvage their innocence.

It is true that society demands all this so that people do not hurt each other through thoughtless speech. And its true also that most negative emotions are hidden due to fear of rejection by society. But perhaps when we teach our young ones to become less transparent, we should also tell them why it is being taught. This may help them to discern when to mask which feelings and when to express others.

The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes Toy Story 3 Kindle Wireless Reading Device, Wi-Fi, 6" Display, Graphite - Latest Generation

The Gift

Of lies and motherhood

2010-10-22T12:26:00.004+05:30

I am currently hooked onto the new TV series on Star World - "Lie to Me". The show replaced the "Bones" series which I used to follow avidly, hence I was a bit skeptical if I'd like this one. The serial is about the 'Lightman Group' that accepts assignments from third parties and assists in investigations, reaching the truth through applied psychology and micro expressions. It sure opened my eyes to the minutiae of facial expressions and body language and how they can help one detect lies. In some cases, even lack of expression is a sound clue. The comedy in the series is brought about when the "Lie experts" cannot hide their true feelings from each other!

I was particularly impressed by an episode where a couple of adopted girls are kidnapped by their psychologist. The episode had the usual surprise element and brilliant deduction. However, what touched me was the underlying motherhood element in it. There are so many layers to motherhood that somehow never get adequate exposure through literature or media. Especially adoptive mothers or mothers whose children are not biological. No matter which race, nationality, class or status a woman belongs to - being a mother, and a good mother at that, is extremely important to her. I guess that is what is called the biological urge of every female. This urge has sometimes negative repercussions too as a mother may go to any lengths to protect her motherhood. As is seen in the episode where the psychologist kidnaps two of her patients as stand-ins for her dead daughter.

A particularly poignant scene is where the victim girl's mother accuses one of the experts of not understanding as she is not a mother. Turns out that she had been a mother after all, however briefly. Sadly, in spite of going through motherhood, most women are still not understanding of another mother's pain. Also, the pain when a child rejects her parent's love is much more intense in mothers rather than fathers. It can drive mothers to depression or even violence, and in some cases, total indifference.

Motherhood - what we know and hear about it is only the tip of the iceberg.

Your tongue is the translator of your intellect.

2010-09-21T20:03:00.003+05:30

Here is a story .....with a good moral and message, which I received over email.

As King Haroun and Queen Zubayda were sitting in their palace one day, a fisherman who was selling fresh fish was brought in front of them. King Haroun decided to buy a fish and gave the fisherman 4000 dirhams for it.

The fisherman was overjoyed. He thanked King Haroun and left.

Queen Zubayda turned to her husband in anger and scolded him for paying so much for a fish. King Haroun let her have her say, but said that the fish was purchased and that there was nothing that could be done about it.

However, the Queen was adamant and insisted that the fisherman be brought back.

“We will ask the fisherman about the gender of the fish,” she said. “If he answers that it is female, we will say that we wanted a male fish and if his response is that it is male, we will say that we wanted a female fish! Either way, we will be able to return the fish and have our money back.”

So the poor fisherman was called back and was asked the question.

Fortunately, he was clever enough not to be caught out.
He replied, “The fish is neither male or female. It is eunuch (neutral).”

King Haroun was so impressed by the ingenuity of the man that he ordered a further 4000 dirhams to be paid to him. The fisherman thanked the King again but as he was about to leave with the heavy bag of money, one of the coins fell onto the floor. The fisherman immediately bent down to look for the coin. Queen Zubayda was already upset that the fisherman had been given 8000 dirhams.

“Look how miserly this man is!” the Queen exclaimed. “One coin has fallen out of his bag full of money and he searches for it, instead of leaving it for some other poor servant to find.”

The man heard this remark and said, “O Queen, it is not out of miserliness that I search for the coin, but rather because it had the picture of generous King Haroun on it. I would not tolerate anyone to cause dishonour to the King by treading on the coin.”

The King was so happy with this response that he immediately called for another 4000 dirhams to be given to the fisherman. When Queen Zubayda saw all this, she thought it was better to hold her tongue and let the man go with 12000 dirhams before the King decided to increase the amount again.

Lessons from Life:
* Speech is an Art. If one has the viveka(discrimination) of what, how, when, how much and whom to talk, then such a person will be successful in life.

* The beauty of man / woman is in the clarity of his / her tongue speech.

* Our tongue is the translator of our intellect.

In other words, a person’s intellect and wisdom is recognized through his / her speech.

Creativity & commerce amidst festival

2010-09-15T21:32:00.008+05:30

Its that time of the year when Maharashtrians celebrate the Ganesh festival. Ganeshji's idol is brought and installed at home on the day of Ganesh Chaturthi with a lot of pomp and show.

The preparation for this begins days earlier. Elaborate decorations are planned for hosting the idol in the house. Children of the house take an active part in this decoration. Nowadays, there is a "green" theme to these decorations. Idols turn up in the markets a fortnight in advance. Lot of care is taken to select the idol. Again here, the paint for these idols is increasingly available in ecologically safe colors. They should dissolve naturally when the visarjan or water immersion happens, usually in rivers or other water bodies, ten days post the installation.

There is a whole industry that specializes in the creation of Ganeshji's sculptures. They come in a lot of sizes and themes. A multi-storeyed handicrafts store will be required to showcase all the exclusive creative idols of Ganesh made so far. Usually there is some historical or mythological play in the form of puppets being played that accompanies the idol. This play is part of the theme for the decoration.

In societies housing a bevy of apartments, a single idol is installed in the club-house or any such common area by all the enthusiastic residents. Aarti takes place twice a day - in the mornings and the evenings. This is an occasion when the residents get an opportunity to interact while decorating the idol's abode, preparing prasad, enjoying games, competitions and food together. In our complex, there is a Ganesh idol-making competition held among the children. Each child makes an idol out of clay and then paints it. On the day the idol is installed, and pooja being performed, all the children perform pooja for their respective idols too.

The sweet - modak that is prepared as prasad for Ganeshji is a special favorite. There is a lot of creativity involved in the preparation of modaks too.

Thus, right from the idol sculptors, to the flower vendors, the decoration specialists, the sweet shops and even the hawkers selling their wares outside well-known Ganesh temples - all gain from this festival. Creativity abounds in the form of making or selection of idols, decorations, sweets, scrapbooks of Ganeshji's pictures etc. The Lezim dance that is performed during the visarjan procession is something worth watching at least once in your lifetime.

Hats off to Lokmanya Tilak who first thought of making this festival a public celebration that was hitherto limited to worship at homes only! Not only does it keep the tradition alive in the minds of the young, it brings families and friends closer, provides an outlet for the creative juices and also boosts the economy. Sadly, it also boosts the noise levels sometimes. But its a small price to be paid for all the other advantages.

Patience

2010-08-19T23:19:00.004+05:30

Dedicated to my 7-month old daughter...

Dear daughter,

For the last few months, you have been my teacher. What my elders could never get me to do, you did without making me feel inconvenienced. I now get up at all hours of the night and even at the crack of dawn. I have given up the comforts of the sofa and the bed so that I can be with you on the floor. I'm used to working with one eye peeled so that you do not crawl to a forbidden area or lick our slippers. My ears are tuned to your slightest cry of hunger or discomfort. My nose alerts me whenever you wet your nappy. My hands tie the strings of your nappy automatically even in the middle of the night. I have re-discovered the joy of nursery rhymes, of breaking into a song in the midst of a chore and of playing with silly little toys.

When you kick the tumbler of water as I wash you;
When you upturn the can of powder and spill it all over the place,
When you drool your feed all over my new dress,
Or wet my freshly changed clothes ,
When you push the spoon away as I try to feed you,
Or squirm persistently as I try to dress you,
I no longer shout or scream in anger.
Instead I smile at you and revel in your smile in return.

When you giggle at the faces I make,
When your eyes search for me if I'm not there,
and when they gleam with happiness on noticing me,
When your hands reach out to caress my face
As I am putting you to sleep,
When you reach a new milestone in your short life,
Or rest in my arms trustingly when there's a storm blowing outside,
Oh doll! you have no idea,
Of the peace and completeness you give me
Even though my house is in a mess.

You've brought my family closer. You've given me a new identity in the neighborhood as your mother.
You've sharpened all my senses and enhanced my joy in small things.
You have taught me the importance of a routine. You've taught me to multi-task and use both my hands at the same time.
And what's more, you have taught me to be patient. For aren't you patient and forgiving to still love me even when I fail to interpret your cries sometimes?

Classmates

2010-08-17T22:47:00.003+05:30

Disclaimer - This post is not original. It was a forward in marathi that I received over email. I've only translated it for sharing with a larger audience. I hope this never happens with me though :)

I suffered from a persistent toothache all last week and for the first time in my life I visited a dentist. While awaiting my turn in the waiting room, I glanced through all the certificates that adorned the wall. That's when I noticed the full name on the Certificate - Nandkishore Pradhan. He was the hero of my batch in school! Tall, fair, blue-eyed - he was the poster hero and all the girls in my class, including myself, were infatuated with Nandu. At the thought of meeting him again my 50-year-old heart started beating a wild tattoo.

As I entered the main room, I was taken aback to see the change in him. His hairline was receding. His chubby cheeks of adolescence were made even chubbier with age. He had a nice paunch and his mesmerizing blue eyes were hidden behind thick spectacles.

He did not recognize me though. After the check-up, I asked him "Did you study in the Apte school?"
"Yes" he replied with surprise.
"When did you complete Matriculation? In 1966?" I further inquired.
"That's right! But how did you know?" he exclaimed in surprise.
"You were in my class, you know." I informed him, eagerly waiting for his eyes to gleam with recognition at last.
But that balding, pot-bellied, bespectacled Nandu asked politely instead "What class did you teach, ma'am?"

Zodiac signs - 12 or 13?

2010-08-17T09:42:00.005+05:30

Last Sunday, while I was enjoying a much-deserved afternoon siesta, my cell phone rang abruptly. It was my uncle calling. Without so much as a greeting, he straight away shot a question at me "Have you read today's newspaper?" I hadn't actually since my daughter had kept me busy since morning. He then said that he wanted my opinion on the news that had appeared in the paper. Apparently, the International Astronomical Union had announced that there is a 13th zodiac sign. There had been a lot of debate on this for years and it had finally been made official. He then proceeded to tease me, as is his wont - "Now your astrology has gone for a toss. Due to the introduction of this new sunsign, I and your father belong to the same zodiac whereas we are poles apart in nature. How do you explain that?" I told him that I would get back to him on this as I had yet to read the paper.

On googling the net, I discovered that there was indeed a 13th zodiac sign called Ophiucus that appears between the signs of Scorpio and Sagittarius. Infact, I found that I belonged to this new sign. Well, well, well! I was so used to identifying myself as a Sagittarian that this came as rather a shock. It was like having a new identity altogether! On reading the traits for people belonging to this new sign, I, of course, liked it (they're all good and enviable traits, you see!) But the hard-to-digest fact was that people whom I had known as Capricorns were now really Saggis; Aquarians were really Capricorns and so on. That meant that I (and a lot of other folks) would have to re-orient ourselves to our new signs.

You might wonder why all this is so upsetting to me. Well, I've always been interested in the study of astrology ever since my college days. But I've never found the opportunity to study the nitty-gritty of it in a formal manner. Hence, it'd take me some time to understand the astronomical implications of this change. And I plan to study it soon. However, the incident brought home the realization that all the established facts of life are really transient. We cannot base our interpretations of people on these facts alone. We have to understand people in the right context & environment and not slot/compartmentalize them into categories/sunsigns etc. It is true that Leos display certain traits, but not all Leos do. As a student of astrology I do understand that one must take into consideration the position of ALL planets in a person's horoscope and not just the sun's or moon's. And each horoscope is unique - even twins'. So, I still do believe in astrology and someday will complete my formal education in it. But, the lesson learned here is that what we believe to be astrology - which is 12 zodiac signs, is not that much alone...but much, much more. Also, people need to be understood as individuals and not as part of some community, sunsign or class.

Books vs Movies

2010-08-02T18:21:00.004+05:30

I saw the movie "Twilight - Eclipse" over the weekend. A friend had recently introduced me to the Twilight series early this year and I enjoyed reading all the books. I had jumped over the bandwagon slightly late as movies for the first two books were already out by the time I started on the series. Hence 'Eclipse' was the first Twilight movie I saw. It was fun to watch the characters on the screen. Most of the cast matched the characters exactly except for "Jacob". The movie was quite loyal to the book and it was good to see all the picturesque locales, the soul-stirring romance and the antics of the vampires and werewolves in action. The hero - Edward, is definitely something a teen girl would fall for hard inspite of him being a vampire. I must admit that while reading the book, I failed to imagine what a teen young girl would see in a pale-faced youth to fall so desperately in love with him that she was willing to give up her humanity for him. But the movie, and the actor(!), made me believe its possible :)

Very few movies made based on books make one feel good though. I remember when I'd seen Gurinder Chaddha's 'Bride and Prejudice' based on Jane Austen's 'Pride and Prejudice'. Now, the book is one of my favorites. Hence I had gone with a lot of expectations to see the movie especially since it starred Ms. Aishwarya Rai. However, I was so disgusted with the needless liberties taken with the plot and characters by Chaddha, that I re-read the entire novel again the very next day to take out the bad taste left in my mouth after watching the clumsy adaptation!

Some of the Harry Potter movies were remarkably faithful versions of the books, but others left out a lot of stuff in the interests of time.

The question remains then, should movies be made based on books at all? There are certain things that come out well only through the written word. And then there are others that can only be enjoyed by visual effects rather than reading about them. And of course, a vast majority of the public these days does not believe in reading anymore or they do not have the time for it. After all, who wants to read when the same can be seen as a movie while munching on a mountain of popcorn!

I am one for reading any day.

New platform for waging personal wars

2010-07-13T20:54:00.000+05:30

Lately, I've been following the spat between Shobha De and Sonam Kapoor in the news. Apparently the former made some disparaging remarks about the latter's recently released movie and Sonam retaliated on Twitter by giving a (quote) paleontological metaphor (/unquote). Then Ms. De wrote a scathing post in her blog about the upbringing and class (or lack thereof) of the current crop of actors. Sonam then tweeted an apology to nip this feud in the bud. Most likely some elders had made her realize the cost of locking horns with a media mogul of the size of Ms. De especially with another flick coming up for release soon. The comments in De's blog, and also everywhere online, are quite interesting. Opinion is clearly divided as to who lacks class and finesse between the two.

Sometime ago, Mr. Bachchan too had come into the limelight due to some comment he made regarding his son's latest flick 'Raavan'. He then clarified that his post was misinterpreted. I guess most of us are quite familiar with Shashi Tharoor's numerous controversial tweets on Twitter.

Here are some questions that came to my mind-

1) Has the online media become the new platform to wage personal wars, vendatta or washing dirty linen in public?

2) Should eminent critics and/or writers use the online media to voice their candid opinions at the cost of lowering others' worth?

3) Should the new crop of celebrities be given training on how to deal with criticism in a dignified manner so that it does not harm their careers?

4) Should the media keep such a close watch on celebrity blogs and dissect each and every sentence to mean something sinister or controversial? Whatever happened to freedom of speech?

Living for others

2010-06-23T14:16:00.005+05:30

All books on spirituality mention that happiness can be found when you do something for others, not for yourself. Since selflessness doesn't come easily to man, God made children. Anyways, I'd heard time and again from friends that they could not do enough for their children. Frankly, all this obsession used to make me feel that they go overboard sometimes. Perhaps, some of them did. But after entering motherhood myself, I can well understand their feelings. Caring for and nurturing a tender young life who depends on you in total faith brings one the greatest happiness in the world. No sacrifice feels enough when it comes to looking after your child. Being entrusted with such blind faith is not only exhilarating but also a bit scary sometimes. Makes you worry constantly if you really are as special as the little one thinks you are. A guileless smile - whether from a toothless baby or a grateful adult surely lights up one's life. One cannot compare its glow with that of financial success or fame. Living for others, unconditionally, truly makes one feel happy and contented.

After life ?

2010-06-16T16:52:00.005+05:30

There was an interesting discussion a couple of days ago at my place. It was regarding how one has to pay for one's deeds or karma in this lifetime itself. At least that's what my dad and I felt. Whereas my mom and hubby stuck to our Vedic philosophy that we pay for our karma in the next life. So, if we are facing trouble in the current life, its payback for our misdeeds in our past lifetime. The other caveat is that if there is to be payback of our deeds, then we do not get another life as a human being immediately. We have to pass through the cycle of other lesser lifeforms and only when the soul resumes life as a human being are the past misdeeds paid back through troubles and travails faced.

Mom's argument was that this was the only way good people undergoing tough problems could be explained away. That they were paying for their past life's misdeeds. Mom cited the example of King Dashrath from Ramayana. He had inadvertently killed Shravana, the only son of blind parents in his youth. The parents had cursed him that he too would die while desperately waiting to meet his beloved son. That is what happened to him when his oldest son - Rama, was sent to exile by his favorite wife for 14 years. Dashrath died while waiting for his son's return.

Perhaps it is true- many times it beats us why some thoroughly noble souls around us are suffering so much. Which of the above arguments is true was inconclusive. It is true that God moves in mysterious ways. And man being what he is, cannot just accept the inscrutability of God. Hence, he has come up with various theories. In my humble opinion, all these theories are simply to enhance man's faith in a higher power. For, when one is down in the doldrums, it is only faith and positive thoughts that help one survive until better times prevail.

Perhaps, there are no such things as good and bad actions. And hence there is no payback required for bad deeds. The only punishment(or reward) of a deed(good or bad) is how it makes you feel afterward. If one feels guilty or repentant after a deed, then that is punishment enough for that action. Even if the feeling is not immediate, it does catch up with us eventually. If one feels upbeat and light after a deed, then that is reward enough. Thus, it is very important to reconcile with one's conscience- one needs to constantly watch that one's conscience is in sync with one's actions. Only then will there be peace and happiness.

Dreams

2010-05-01T09:19:00.004+05:30

All of us have dreams. Not all dreams are lofty as in "I want to become a millionaire." But everyone has some or the other wish that they dream will come true someday. Some dreams are unacknowledged and reside in the mind's subconscious. Others are oft-repeated and sometimes get ridiculed. I have always wondered why people would like to get their dreams made fun of. They are personal and should be treated that way.

Recently I attended a class at office that changed this opinion. In it, one of the sessions involved the participants to visualize that they had achieved their dream and were living it (in the future). We were asked to pen down what we were feeling after having achieved it, what did our family feel, how it impacted the society or our environment and what kind of lifestyle changes had happened in our lives as a result of it.

(Creative) Writing being my passion, this was an easy enough exercise :) But then came the twist. A few of us were asked to read out what we had written out loud to the entire class. Yours truly was of course one of the chosen victims. But as I read out from my paper, I felt liberated. I was actually vocalizing what was a very important life goal for me. And a roomful of people were listening attentively to it. What's more, I got a big round of applause and lots of well wishes that my dream would indeed come true soon as I was able to articulate it in such vivid detail!

Sharing a dream is the first step toward acknowledging it. By sharing it with others, one sort of commits to making it happen as someday one of those folks might come around and ask you what happened of your dream. It is ok if you don't achieve it eventually, but at least you made a sincere effort toward achieving it. Visualizing it coming true is the next step. It crystallizes the end result in one's mind and it is always easy to get something when you know what it is. For e.g., if one feels like eating a mango, its picture pops us in our mind, we can smell its fragrance and one day one actually steps out to buy it. We need to see, feel and smell our dreams. Only then is there any hope of them coming true.

'Open'

2010-04-17T13:03:00.003+05:30

Finally finished reading the autobiography of Andre Agassi titled 'Open'. Frankly I am not into reading autobiographies or even biographies for that matter. Neither am I too much into sports, though I do know the basics of tennis. But the book came highly recommended by a colleague so I gave it a shot.

I haven't been this moved after reading a non-fiction book in a while. Agassi has literally laid open his entire life for the public. He has left nothing out, not tried to gloss over any of the sordid details in his life. Yet, its written with class. At one point in the book I didn't really like him. He made no effort to be tactful about any of his opinions. His hatred of his father, of tennis, of some rivals - everything is portrayed with brutal candor. Yet as the book, and his life, progresses he turns likable - probably since he finally discovers himself through a lot of self introspection, painful physical & emotional injuries and tremendous effort. His love for all his family, including his father, and his friends is very touching. He comes across as a man who has craved acceptance and understanding all his life which he finally found in Steffi Graf. He was lucky to have a very ambitious father, some inspiring friends and a wife who is his equal in every sense of the word. His is indeed a blessed life though it took him a long time to realize it. Sound familiar?!

Loved the way he connects patterns in his life and uses relevant metaphors. About his marriage with Brooke Shields he says that "We spent most of our time on islands. We are islands." Though his education lasted only till the ninth grade, his vocabulary is rich. Ironically, all the important people in his life viz. his father, his mentor Gil and wife Steffi, did not have English as their first language. Perhaps that's why they understood him the most as they communicated more through body language.

The book also provided a peek into the life of tennis stars and celebrities in general. Their fragile egos, insecurities, physical pain, mental torture makes one realise that a career in sports isn't all that rosy. The journey involves a lot of blood, sweat and will power. Yet not all make it to the top. Somewhat like life itself.

Tech Support

2010-04-13T20:20:00.004+05:30

Got a call from my aunt the other day. "Nilu, I need your help now." That's how it is with her usually - everything has to happen NOW. No matter if you are driving or cooking or taking a bath. "What is it, aunty" I ask. "I was trying to edit my contacts in Gmail and I had reached upto R and they just disappeared!!!" The last word ended on a screech. "Calm down, aunty. Start from the beginning. What happened exactly?" I ask patiently while stirring busily in the pan. Its breakfast time. Mornings on weekdays are usually rushed as both I and hubby have to get ready for office.

"Well, you see, I have a lot of email IDs of all my clients. I need to prefix their names with the names of their organizations else I keep getting confused as to which client I am dealing with. So I was trying to edit my contacts alphabetically. But as I reached the letter R, they just disappeared. I logged out and logged back in many times, but to no avail. I even rebooted my machine." My aunt runs a small business. She is a real entrepreneur, started it at the age of 43 and its running quite successfully now. And whenever you want to get successful or more visible, you gotta be online. My aunt is clearly out of depth here and relies on me, or her son, heavily for such problems.

"Ok, let me login to my computer, I'll call you back" I promise. I finish cooking and go to the study to boot up my laptop. I then ask my aunt to provide me her credentials for her gmail account. I logged in, clicked on Contacts and was able to view all her contacts. Was even able to edit some. She logged back in from her computer, but she faced the same problem. I then asked her to check the browser she was using, most difficult since she did not know what a browser was. I asked her if she was using IE (Internet Explorer). Now, in marathi, "Aai (pronounced as IE) means mother. This confused her even more. So I asked her to read the topmost line on her screen. "Microsoft Windows Internet Explorer" she read out. "Ok, now click on "Help", then "About Internet Explorer". This took a while. Finally, it turned out that she was using Version 8.0 of IE and I was using Mozilla Firefox 3.6. I quickly checked with my IE and everything was working fine. But I had IE version 6.0. (I don't use IE so often, you see).

Finally I tell her "There may be something wrong with your browser settings." Silence on the other end. "You need to change your browser and try once again." I say. My aunt gives up and says that I need to talk to her son. Soon, her son is talking with me. I explain to him that he needs to download Firefox and try to login to Gmail with that. He understands and promises to call back with the result, thank God!

Some time later, my aunt calls back jubilantly exclaiming "It WORKED!!! But how come your uncle can see HIS contacts in his gmail in the other browser and I can't?! But never mind, this browser seems so much nicer. Thank you so much :)" So ends yet another Tech Support session for me. I've done this umpteen times with my dad before - that's where the patience comes from. Also, not being physically present at the faulty computer can be really frustrating but I've learned to deal with it now.

Its such a small thing - every internet user is aware of what a browser is and its various features. And for people like me who use computers for a living, its as easy as breathing. But there are so many seniors who struggle with such basic things on a daily basis. I admire their perseverance to learn a new technology at such a late stage in their lives. They are not embarrassed to show their ignorance and ask questions that may sound stupid. Yet, many of the young folks frown at their "silly" attempts. They are so complacent in their superior knowledge. Perhaps, we need to humbly learn the lesson that "learning should never stop" from our seniors.

Fight for survival

2010-04-07T20:53:00.007+05:30

Grandma did a Humpty-Dumpty on sunday. Disobeyed everyone's warning about walking around on her bad knee, overbalanced and broke her hip bone. Thankfully, she was at a crowded place where someone rushed and called her daughter -my aunt. Who then rushed there with an ambulance as grandma could not move at all.

Doctors said surgery was needed to fix her bone, but they could not operate considering her history of heart disease. There was considerable debate over what was to be done, too many opinions sought, thousands of rupees spent on the phone bill and loss of sleep for many in the family (grandma has 5 daughters, many grand-children and couple of great-grand children too). Her pain was the deciding factor eventually. She was operated upon yesterday and has been given a clean chit after being put up in ICU for 24 hours.

Everyone has always been exasperated by her sheer grit and obstinate determination which makes her take her body for granted. But it was these same qualities which made her fight for her life and come back safely into the fold. Such is life - the very things that are your weaknesses can become your strength...and vice versa. Its all about leveraging the right qualities at the right time and place and learning to accept or change the others.

In the meantime, thank the Lord for delivering her daughters from the burden of the most difficult decision of their lives successfully! And thank God for grandma's fighting spirit!

Its a (M)Ad world

2010-03-27T19:14:00.004+05:30

Its a weekend, that too, during one of the sweltering summer months. Time to chill out with a cool drink in front of the idiot box. As usual, hubby and I cannot agree on which channel to watch. He wants to watch cricket(ugh!) and I wish to see the golden oldie running on 'Filmy' (how retro!, retorts hubby). After a fruitless battle for control of the remote control we wisely call a truce. Ah, life (or is it marriage?!) is full of little compromises:( We decide to flip the channels in between commercial breaks.

Peace reigns for sometime. Eventually, I realize that I have been had by hubby. While the break between overs in cricket used to be brief, the break in the film used to be really long. After staring at the various ads being played one after the other, I had lost track of where in the movie we had taken a break. The ads too have become so innovative and glossy that they keep you glued to the TV. The concept, the catch lines, the glamor quotient, the sheer dazzling presence of celebrities - the advertisements on TV are much more enthralling than the long time saas-bahu family soaps churned out by Balaji Telefilms. Incidentally, I loved the jingle for BMW - its not only what you make, but what you make them feel that matters.

Some of the best ads in recent times - Aamir Khan's Tata Sky ad where he is dressed half as a man and half as a woman. The ensuing dialogue seems as if between a groom and his bride, rather than a soliloquy by AK. There is a series of Tata Sky ads- the latest ones with the wife avenging her hubby as he made her miss her favorite soap due to IPL are really good. Nowadays, the chat at the lunch-table is not about "Did you check out Parvati's get up in xxx serrial?" Rather it is around - "Did you see the latest Tata sky ad?" Other such series include the Kurkure series, the zoozoo series, the Wheel series, AXE series, the Maaza series, Bingo series, IDBI series - the list just goes on.

Fact is, watching ads on TV is as much entertaining, if not more, as the actual programmes these days. We did manage to watch a bit of cricket and movie in between the ads :)

Marrying abroad

2010-03-24T22:55:00.004+05:30

A friend of mine called me up today. I was rather busy at the time, but the suppressed excitement in her voice made me take the call. She was to fly to Melbourne tonight to join her husband. That explained the excitement. Their marriage was solemnized back in Dec 2009. Hubby darling went off to Melbourne (he works there) and she had to wait until her visa came through to join him. I had met her in the intervening months once or twice. Each time I could see that she was desperately waiting for the visa to come through though she tried to show that she was dreading having to leave the country, her parents, her job etc.

I remembered the same kind of excitement on my sis-in-law's (brother's wife) face a few years ago. She had never been abroad and my brother was to go for a long-term assignment to UK. She was so excited about the trip! After reaching there, she used to be full of all the sights and highlights of London. The apartment-hunting, the commute by the tube, the scarcely varying weather, the dishwasher, the carpeting - she enthused about them all. Having been through a similar experience when we were in the US some years ago, I said to her - "I would like to hear the same excitement in your voice a year down the line." A year went by and she could not wait for my brother's assignment to get over and for them to return. The phone calls were all about the lack of variety in weather, dress and life-style there. About how she missed her family, visiting us over the weekends, the carefree life, the auto-rickshaws, the maid and the dhobi :)

When a woman gets married, and especially if she is not to live with her in-laws, she is always excited at the prospect of moving to a new place. Even if she has to leave her familiar routine, her family, friends and even her career behind. The new challenge of setting up her own nest sets her adrenaline pumping. But invariably, somewhere down the line, the need to be with family and old friends, to be able to share her woes with familiar people and to put down roots where she can give her children the same kind of childhood that she enjoyed, always catches up. Also, if there is no job,and no family to visit, there is not much to do in such places.

I wonder if my friend will go through all this too? Melbourne is certainly a new place for me, and I haven't heard of any experiences from there yet.

Saved by the bell

2010-03-16T22:05:00.005+05:30

Got a visit from the latest guy in my life. When he came to know that I'm unwell today and may not visit him to wish Happy New Year, he decided that he will come and meet me instead! Needless to say he managed to cheer me up:) In case this reaches the ears of the real guy in my life, let me hasten to clarify that my brand-new nephew came to visit us today. His first official visit to anyone's place since he was born! He managed to squeeze in sleep, feed, bio-breaks AND some playtime all within the span of two hours. Wonder how his mom puts up with this day in and day out.

Spent quite some time on the phone today for New Year wishes. Felt good to connect with some relatives after a long time. In my case, it is said that I never forget to wish people on their birthdays or special occasions. So really, I have got a reputation to maintain which even though I am least bothered about, others are forever using as a yardstick of etiquette. Sometimes I can't thank the inventor of the telephone enough. Without it, it will be difficult to keep up the communication with so many people. As one grows older and the list of people one knows only keeps on increasing, the sheer thought of keeping in touch with so many folks is daunting. But the phone, and especially text messaging, has made life so much easier! So today I was literally saved by the Bell (pun intended:))

Home sweet home!

2010-03-16T13:21:00.007+05:30

Today's is Maharashtra's New Year, aka Gudhi Padwa. Here's wishing all readers a very happy New Year! It is a time of new beginnings, new hopes and new aspirations. Time to bid goodbye to the old and heartily embrace the new.

It is one of the three and a half muhurtas (auspicious days) in the year when people buy major item such as gold. It is also a good day to move into a new home, job or business. We moved into our home a few years ago on this very day. I was reminded of our relentless search for the place of our dreams. A place that we can call our own, which will become our permanent address in this town and which I would decorate with my own hands. We've come a long way toward that dream. Our home is an oasis of peace and harmony in the melee of life. Today, when the economy is still struggling and the property prices are rising at an alarming rate, buying a house has become a pipe dream for many.

Flash back to a few years, when we searched high and low for our dream home. It had to be close to our workplaces, it had to be close to at least one set of parents, yet within easy distance of good schools and where the property will keep appreciating over the years. All this within our budget too. It was infact on the higher side for us, but boy was that a sound investment! When we bought it, many derided us that it is too remote, almost out of town. Now, we are well connected not only to the city but also to the expressway going to Bengaluru and Mumbai. Also, the property has appreciated quite a bit since we moved in. The initial hiccups during the move, having to get the furniture, painting and decoration done while both of us were juggling with our work assignments, and no one at home to oversee these, was a challenge. But all the sweat and pain seems worth it when we relax at our palace on laid-back days such as today! Its our nest that we have put together twig by twig over the years and is still a work in progress.

Could not help but pat our backs today, when I recall a difficult, and life-changing decision, that we took on this day some years ago:)

Blah, blah...

2010-03-07T14:15:00.011+05:30

Its been a while since I wrote. What could I do - so many things have happened lately that it was difficult to decide what to write about. What all happened? Well, Holi came and went. So did the Budget. Saw 'My name is Khan'. My aunt's home got burgled - they lost all their jewelry and lots of cash. Also, I was a tad unwell last week. Women's day is coming up. No wonder am confused:)

A friend has been sending me texts all last week to start writing my long overdue book. Well, I actually succumbed to the pressure and wrote the prologue! Hope I can keep up the momentum until the last chapter. Wish me luck!

Loved yesterday's episode of 'Housewives. It dealt with how people like to judge everyone but themselves. Judging is so ingrained in our psyche that we do it subconsciously. What we forget is that others are doing the same.

Am sure most of you have judged by now that I'm babbling :) Time to sign off before you judge more.

Gifts

2010-02-26T20:09:00.003+05:30

Just finished reading the last book in the Twilight series. This post is not a review of the same - my friend has already written a great review (Check here) and I did not feel like re-inventing the wheel. In that book, when the child of the human and vampire is born, she comes with an inherent gift of being able to communicate by creating visuals in the mind of the other person. Though she can speak, she doesn't need to speak because of this gift. This post talks about such gifts.

Even the mother of the child, who becomes a vampire after child-birth, 'discovers' many gifts/talents that were dormant within her. The strange part is that she had that talent even while she was human; she could shield her thoughts from mind-readers unconsciously. Yet, when a total stranger calls her a 'shield', that is when her eyes are opened to her strength. She is then able to physically manifest a shield to protect her family and friends.

This made me realize that there are many talents I have that I've always taken for granted. It always used to make me wonder why I can do some things easily but others are totally clueless about doing those things. This book gave me an insight of how knowledge of such gifts unfolds in its own time. One of my gifts is my emotional intelligence. At the risk of sounding arrogant or a braggart, I've always been able to understand another's motives, what makes them tick, after spending some time with them. I'm able to predict their words and actions and can prepare myself with the right words or behavior in an argument/confrontation with them. Whereas, I've seen others, much older and experienced than me, struggling to understand their spouse,child or parent and be able to establish rapport with them. While it is crystal clear to me what is wrong in their relationship, they seem totally oblivious. Since this was in-born in me (not learned or acquired) I wasn't aware of it until I was well into my adulthood.

This gift had its disadvantages too. I always felt that if I can understand this person, be thoughtful and considerate of unspoken needs, why cannot he/she understand me too? Why do I have to put things in words for that person to grasp my feelings? Many a time, I've been told that I need to spell out things as others are not mind-readers. Whereas I've seldom needed things to be spelled out to me. This frustration and unfairness that I battled with could've been avoided had I been aware that what I had was a gift which others didn't have. They had to follow the tedious process of trial and error to understand me.

Everyone has such inherent gifts - some are obvious and others are less overt. Do you have any such gift?

And so it continues...

2010-02-24T14:19:00.005+05:30

After a really hectic 2nd week, the first installment in our kitchen renovation began last weekend, thus continuing the 'busy and happening' theme of this month. It involved extension of the kitchen platform and re-installation of the kitchen sink. Of course, that meant plumbing and re-tiling of some portion too. The kitchen was of course closed for the entire duration. And the mess... the less said about it the better! The entire house is covered in dust inspite of using dust sheets generously. It beats me how the dust can unerringly find hard-to-reach nooks and cranies in my kitchen which were hitherto unexplored by the human hands. Every surface, utensil, cabinet has a nice dust coating and has led to a cleaning and dusting frenzy since yesterday. The washing machine too is busy churning out laundry of all garments - be it dust sheets, feet wipes, curtains, napkins since yesterday.

Must say though that the effort was worth it. Firstly, 'cos the renovation experts did a thorough job. I didn't realize before that there is high level of skill required in laying a kitchen platform just so, in removing existing tiles and debris without causing structural damage and in fitting a tap and drain-pipe expertly. My kitchen is not only more spacious and well-lighted now, but the increased real-estate of the platform makes cooking so much more fun!

The week that was...

2010-02-16T10:22:00.008+05:30

Last week was easily the most happening week of the year so far. It started with a maid crisis - our maid was hospitalized and would be out for at least 5 days. This was really disturbing as we had guests coming over the weekend for a family celebration. So the sunday was spent in a flurry of cooking, cleaning, wiping, dusting and washing clothes. Managed to find a replacement maid after much running around who would at least take care of the cleaning part for some days. Tuesday was hubby's birthday. It was celebration time from 8th midnight till the next midnight. I was just starting to relax on Wednesday, when my sis-in-law had to be admitted to hospital for delivery. So wednesday evening and thursday were spent at the hospital. There was some anxiety and also my parents had not yet arrived from Baroda. There was a break on Thursday however, as my maid showed up. What a relief! And then Friday morning was spent first in collecting my parents at the station and then depositing them to the hospital alongwith lunch for those on hospital duty.

Friday afternoon was the most exciting day of my life! I became aunt to a healthy baby boy and what a suspenseful few minutes those were. One minute we were fretting over what was happening as we had all been shooed out of the room that had my SIL. And the next minute, we were presented with the baby :) I can never forget the expression on my brother's face (he is the new dad). He was numb with shock and relief. The first thing he said was "he has so much hair! ". After that, there were lot of tears, hugs, congratulations and phone calls. The rest of the day passed in a blur. All I remember was seeing the baby for the first time and how innocent and clueless it looked. Completely oblivious to all the tension it had caused and boldly taking in the new world with its button-like eyes.

There was no end to the exclamations of delight and awe - "Born on the day of Mahashivaratri!", "Only baby boy in the batch of 7 babies born today." "Oh, he is so tall for a newborn!" and so on... The euphoria carried on even the next day. Until the city was rocked, and shocked, by its first ever bomb blast. We heard of it within 10 minutes, as I, alongwith my in-laws, had gone to visit the baby and we were not allowed to enter as they were expecting a batch of ambulances to arrive any moment. Shock and fear was writ large on the faces of the hospital staff and security personnel. Sunday was celebration time as my MIL was to turn 75 the next day. It started from dinner on Saturday and continued till Sunday evening. Spent some quality family time with sis-in-law (hubby's sis this time), her daughter and hubby (who were visiting from Mumbai) and of course my MIL.

All in all, an extremely hectic and happening bitter-sweet week and definitely most memorable.

How to sleep peacefully?

2010-02-03T20:56:00.001+05:30

A boy and a girl were playing together. The boy had a collection of marbles. The girl had some sweets with her. The boy told the girl that he will give her all his marbles in exchange for her sweets. The girl agreed.

The boy kept the biggest and the most beautiful marble aside and gave the rest to the girl. The girl gave him all her sweets as she had promised. That night, the girl slept peacefully. But the boy couldn't sleep as he kept wondering if the girl had hidden some sweets from him the way he had hidden his best marble.

Moral of the story: If you don't give your hundred percent in a relationship, you'll always keep doubting if the other person has given his/her hundred percent.. This is applicable for any relationship like love, Friends or even employer-employee relationship etc.,

Give your hundred percent to everything you do and sleep peacefully

Friendship

2010-02-02T10:23:00.004+05:30

"As is often the case as people grow older, the tight knit cluster of friends you had as a younger person might have lost its the closeness over time and disseminated. A revitalization of this bond, however, is quite possibly just over the horizon for you, as several unforeseen social calls lead to a renewed harmony between old companions."

This is my horoscope for the week. And so true it is!

Met some of my ex-colleagues at a wedding reception on Sunday. It felt good to see each other after a long time. Some of us have left my old organization while some are still loyal to it. Being spread out over all parts of the city, it was unlikely that such a reunion might have happened if two of my ex-colleagues had not fallen in love with each other and decided to make it official. Plus everyone brought their families so we got to meet the spouses and kiddos that we had only oohed and aahed over photo albums so far.

Also met another ex-colleague and good friend over breakfast today. She is recently married and stays with her in-laws, awaiting her visa to join her hubby overseas. Felt good to meet with her and know about her experiences as a newly married bride :) I believe she also needed to air her fears regarding moving to a new country leaving all familiar things behind.

They say that some of the best friends are made when one is young. That's true. And then, the rest of the life is spent in nurturing those friendships. The ones who get good nurturing survive the difficult middle years and serve us well post retirement. I am enjoying the nurturing part currently, which is not to say that I'm not young anymore :)

Fair and lovely

2010-01-31T22:30:00.009+05:30

One of my friends had once commented on my posts that I do not take a clear stand about the issue. I only discuss the issue from all possible points of view. Here's a warning that this post could seem the same. The only comment I wish to make in my defense- if it seems so, it is because I have not yet formed a clear affinity with any of the opining parties on the subject under discussion.

I belong to the category that was not blessed with a fair complexion by birth. My grandma says that my mom was so fair when she was born that perfect strangers used to stop and ask if she was really her daughter! Same is the case with my sis-in-law(SIL). She is what they call wheat-complexioned, but her hubby, or rather his parents, are very fair. Their daughter takes after that side of the family and looks much fairer than my SIL. So much so that when she used to wheel her toddler's pram to the park, people used to think her the 'aaya' of the baby! My grandmother used to tell me in my childhood that I should apply multani mitti or turmeric and saffron cream to my face to make my skin glow. According to her, I would not get a decent groom otherwise. I can well understand her anxiety - having had to marry off five daughters all by herself (my grandpa passed away even before the eldest was married), she was habituated to hand out such advice.

So, since my childhood, I've hankered after the elusive gori chamdi. I am sure all the folks, especially girls, who are not so well-endowed in the skin color department will empathize with me:) Believe me, 'dusky' maybe in, but even those divas secretly envy the fair damsels. Some smart businessman decided to productize grandma's fairness formula and market it to such desperate souls. And that's where the saga of fairness creams, gels, facials etc. began. It has now taken over the population to such an extent that even TV commercials advocate their use for sparkling at job interviews and brightening prospects in the marriage market. Well-known celebrities unabashedly endorse this.

Despite movies being made on racism, and gyaan being imparted on how the color of skin does not matter - the fact remains that everyone wants to be fair-skinned. Would-be moms partake of milk-with-saffron during their pregnancy so that their babies would be born fair. Drinking coconut water too is advised for the same. When a daughter-in-law is seen by her in-laws, their first comment usually is "ladki gori hai" or "ladki kaali hai". Infact, I loved the dialogue in the film "Lajja" where Anil Kapoor tells Mahima Chaudhary - "Ladka chaahe kaala bhoot kyon na ho, usey biwi gori hi chahiye!"

Many have jumped onto the fairness bandwagon willy-nilly. Some due to family or society pressures, some due to their own insecurities. But after a certain age, they all realize that this obsession about complexion isn't really worth it. Or is it? Well, the jury is still out on that. Despite my grandma's concerns, and my own, for that matter, I did enjoy my share of attention in college. And I am now married to a very fair hubby. Now, now, don't be quick to judge...

Sherlock Holmes

2010-01-30T10:34:00.006+05:30

I've always loved Sherlock Holmes books. His keen observation and sharp analytical skills made him a true legend. I also love Agatha Christie books; she apparently was not much impressed with Sherlock Holmes though. So she created a total antithesis of him in looks as well as style - Hercule Poirot. Someone who is a dandy as opposed to Holmes' total neglect of hygiene and apparel and who abhors typical detective tools and habits such as going down on his knees to look for foot and finger prints.

But, this post is about Holmes. His various idiosyncrasies, his restless intellect, scary mood swings, penchant for experimenting with drugs on himself as well as his dog, his peculiar friendship with Dr. Watson and his restrained obsession with his female adversary - Irene Adler. The script-writer has stuck to the basics loyally but has let his imagination run riot to make Holmes into a modern-day Bond-like figure. He has taken some liberties in both the picturization as well as characterization of Holmes and all the other characters. Director Guy Ritchie lends full support to bring alive this imagination. The pace of the movie is fast and gripping. Holmes and Watson are much more physically active and adventurous. Revolvers and pistols are seen, and used, often throughout the movie. Also, both Holmes and Watson are much more vulnerable to emotions of friendship and love. Even Holmes' home - 221B Baker street is quite aesthetic. It must've been a treat to watch this movie on a big screen.

The story itself is not from any of the usual cases of Sherlock Holmes. It is about black magic and threatens to disappoint by dueling between magic and science. Holmes' preoccupation with Adler takes away from his larger-than-life and eccentric personality. But, Ritchie does not digress from the original character traits; though his treatment is vastly different and quite refreshing. Makes you think what if Arthur Conan Doyle had portrayed his hero in such a light? What if Holmes had a romantic soul alongwith his keenly analytical mind?

Tight direction, interesting story and some great action makes this a must-watch thriller.

Ignorance of ability is the disability

2010-01-25T23:32:00.004+05:30

Ever come across beggars when you stop at a traffic signal? What are the emotions that run through your mind? Pity? Disgust? Anger? Or just plain apathy?

I came across this beautiful video clip today. It is true that a picture is worth a thousand words. And this picture will convey all that I want to say-

Avatar: Movie review

2010-01-09T21:51:00.006+05:30

We've seen a lot of Hindi movies with English names, viz. Black, New York etc. But for the first time, an English movie with a Hindi name! And what a movie!

It has multiple themes - sci-fi, futuristic, war action, fantasy, romance & message for humanity. Its a brilliantly made movie - not only because of the technology used, and shown, in the movie; but also because all these different themes are sensitively inter-woven to make an extremely entertaining and paisa-vasool film.

James Cameroon switches gears from the past(Titanic) to the future(year 2154). By then, people of earth have frittered away all their natural resources, there is not a tree to be found anywhere and they are seeking minerals from other planets to survive. They target one such moon, belonging to another planet - Pandora. The vividness with which a parallel world has been brought alive along with its verdant greenery, earth-like creatures and tribal customs is mind blowing;. Yet it also gives a feeling that our own Earth was perhaps like this at the beginning of civilization. The movie has a bizarre amalgamation of an ultra-modern world complete with robots & state-of-the-art war ammunition and the rustic & spiritual world of the local Na'vi people. The movie flits between the two worlds in the form of the protagonist's 'Avatar'. The shrewd Earth folks have mastered the technology of creating 'Avatars' of human beings, who can breathe and look as the local Na'vi people. The strategy is to use this 'spy' to infiltrate the locals, gain their trust and thereby convince them to leave their paradise so that humans can steal the minerals below their soil. Somewhere along the line though, the sleeping 'humanity' creeps up on the protagonist and he helps the aliens to wage a war against his own race.

A beautiful movie - not only because of the breath-takingly lovely forest land and its inmates, but also in its message of anti-war and of protecting our Mother Earth. The dialog is quite potent in some places and the performances are excellent too. A must-watch movie, especially in a cinema hall - make sure to eat before going or carry your food in, as you will be glued to the seat once the movie begins!

Photography

2010-01-06T20:52:00.007+05:30

I've always been shy of being photographed. I belong to the category of people who think that their photos never come out well. A fact proved true in my case as at least a couple of people have commented that photography does not do justice to my fair features(Blush!). Ever since childhood I've hated looking at photo albums - especially those of other people. One of my pet peeves is when someone offers to show me their photo album, then points to a photograph full of school children and asks me to guess where he/she is! I remember one of my ex-managers had done this and all my colleagues had taken it up as a challenge. There was endless discussion over tea and lunch breaks and even I was forced to use my wits in order to identify him. My guess worked - I don't take any credit for that; it was just a fluke :)

At least in the earlier days, one could get away with murmuring a few appropriate words on seeing photos. But nowadays, a lot of people have started taking an avid interest in photography as an hobby. A lot of my friends know about the technical aspects of photography, the makes of latest cameras and even have accounts with online photo album sites. So, if you show them a photo, instead of commenting on the subject, they comment on the (shabby) quality of the photography! I had recently come from a trip abroad and was all agog with excitement to share photos with a friend. His first comment was - you guys have used too much flash; you need to experiment more with your camera! Suffice it to say that anyone who cared to photograph me in that instance would have landed a Kodak moment. And heaven forbid if, when you are presented with someone's photo, you do not ask which camera or what angle was used to take it. Whether you ask or not, you are subjected to a detailed lecture on the same.

I sincerely fail to understand why everyone is so hell-bent on showing off their photography skills. Its a creative art, I agree, but then so is computer programming. Imagine, if a programmer of a software game were to launch into technical jargon about the technology and design patterns used to write the game! Would a consumer of the game be interested in that? To me, a photo is just a way of capturing a moment for future reference. I believe that was what it was invented for originally. But nowadays, especially with the advent of digital cameras, people click away with gay abandon without a concern for the 'capturability' of the moment. They literally watch the scene through the camera lens rather than through their naked eye. It completely beats me what all this hullabaloo is all about.

Thanks to my husband though, I've started taking some interest in the art and craft of photography. I've learned that photos need to have a 'theme'. Photos can tell a lot about the subject as well as the photographer's train of thought. It is an intelligent art. I am now actually able to discern between the good and bad photos. And yes, I've come to realize that the quality of the photo does not necessarily depend on the subject; it rests more with the photographer. It all boils down to the comfort level between the photographer and his subject. And so I've begun to like my photos, especially those taken by my hubby:)

Would like to mention regarding a book that first exposed me to the significance of photography - The Bridges of Madison County. Its a sad, romantic tale of a married woman and a photographer who works for the National Geographic. The descriptions of the photos taken by him, which eventually lead her children to find him are very vivid and soulful. A must read.

The neurons that shaped civilization

2010-01-05T16:39:00.005+05:30

Ever wondered how you can 'empathize' with another human being? For the uninitiated, 'empathy' means to feel the pain felt by another without actually experiencing it. This has been attributed to something called mirror neurons.

The discovery of mirror neurons is fairly recent. I came across this video and wanted to share it. Neuroscientist Vilayanur Ramachandran outlines the fascinating functions of mirror neurons in this video and calls them the connection between brain and humanity. A must watch.

A short story

2009-12-31T18:34:00.003+05:30

Came across this and felt like sharing.

Wish you all a very Happy New Year!

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Saying Grace
by Unknown Author

Last week, I took my children to a restaurant.

My six-year-old son asked if he could say grace.

As we bowed our heads he said, "God is good, God is great. Thank you for the food, and I would even thank you more if Mom gets us ice cream for dessert. And Liberty and justice for all! Amen!"

Along with the laughter from the other customers nearby, I heard a woman remark, "That's what's wrong with this country. Kids today don't even know how to pray. Asking God for ice cream! Why, I never!"

Hearing this, my son burst into tears and asked me, "Did I do it wrong? Is God mad at me?"

As I held him and assured him that he had done a terrific job, and God was certainly not mad at him, an elderly gentleman approached the table.

He winked at my son and said, "I happen to know that God thought that was a great prayer."

"Really?" my son asked.

"Cross my heart," the man replied.

Then, in a theatrical whisper, he added (indicating the woman whose remark had started this whole thing), "Too bad she never asks God for ice cream. A little ice cream is good for the soul sometimes."

Naturally, I bought my kids ice cream at the end of the meal. My son stared at his for a moment, and then did something I will remember the rest of my life.

He picked up his sundae and, without a word, walked over and placed it in front of the woman. With a big smile he told her, "Here, this is for you. Ice cream is good for the soul sometimes; and my soul is good already."

Learning through fiction

2009-12-30T18:14:00.006+05:30

Ever since my childhood, there has always been a subtle emphasis on reading the classics. Many reasons are propounded - viz. reading them improves ones' mind, enhances the vocabulary, gives one a historical perspective etc. So much so that, those who read ordinary fiction as opposed to classics, were looked down upon. This is true for all literatures / languages.

During my adolescence I did read most of the classics. Some of them were part of the syllabus at school. But I've also been an avid reader of fiction, especially romantic fiction. I remember my dad reprimanding me during my teenage years for wasting my time on such novels. As with all teenagers, I was a rebel and did exactly what I was forbidden to do :)

To this day, I still enjoy romantic fiction even though I read serious subjects like philosophy and self-improvement too. Infact, even my mother enjoys them! She says that she loves to read about the different places, the cuisines, the cultures that are found in these romantic novels. One gets to travel to faraway places and enjoy the pleasures vicariously through their vivid descriptions and interesting conversation. I totally subscribe to this too - there is so much to learn even from such 'trashy' novels.

One of my all-time favorite books is by the queen of romantic fiction - Jane Austen. I thoroughly enjoy her book - Pride and Prejudice everytime I read it. The characters are so well-etched and their emotions described with such lucidity! Its about a romance between a gentleman's daughter with a rich, and seemingly snobbish, young man based in the backdrop of old-time Britain. Most people find this book boring - many of my friends, and even my hubby, are always asking me what I like about it. The very fact that, in the era of arranged matches in those times, a young lady actually turns down an eligible bachelor's proposal the first time round, and then proceeds to fall in love with him, when chances of him proposing again to her are next to nothing, was enough to hold my interest till the end. Also, a love match during the times when girls did not go to school, and did not work and so did not have any opportunity to find love, was a novelty. Besides, the conversations are the strength of this novel. The speech where the hero proposes to her, and the heroine's utterly civil rejection of his offer, is a highlight of the book.

Recently, in a novel that I was reading, a mother soothes her daughter by saying - 'A man usually says what's on his mind, he does not bother to be polite". This was regarding a young man in the daughter's life and spoken in the context of a man-woman conversation. On reflection, I found it to be extremely accurate. Diplomacy and tact are really woman's weapons, most men speak their mind - at least most men of my acquaintance. They learn to be tactful only after marriage! Another novel had this gem - "If a man understands a woman well, then there is some % of femininity in his character and vice versa." This too is so true and profound. If there is a man who understands women, he is bound to be a bit sensitive and maybe less macho. Women tend to ignore such men and go after the brawny, heartless ones. Ditto for men - they tend to steer clear of the intelligent, discerning and ambitious women and then regret their choice of the frivolous, flighty females they married!

I've come to realise that it doesn't matter what you read, or watch; it is what you are able to take away from it that makes a difference. If you only get a romantic thrill from a romantic novel then it is bound to be transient, but if its a piece of knowledge then the book was not 'trashy'.

The last month....

2009-12-29T15:09:00.003+05:30

Dec 2009 has been an action-packed month in my life. It started with a party - my birthday party in the first week and will end in a party too - New Year's eve. In between, there have been various celebrations - birth of 3 new babies among my friend and colleague circle, marriage of a dear friend, potluck at the workplace. There have been couple of travels too-Kolhapur and Bangalore. Also, a friend of mine visited us with her family. A mini reunion with college friends was the highlight of this month. We saw some good movies too - 3 Idiots among them. So, there is really a lot to write about, and frankly, I cannot decide on what to write about! So I decided to write a bit about it all.
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Got a wonderful gift for my birthday from hubby dearest. Also, a dear friend from my hometown showed up at my door on the morning of my birthday. It was indeed the best surprise of my life. Spent a couple of wonderful days with her. We chatted, shopped, cooked and chatted some more:)
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Felt very good to visit Bangalore and stay at a dear friend's place. It was as if the last few years when we were not together didn't happen at all - so instant was the connection :) But then, that's how it is with school and college friends, they say. Bangalore is a nice city. Didn't get to explore it much but loved the wide open spaces, parks, children's playgrounds and general ambience of the city. Fortunately, didn't get to experience the infamous traffic jams. The climate too is mild and even in December, it wasn't too cold. Mysore and Coorg were charming too. The drive was very scenic and made enjoyable due to our conversation and bonding.
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3 Idiots is an awesome movie. The message it portrays is potent though the treatment is humorous. Aamir Khan impresses yet again. He acts so effortlessly and every film of his has something fresh. The movie is about friendship, the education system in India, about thinking out of the box, about being courageous and following one's passion. So many different threads are woven beautifully into the fabric of a successful formula film! Even though its inspired by a popular book, the script is quite original and the characters very real. I learned quite a few new things too - viz. why scientists did not use a pencil during space travel and that a vacuum cleaner can be used to deliver a baby!

In all, a very happening month and a fitting end to this year full of travel and some travail.

Moving beyond judgement

2009-12-23T14:44:00.003+05:30

Many of us have heard people say "You are so different than what I had thought." I, at least, have heard this many times and have often wondered what they had thought about me earlier and in which way am I different? But, the answer always eluded me as I was not privy to the episode that led them to pre-judge me. I have been guilty of this myself sometimes.

Came across this article and wanted to share with you. Hope you find it as thought-provoking as I did.

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Moving beyond judgement
The Indian philosopher Krishnamurti remarked that "the highest form of intelligence is the ability to observe without evaluating."

So ask yourself some questions. Are some of the people around you lazy, or do they just do lazy things? Are some kids you see stupid, or do they just do things differently from you? Are some of your co-workers uncreative or do they just approach tasks in a way you wouldn't? Are some bosses cold and calculating or do they just manage in ways you might not? Is your spouse or partner too independent or does s/he just have a different way of viewing a relationship?

Judging as the cause of disconnects
One of the major causes of disconnects between people - at work, at home and in relationship - is our tendency to not only make observations about their behavior, but to use these as the basis make snap judgments about their character.

When we observe someone and instantly label them on the basis of some behavior or other, we move away from seeing the wholeness and totality of that person.

Many of us engage in knee-jerk, judgmental reactions of others who, in some way appear "different from me." We are quick not only to point out the "bad-ness" or "wrong-ness" of another but to evaluate who they are based on observations of their behaviour.

So: Mary's lazy; John's a procrastinator; Julia's unhealthy; Susan's angry; Mario's a narcissist, Jane's aggressive; Art's a complainer.

None of these judgments is an observation. None of these criticisms points to a simple, objective behavior. All of these are judgments we feel we need to make about a person based on what we have observed.

The next time you find yourself making a knee-jerk reactive judgment, perhaps ask first, "What is that person doing or saying that makes me feel some sense of discomfort?" And then ask yourself, "Why can't I seem to just notice the behavior without needing to make a judgment or offer an evaluation?"

In fact, it would be interesting if during your day you could actually discern between your observations and your evaluations. Many can't, because the habit of observing and judging is so ingrained.

Why we judge rather than observe
When our ego, rather than our heart and soul, is left to do the driving, our GPS is based on looking at the landscape from a like / dislike perspective. Built into this is an evaluative process based on ego-based emotions, feelings, character, qualities, styles, etc.

So the more someone is "not like me," we more we feel a tendency to push away from them. All of this is based on our need, often unconscious, to "be right." When someone behaves – in thought, word or deed – in a way that does not tally with what we feel is right,, we feel challenged. And when we feel challenged, we feel the need to defend our beliefs, our "rightness". In doing so, we're looking to experience and support a psycho-emotional safety and security with "who I am."

Making judgments about others is how we defend our self. If we can make them "bad" or "wrong," then we're right or good. This dynamic is also the underlying foundation of bias and prejudice. And for many, it is characteristic of living in a world of duality – good vs. bad; right vs. wrong; intelligent vs. stupid, etc.

Moving beyond duality
The way we move beyond this dualistic tendency is to suspend judgment - to observe without evaluating. When we transcend our ego and come from a place of presence – simply observing - we can start to see the essence of another individual.

From this place we can suspend what we like and dislike and allow our soul to look at the truth (not ego-based subjective truth) – a deeper and intuitive sense of another person based on respect, tolerance and understanding, rather than judgement.

And when we're open and accepting of others, we start to find that we are similar; we are able to accept their personalities without discomfort, resistance, resentment, or difficulty – as we're relating on a level where love and understanding fill the space between us. Rather than making judgements, we acknowledge other points of view and respond with a "hmmm, that's interesting" and move on without reacting.

Not by 9:00 tomorrow morning
Being able to accept and understand like this isn't something that happens overnight, especially for those of us who have a deeply-ingrained tendency towards making judgements about others.

But there are behaviors we can focus on and develop to help us to accept others who push our buttons: patience, understanding, appreciating differences, recognizing the essential nature of others, and being open to, valuing and allowing the uniqueness of others.

When we focus on these behaviors, like and dislike stop being part of the relationship equation. Gradually, they will be replaced by compassion, empathy, acceptance and understanding.

Online social networking - a boon or bane?

2009-12-21T18:00:00.007+05:30

Despite being in the software field (which means that I'm net-savvy), I'm a bit of a slouch when using online social networking sites. Part of the reason being that I'm wary of chatting with people I've never seen before. The other reason being that I'm a working professional who loves to keep busy during office hours and switch off the computer when I'm home. Of course, having been married early and off the dating/finding mates market meant that the sites held no special lure for me. Due to the above reasons I joined the Orkut and Facebook bandwagon pretty late. Infact, I was so put off by the deluge of 'friendship' offers on Orkut by unknown people that I went into online social hibernation for quite some time. A couple of friends had to literally coerce me into opening a Facebook account as they had shared some photo albums on it. Why? Well, here's the reason.

I quote here from an article I read on the web - "Facebook is a narcissistic distraction from daily life. It provides a cross between the mindless absorption of the TV set and the obsessive self-involvement of the bathroom mirror." End of quote. The minutia of the status updates, games, photos, videos etc. on Facebook gives one a voyeuristic glimpse into the lives of countless, faceless friends on the web. The life patterns of people, whom we've known as our childhood friends or classmates, become predictable, and to some extent, pathetic. Familiarity breeds contempt they say and I agree that the mystery that is maintained through writing old-fashioned letters or even email to pen-pals beats the familiarity bred of online friendship. Catching up with long-lost friends over phone, or in person, is far more soul stirring than meeting up over Facebook or online chat rooms. This is the reason I seldom keep in touch with my closest friends over these channels.

No matter how many people claim the success story of their love lives to such networking sites, lets face the fact that these sites were basically created so that the average romance-hungry, lonely netizen can escape into the cyber world and search for his/her soulmate. For this purpose maybe, these channels are a God-send, although I've my doubts. However, for networking and friendships, the amount of information churned out is humongous! Why would I want to know what the family of my nursery schoolmate looks like? The information overload brought on by having to remember so many faces(family of online friends), significant dates, details of who is traveling where and who is going through which crisis or turmoil must surely take a toll on the functioning of our brain.

Also, the amount of time spent on these sites is phenomenal. If we add up the time spent by all the teenagers, college-going students, working professionals, every person seeking a mate on the net, the total amount of time spent is mind-boggling. One can't help but think if it could've been put to a better, more honorable purpose. And think of the cost of the network bandwidth or even employees' time spent on the net during office hours. We are definitely losing a lot due to this. Do the advantages of these sites really outweigh the disadvantages?

A couple of movies...

2009-12-16T15:15:00.006+05:30

Saw a couple of movies recently that left an impact.

Close on the heels of the Tiger Woods scandal, saw a golf movie on the idiot box - The Legend of Bagger Vance. Whether it was the glamor of the game, the dust swirling due to the Woods story doing the rounds of most news channels and newspapers or the fact that it was staged on the backdrop of Southern America of the 1940s - my interest was caught and held. Of course the costumes, hairstyle and dialogue was different and hence immediately eye-catching too. The plot - a disillusioned war veteran, Captain Rannulph Junah, reluctantly agrees to play a game of golf. He finds the game futile until his caddy, Bagger Vance, teaches him the secret of the authentic golf stroke which turns out also to be the secret to mastering any challenge and finding meaning in life.

Matt Damon plays the golfer and Will Smith his caddy. Must say the former looks very fetching :) Charlize Theron as Miss Adele Invergordon plays the savvy southern belle who pulls a coup of sorts by bringing together 3 unlikely golfing rivals to play in a tournament. Directed by Robert Redford and nominated for 10 awards, this 2000 movie is definitely worth watching, especially by golf enthusiasts.

The other movie I saw - this time in a theatre, was 'Paa'. Having seen the promos, and mails about Big B's look and makeup for the movie, and read about the disease progeria, I was under the impression that this would be a tear-jerker. I went armed with my biggest handkerchief and with my coolest friends, so that they could cheer me at the end of the movie. But much to my surprise, the movie is very light and actually makes you laugh! Auro's character - played by Big B is very well-adjusted and quite reconciled with his illness. Inspite of the many hardships faced by him and his mother, he has a very balanced approach to life. The dialogues are witty, the humor verges on the toilet kind, but not too vulgar. Its difficult to recognize Amitabh under all the makeup. He looks altogether too fragile and shrunk. Even his voice is different. Abhishek Bachchan and Vidya Balan have given extremely competent performances. Vidya looks stunning in the cotton saris with three-fourth length blouse sleeves and long braided hair. Infact they both look good together.

Hats off to R Balki on yet another brilliantly directed movie (after Cheeni Kum). He completely takes away the focus from the seriousness of the story and makes it thoroughly palatable. The movie reinforced the lesson that life is a game of cards. No matter what kind of hand you are dealt, what matters is how you play the game!

Baby's day out

2009-11-26T22:18:00.003+05:30

My aunt (mom's sister) and her hubby have one son. He is currently away from home in Delhi for studies. Ever since he left, they have been disconsolate and eventually my uncle got a parakeet as a pet to ward off the gloom. The bird is named Tom after Tom Cruise. Its almost a year old now, they got it early this year.

Tom is like the baby of the house. He wakes up everyone in the morning with his cute chirping - he chatters nineteen to the dozen. He loves to sit on the dining table when everyone is having breakfast, lunch or dinner. He is fond of rice and actually eats from my uncle's tongue! He even calls my uncle and aunt by their names.

He is a bit wary of strangers but once you feed him, and he has had time to know you, he will condescend to acknowledge you. If you give him your palm in the shape of a perch, he will climb onto it in a dignified manner and start making his way to your shoulder. If you are a girl, he will love to play with your chain, ear-rings etc. If you are a male, he will perch himself on your shoulder and go to sleep. Btw, did I mention that he prefers males to females? Other times he loves to walk(waddle) on the floor and if he sees anyone's feet, he will climb up and again make his way to the shoulder.

Tom doesn't know how to fly much as he was caged almost since birth, though at my aunt's place, is he usually outside his cage. Yesterday morning though, after breakfast, Tom went missing. He had apparently flown out the front door from my aunt's place. My aunt-uncle were frantic with worry. They live on the top floor of their building. Since Tom can't fly well, they were anxious about his landing. Perdators such as cats were a nightmare. They searched high and low for him. They alerted neighbors in their building as well as surrounding buildings, their daily help, and anyone they met to look out for their missing parakeet.

My usually stoic uncle was actually seen to shed a few tears. Both of them had had no food since breakfast. My grandmother arrived to give them moral support. She was the one who updated me on the events of the day. By late afternoon, they had given up all hope. My uncle was so disconsolate that he called the person they had got Tom from and asked them for another bird. They were about to set out to collect the other bird, when their chowkidar shouted that he saw a different bird on the third floor of the building opposite to their flat. My uncle hurried to the spot. And sure enough, there was Tom! He was sitting forlornly most probably repenting his flight. The moment he saw my uncle, he chattered non-stop and flew to his arm. There he was perched all the time until uncle brought him home. Once back in his cage, he drank and ate from his bowls alternately while his eyes were drooping with exhaustion . The little one was on the verge of dropping from hunger, thirst and the excitement of the day.

How happy my aunt and uncle were to have him back! Their baby had had a harrowing day out and so had they. Alls well that ends well.

What's your Raashee?

2009-11-24T14:37:00.004+05:30

Watched Ashutosh's Gowarikar's movie by this name recently. It is based on a Gujarati novel - Kimball Ravenswood by Shri Madhu Rye. It is about the much-debated topic of astrology that has suddenly gained popularity among the masses. Ashutosh probably wanted to cash in on this trend and ventured into hitherto unexplored territory(for him) of the rom-com. The protagonist - Yogesh Patel has to get married in 10 days in the arranged way and wants to meet one girl from each raashee to give him a chance to fall in love(as if!). This is the plot in which Priyanka Chopra gets to play 12 different characters - you guessed it- a girl from each raashee. Am still not sure if the movie was meant to be a primer on 12 astrological signs, OR a satire on how complicated women are, OR just a sad attempt at a suspense-ful romantic movie.

The less said about the movie, the better. About the raashees - well, I am a keen student of astrology myself and know some of the traits. I mean, just yesterday, I was in a conference room with some colleagues at office. Someone spilled some coffee from their mug onto the table. While most others ignored the small stain on the table, one of the colleagues quietly fetched some paper towels from the pantry and wiped the stain. I promptly asked him - "Are you a Virgo?" and he nodded in chagrin :) So you see, I do know my raashees.

Many of the cliched traits attached to various signs have been used in the movie e.g. Scorpio women love to dress to kill and can be fire and ice at the same time. Libra women are too level-headed almost to the point of being ..ummm... anal. Leo women love to be in the limelight and have pre-conceived notions. Pisces women live under illusions. Cancer women are the naive, honest ones who get taken advantage of, Virgo women are hypochondriacs - they see and fear disease all around them and Capricorn women suffer hardship from a very tender young age.

Though I have studied all the signs and guessing people's sun-signs is my favorite pastime; I sincerely feel that the world's population cannot be so summarily categorized into 12 zodiac signs. Having said that, I do believe that astrology is a powerful science and not something to be dismissed as nonsense. After all, if our wise forefathers spent so much time analyzing it then there must be some truth in the subject although no demonstrable evidence has been unearthed or documented yet. It is definitely not a simple matter of knowing one's sunsign/moonsign and reading up the traits for that. Its a complex subject where positions of all planets at the time of birth need to be studied and their positions relative to each other taken into account. When this is done, every horoscope chart is unique, no two are alike. Hence, every individual is unique and cannot be generalized under a category so easily.

Then there is the debate regarding what is construed as the birth time? Is it the time when the baby was conceived, or when the baby gives its first cry after being born, or when the umbilical cord is cut and baby is completely on its own for the first time? Do the doctors or nurses note this time accurately? Hard to tell. So whatever time we know as our birth time, may not even be accurate. It is a vast and deep topic, more of a statistical study than a science. Hence, it cannot be deciphered in a 2-hour movie or a 2 month course. How can some so-called astrologers make a profession out of it then? Probably, that's why there is the notion of Western Astrology where they have signs by birth month instead of birth time. But, there is room for confusion even in that if we go by the various different calendars that are followed all over the world. The Chinese got it right (as usual!) by dividing the signs as per birth year. There is not much margin for error here. But the categorization is even more bizarre - imagine being put in the same league as your pesky classmate with the horrible teeth-clips !

One of my relatives has this annoying habit of calling me up and asking me - "Nilu, tell me more about my sunsign. Will I be happy? Will I get the home I always dreamed of?" Or when one of my friends is getting married, I get asked "The girl's raashee is so-and-so. Will we get along fine?" Its too late to warn by then anyway as all the plans are made and one doesn't want to be seen as a spoil-sport. I feel like a doctor, who no matter where she goes, is always accosted by people for their symptoms of something or the other. No rest for the doctor or the astrologer in this day and age!

Any guesses for which of the raashee's girl the hero hitches up with? Watch the movie.

South east Asia tour- Diwali '09

2009-10-30T14:41:00.008+05:30

For Diwali this year, we took the F7 tour of Kesari travels to south-east Asia. The trip spanned 11 days and 4 countries - Hongkong, Malaysia, Singapore and Thailand. The group consisted of 26 members - one 5-yr old, 3 teenage girls from ages 12-18, a single girl, a single guy, 3 young couples and several older couples. Thus, we had representation from all age groups. Our tour guide - Pramod is a rock-star! He, and the tour group, truly made the trip enjoyable!

It is difficult to list down the events, and impressions, of 11 days of such a colorful trip in a few words. However, I will endeavor to do so without taking away from the charm and wonder of a truly memorable trip:)

At the Mumbai airport, when I first beheld the tour members approaching our rendezvous, (recognizable from the scarlet Kesari hand luggage!) I must admit that I was a bit disappointed. I am a people person and generally enjoy in a group. However, the members seemed to be much older and one of the younger families had kids so they probably would not have much time for others I felt. Appearances and first impressions can be so wrong sometimes! Kesari impressed me there itself, when they thoughtfully handed us packets of dry snacks and Diwali 'faral', and also caps, at the airport.

Our first stop was Hongkong and we met everyone properly only when we landed at the Hongkong airport. Our tour guide had everything in hand and he introduced us to the local tour guide- Veronica. She spoke English in a thick Chinese accent, but she had a wacky sense of humor. We reached Hongkong in the evening and were given just an hour to freshen up before being taken to the Avenue of Stars. It reminded me of Marine drive of Mumbai in the evening. The laser show with lights shining in various patterns from the high-rise buildings lining the lake in tandem with music was mind blowing! I had never seen anything like it before. Dinner at the Indian restaurant was really good - it felt as if we were eating in India only. On the second day, we did a city tour and there was a brief self-introductory session in the bus. It felt good to match names with faces and find out more about our fellow travelers. The second half of the day was spent at Disneyland and the various shows- Lion king show, the Disney parade and the Fireworks show really made our day. Urged on by our group members, I somehow plucked up the courage to go on the Space Mountain ride which is a high speed roller coaster in the dark. It was truly a once-in-a-lifetime experience as I plan on NEVER taking such a ride again:)

On the 3rd day, we left for Malaysia and landed at the Kuala Lumpur airport. We had lunch at an Indian restaurant again (excellent food!) and then went on to Genting Highland. This is a weekend getaway kind of place with casinos, and a theme park for day-time entertainment. After depositing our heavy luggage in lockers at the foot of the hill, we traveled the last lap to the top in cable cars. The panoramic view of the verdant, and almost vertical, cliffs from the cable car was breath-taking! Genting means 'in the clouds' in the Malay language, and we were literally among the clouds when we reached the place! We had to lug our overnight bags up and down a maze 0f escalators to reach our hotel. This had been by far the most hectic and tiring day of the tour and it was not yet over! After freshening up for an hour, we went for dinner at a multi-cuisine restaurant. This time we partook of other cuisines such as Thai and Chinese food.

Post dinner, we were taken to a casino where some of us tried our luck at the various tables. But apart from one lucky member, no one made any money. Our tiredness soon saw us trudging back to the hotel room for a much-needed shuteye. The next morning was Diwali day. We had been given the 'utna' (scented herbal powder) with which to take a bath. And we had been asked to don our best clothes as today there was to be a group photo session. So, after our elaborate ablutions, and a sumptuous breakfast, we headed out to the theme park at Genting. Now, I'm not a adventurous person when it comes to rides at amusement parks. There was a ride called as Space shot, where they take you up a tall tower and then just drop you from the top. For a few seconds, it feels as if this is the end, but then the free fall is checked and you reach terra firma safely. Everyone was singing praises of the ride and since I had not garnered the guts to experience it, I can only repeat from hearsay that this was the highlight of the trip so far :) After lunch at the same multi-cuisine restaurant, we headed back to Kuala Lumpur. However, our cable cars on the way down stopped for the longest, and scariest, half hour and we were literally suspended from the ropes with the cars swinging in the wind for that time. I must have hummed all the prayers I knew under my breath in this time!

After a city tour of Kuala Lumpur we finally checked into our hotel at 10 pm. A couple of ladies still had the energy to perform Laxmi pooja! We met at their room and at 10:30 in the night, all of us sang aartis and offered our prayers to Goddess Laxmi in Malaysia. The following day we started for Singapore, this time by road instead of by air. Our first stop after reaching Singapore was the Jurong bird park. We were fascinated by an astonishing variety of birds at this park. There was a bird show where birds actually sang, played basketball and flew through hoops held by random members of the audience. After that we went for the Night safari. We were taken for a ride through the jungles in a tram where we got to see animals in their natural habitat during night time. There was also an animal show where they introduced some animals and a snake was actually 'found' under the seats among the audience! This was part of the show, by the way.

The breakfast at our hotel was oh so good, I can still taste it:) Post breakfast the next day, we visited the Orchid park, the Gems gallery and undertook a river cruise through Singapore. I had never seen orchids in so many varieties and colors before. What's more, I discovered that orchids had a subtle fragrance only after seeing them there in full bloom. The life-like 'paintings' made of gems and precious stones in the Gems gallery was a novelty, though expensive. We went to Sentosa Island in the second half. This is well-known for its Underwater World, one of the largest oceanariums that has an 83m long acrylic tunnel for a spectacular view of marine life. We also visited the Images of Singapore gallery and then did the Louge ride which involved driving small cars down a slope with hair-pin curves and then coming back up in cable cars. The simulated roller coaster ride (Cine blast) and the 3D movie on Pirates were a blast. The final attraction at Sentosa was a light 'n laser show called 'Songs of the sea'. It was a spectacular show of water fountains, lights and figures & patterns made of laser beams over the backdrop of sea. On the way back from Sentosa to Singapore city we had an hour's halt for shopping at the Mustafa mall by popular demand.

The following day we left for Bangkok by air. After reaching Bangkok, we traveled by road to Pattaya. On that first evening, we were taken to see the Alcazar show, which had cultural dances by beautiful 'ladies' in colorful costumes. The songs were all in Thai, but there was one in Hindi which we could identify and understand. Later, the 'ladies' stepped out among the audience and posed for photos for a price. It was only after we left for our hotel that we were told that they were not ladies at all but 'ladyboys' and what we saw was a ladyboy cabaret. Dinner at Pattaya was a bit of a letdown. The next day saw us speeding in a boat to Coral Island for some water sports. We did parasailing and underwater walking to feed the fishes. The latter was a really interesting experience. We rode the water scooter and then shopped for souvenirs at the stalls on the beach. After a bath, some rest and a wholesome lunch, we set out for the Nong Nooch village on the outskirts of Pattaya. There we were entertained by yet another cultural show and then by some impressively well-trained elephants. Did you know that elephants can bowl, play football as well as paint? Well, believe me, they can! After posing with some interesting sculptures in the garden at Nong Nooch, we went for the much-awaited and anticipated Thai massage in Pattaya. The hour-long scientific massage based on acupressure was heavenly to say the least! We were all floating on scented air post the massage and all 'loosened' up to taste the night life of Pattaya:) The walk through the Night market was a sad sight as the flesh trade is so blatant and in-your-face. I felt bad for the ladies who were being openly solicited by their pimps outside bars and restaurants. The next day was the most relaxing one of the entire trip. In the morning we spent 3 hours doing some serious shopping at a jewelry gallery. Yes, we ladies celebrated a belated 'padwa' :) after which we had lunch and then proceeded for Bangkok. The hotel at Bangkok was the best and the hotel property was awesome. The view of the river with a bridge across it from our room was amazing. However, we could not spend much time in the luxury of the hotel as some members couldn't wait to explore the shopping at Bangkok. So off we went to the MBK mall. However, we got a good taste of the famous traffic jams of Bangkok en-route and were stuck in traffic for almost 2 hours! But we put the time to good use by playing a game of Dumbcharades and generally enjoyed the break. Having lost valuable time, we only checked out all the important stores at the mall for some serious shopping on the subsequent day. The next morning had us walking the most as we flitted from various shows(dolphin show, sea lion show, orang utan show and the James Bond show) in the Safari park of Bangkok. The wild-life safari was scintillating, but my ambitious plan of pulling the hair from the lion's mane was thwarted as they wouldn't allow us to alight from our bus :( We spent the latter part of the day shopping again and took an adventurous ride in the sky train, and later in a taxi, in crime-ridden Bangkok.

And then on the last day of the trip, we visited the temples of reclining Buddha at Bangkok. It was a serene experience and the splendor and hygiene at the temple held us enthralled. We took a 360 degree view from the revolving deck on top of the Baiyoke tower of Bangkok which showed that there was a shady part to the city just like our Mumbai. The latter half of the day was spent in bargaining at Indra square market. On our last journey to the airport, we gifted a diary to the tour guide thanking him profusely for making our trip so comfortable. The speeches got a bit emotional.

And so ended our grand tour of south-east Asia. It was a much-needed break from routine, a refreshing change with hardly any head or heart ache and worth every penny we spent! I whole-heartedly recommend the destination, the tour as well as the tour company -Kesari!!

Small gestures that made some moments unforgettable-

Calls of 'Ganpati bappa moraya ' whenever we started for any trip in a bus.
Singapore guide Helen's naughty sense of humor on bird(butt) park.
'Thumka' given by one of our senior lady members on a song during 'Antakshari'.
Dumbcharades game played on the bus.
Good natured ribbing of Joshua on his shoppaholic nature.
The camaraderie and looking-out-for-each-other spirit shared by all group members.
The uncomplaining and adjusting nature of the senior members as well as the youngest member, Soham, in the group.

Cocktail

2009-10-06T20:55:00.005+05:30

When I cleared my HSC board exam with better than average marks, my dad wanted me to be a doctor. I however had other plans. When I went to submit my admission forms, I was getting admission in both engineering and medical colleges. I opted for engineering. My dad was so mad at me that he didn't speak to me for a full week. Till date, he maintains that I'd have made a good doctor. I was reminded of his words recently due to the following incident.

My aunt's (mother's sister's) 24-year old son has been laid up with high fever for last few days. So much so that he had to be admitted to hospital for observation as doctors were unable to diagnose the cause of the fever. All pathological tests were negative. After 4 days at the hospital, with no specific diagnosis for his recurring temperature, he and his parents were understandably at their wit's end and very, very worried.

I had been a silent spectator while all this was unfolding. I tried to lift their flagging spirits with humor. Most of the seasonal and rampant diseases had been ruled out as one after another all the tests gave negative results. Finally, one blood test gave positive result - leptospirosis. It was heartening, as well as ironical, to see the joy on my uncle and aunt's faces at the positive lab result :) At least now the cause, and therefore, the treatment was clear. But I was not satisfied and told them as much to their chagrin. For this same test had given negative result a couple of days earlier. The only reason I could think of was that there was another virus(or bacteria) in his body which was still latent. That is why none of the tests had clear positive result. And sure enough, this morning, my aunt called to let me know that the peripheral blood smear sample taken a couple of days ago, and treated as culture in the laboratory, had shown signs of typhoid bacteria. So, it was indeed a cocktail of bacterial infections!

I remembered my dad's words and had a moment's misgiving that I'd missed my profession after all! But then, I consoled myself, I'm not doing too badly at my current one either.

Life's lessons

2009-10-01T14:04:00.004+05:30

We recently attended the birthday party of my husband's 3-year old niece. Now, this niece is among the first of her generation and hence a very well-loved child. She is the apple of her parents', grandparents', and yes, her great-grandparents' eyes! She only has to say something and everyone around her falls over themselves to do her bidding. To do her justice, she is also very cute and speaks in a charming manner. No wonder then that she has everyone jumping through hoops for her.

At pre-school, she has been dubbed as an intelligent, though adamant, child. On the occasion of her birthday, there were other little children present in her home who were playing with her toys. Whenever another child rode her favorite tricycle, she wanted to ride it just then! If someone sat on her dinner chair, she wanted to sit in it too. It was obvious that sharing her things, or even sharing the limelight, does not come easily to her.

So, it is a matter of some curiosity of how she would cope now that her mother is expecting again at the end of this year. It led to some speculative discussion among the old ladies present which I happened to overhear. The consensus was that the advent of another child on the horizon will invariably bring this niece down from her pedestal quite abruptly. This might in turn disturb the peace of the entire family for quite some time. All this however could have been avoided if the elders in the family had taken care to not pamper her with so much attention and adulation. Admittedly, there is a grain of truth in that.

The discussion led me to a philosophical line of thought. All of life's troubles are aimed at teaching one or more of us a lesson. The advent of another baby, quite possibly an accident, is for the reason to teach the joy of sharing to this child. Due to this, her parents and immediate and extended family might feel the pangs until she gets adjusted to the new arrival. So, even if one person in the family has a lesson to learn, the entire family and surrounding circle becomes affected.

This happened in my project at office too recently. We toiled hard for 6 long months and ran into all sorts of pressures and road-blocks before we could pull off the product release. The reason, as per my introspection, was because each of the key members in the team had a lesson to learn which manifested as various road blocks and the entire team was impacted. Thus, its best to look at life's struggles as a lesson; learn it humbly if it is aimed at us and wait it out patiently if its meant for another. No matter how unjust or untimely it may seem, it is there for a reason.

Recession

2009-09-08T21:23:00.003+05:30

I joined my current organization around 5 months ago. It is located in a software technology zone on the outskirts of my city. Infact, it is surrounded by verdant hills. In the rainy days, the drive to my office is quite scenic and the last lap especially is a climb uphill. Everyone however is not lucky like me to be able to drive a 4-wheeler to the office. Many commute by bus or rickshaws. However, the buses or rickshaws stop about a kilometer from my office at the foot of the hill. I see many of them trudging the last mile up the hill with heavy haversacks on their backs. Many times I stop to give them a ride to the office. And I am not the only one who does that.

Yesterday morning, I spied an old man walking along this road. He seemed to be in his sixties, and appeared to be sweating profusely. I stopped and asked him if I could drop him to the office. He accepted my offer gratefully and sat next to me wiping his wet brow. He then volunteered that he was going to meet Mr. Shaikh in my office. Said the he had been promised the job of a security guard there. He asked me if I knew Mr. Shaikh. I replied that I did not. He then asked, 'This is a big organization, no? Do you think they will hire me? I was specifically asked to come to this office today.' Frankly, I was a bit surprised for he did not look like a security guard to me. He caught my look and hastened to explain that he had recently been laid off from his factory. The owner had cited repeated losses and lack of funds for the termination of his duties. At his age, he had looked forward to retiring comfortably some years down the line. However, it was not to be. He was forced to look for a job at such a late age.

By now, we had reached the main gate and I had to drop him so that he could go through the entry formalities. The sun peeked out from behind the clouds at this point, but there was a shadow in my heart. I felt guilty for being young, wealthy and in possession of a secure means of income. I felt that life was really unfair and there was nothing one could do about it. One can only help one another in the struggle that is life and be the shoulder to cry on. One cannot remove another's burden, just lessen it maybe. I hope the gentleman got his job.

Men are from Mars, women are from Venus

2009-08-16T10:59:00.007+05:30

Recently I attended an interesting meeting at my organization. The focus was on empowering women in the organization. The participants were all female. Perhaps thats why we had an extremely uninhibited discussion. As with all meetings, I had gone with the perception that this might be a male-bashing session wherein all women rant about how they suffered in the workplace due to the insensitivity of their male counterparts. Surprisingly enough, I was proved wrong!

We ended up discussing how men and women both have certain preconceived notions about gender stereotypes. And how this hinders their understanding of each other as colleagues. Also, due to social psyche, women are sometimes ill-equipped to deal with workplace requirements. I know the feminists among you may already have raised their eyebrows hence some examples follow :)

Women do not have informal forums such as men when they go on smoke or tea breaks. There was a debate whether a woman should shed her femininity and follow her male colleagues on these jaunts or preserve her womanly grace and stick with other (much fewer) women colleagues only.
Women are more qualitative rather than quantitative. While appreciating someone, they will only say "Nice!", "Very good". There is no additional data such as "I appreciate that you did xxx particularly well". Also, they will approach their manager saying they just got married and have to move to another city. Hence can he do the needful for their transfer to the office in that city? The organizational expectation here is that the manager is only there to facilitate the transfer; the onus of making it happen is really in her hands by building a good enough business case for her transfer!
Women are used to being appreciated for efforts rather than results. At home, when they sweat it out in the kitchen trying out a new recipe and even if it doesn't turn out that well, their efforts are well applauded. They expect the same at office, but manager is more interested in whether a task was taken to completion rather than how much effort was spent on it.
Women are shy about taking credit or marketing themselves. They think that tom-toming about their achievements - whether at workplace or even in school/college is bad etiquette. However, men are used to this and rather expect this from their colleagues.
Men think that women are good organizers hence the task of arranging for a party or an outing usually falls into the plate of the woman in any team. Some women are actually really bad at this or even hate this and some men actually love doing this. Women should learn to be firm with a gentle touch and turn down such assignments with panache.
Women are not aggressive or assertive in workplace communications. The other end of the spectrum here is that a woman who has been aggressive in a meeting is never forgiven for that outburst by the men. She is labeled as "difficult" and it pretty much follows her everywhere. A man in her place is immediately given the benefit of doubt, however. Again, here the onus is on women here to lead with a gentle hand or wield the whip where required.

There were many such topics discussed but these were the ones worth mentioning most. They certainly opened my eyes. Even with many women stepping into the corporate world today, there are very few on the top. The differences between men and women start getting exposed most as they rise up the corporate ladder. There are no courses to teach some of these things to women and most learn through tough or bitter experiences only. By giving a platform to discuss such things, my organization really helped us learn from each others' experiences!

Get in touch with your Crayon Box

2009-08-16T10:06:00.006+05:30

Note : The title and the concept of this post was inspired by "The Last Lecture" by Randy Pausch.

As children, we used to have so much fun with colors. We used to color anything and everything into a color scheme of our own. The sun need not be yellow or orange, the trees need not be green, and the mountains need not be brown. We were not restrained by any rules and had fun rendering the black and white lines in our coloring books to any colors that took our fancy. The only objective was that the page should have more colors than black and white.

Somewhere along the line though, we develop a penchant for the black and white colors. Everything is either black or white. If someone does this, he is bad. If someone does that, she is good. As adults, we become more judgmental and conventional. There is no room for more colors, they are suddenly regarded as gaudy, superfluous and distracting. Especially people like me, who are in computer science field, tend to see everything in binary - true or false! But over the years, I've learned to appreciate that a good crayon box might have more than two colors.

I still take a lot of pleasure in filling colors with crayons in coloring books. You may find this childish, child-like, quaint etc. but believe me filling colors in a black-n-white picture is very therapeutic. Besides, this activity requires so much focus that there is no room for any disturbing or stressful thoughts in your brain while you are coloring. The pleasure that one gets on seeing the finished picture full of various colors, is unparalleled. Those of you who have had their homes painted can identify with this. God created so many colors and gave us the ability to discern between them. We are partial to some colors, but we must remember that there are so many others to enjoy too.

Flu, Fly, Flo, Flum...

2009-08-14T14:29:00.005+05:30

Swine flu has taken my city - Pune, by storm lately. It had been in the news since May this year, and started making waves in the last month. Pune especially came into the limelight due to the high number of cases detected and highest mortality so far in the nation.

Every passing day the newspaper gives the score of how many more succumbed to the disease. The outlook is dismal to put it mildly. This is THE most frequently talked about topic everywhere, be it media, lunch tables, family conversations etc. A panic has gripped the citizens of Pune - anyone who sneezes or coughs even mildly becomes the victim of suspicious glares and nasty looks. Any rise in body temperature sends people scurrying to the nearest screening centre. There is a sudden and unprecedented demand for hand sanitizers, masks, preventive medicines and over-the-counter remedies such as eucalyptus oil, basil, vitamin c tablets, etc. Black marketing of flu medicine is rampant. Denigration of government's lack of responsibility in checking the spread of the virus is common. Life has come to a stand-still as schools are shut down and children are not allowed to play. Malls and cinema-halls are deserted. People huddle in separate corners of their homes trying not to worry about the fact that someone sneezed in their face during the day.

One good thing that has come about from this is that people have become more particular about hygiene and health. Its true that only when life is at stake do people bother to change their habits. Now everyone washes hands as frequently as possible. Spitting in public places has decreased. Smoking and in-take of alcohol has reduced; so has eating out as it plays havoc with the immune system. Sleeping and eating in a timely manner has taken precedence over work-a-holism and materialism. I wonder how long this will last?

The media has had a field day with daily news due to H1N1 but they've pretty much exhausted all the juice out of this story. People cannot live in fear indefinitely. Besides, fear is the greatest immunity downer. Soon, H1N1 will become another statistic and there will be other more interesting news hogging the limelight. Life has to go on. Ho-hum.

Thought of sharing a very cute pic that I received over email :)

Papa kehte hain!

2009-08-02T10:14:00.003+05:30

Like most girls, I've been a daddy's girl throughout my childhood. I wouldn't say that he and I share the closest father-daughter bond, but I certainly had more of an understanding with him than my mother during my growing years. The reason being that I resemble him more in looks and temperament than I do my mom.

Dad has always been single-mindedly ambitious for me and my brother to get the best marks at school. Everything else took lower priority as compared to studies - be it sports, extra-curricular activities, reading etc. He was the one who supervised my homework and progress at school. He used to be deeply disappointed if I missed the first rank at school. He even wanted me to top the university and wanted to see my photo published in the newspaper when I was in SSC! To be fair, his own photo had been published when he had topped in school in his native town and he had similar aspirations for us. For this, he discouraged us to be distracted by TV, friends etc. He told my mom not to expect me to help out in household chores as it would distract me from studies. He even insisted that I should not grow my hair as tending to it (washing, drying, braiding etc.) took away precious time! He frowned upon our participation is college functions and parties etc. were a strict no-no.

When I got my first job, he was always keen that I should do well in my career. He is most emphatic that he never wants me to quit work or give up on my career, no matter how much stress and juggling I have had to do especially after marriage. He even scolds my mom when she sometimes advises me to cut down on my job hours or quit it altogether since the hectic schedule sometimes takes a toll on my health.

By now, you must've got the gist that looking good, grooming etc. never really featured in my relationship with my dad. Imagine my surprise then, nay shock, when he commented on such a thing when I recently visited them. I had had a busy week at office and had dropped in to visit my parents in the evening. My mom commented on the dark circles under my eyes concernedly. And my dad quipped "Why don't you try the Garnier eye roll on?" My mom and I were both speechless! Then my dad explained that there was this ad they showed on TV where they show that applying this product got rid of dark circles. I was not even aware that my dad watched such ads and what's more they registered with him! He then said that its good that I don't yet have any grey hairs and that I should take care that I don't get them for another 10 years! I thought I would never live to see the day when my boringly ambitious dad would ever advise me on beauty products. It brought home the fact that my dad too is changing with age and experience (He is now retired and watches more TV). This has probably brought out the lighter and softer side in him. It is perhaps the beginning of an era where our relationship has taken a turn for a more comfortable and conventional equation where we can discuss anything under the sun with each other without inhibitions :)

Pottermania

2009-07-21T19:08:00.007+05:30

I was discussing the latest Harry Potter flick with a friend today. He has not read all the books, but summarized his interest(or lack thereof) by saying that it took seven books to finish off the bad guy! This comment incensed me so much that I decided to write about why I love the Harry Potter series. Ever since I read the first book back in 2001, I've been an ardent fan. My husband and friends used to laugh at my obsession with the books but humored my 'childish' whims by buying me books or tickets to the movie. But after watching the first two movies, my husband too got hooked :) By then 4 books had come out and he read all 4 over a weekend! How I used to wait with bated breath for the next installment back when all the 7 books were not out! And how much speculation went around for the ending of this historical series of books! I am grateful to have witnessed the publishing of these books in my lifetime for it is without doubt the most popular series of fantasy books ever written for either children or adults.

Full marks to JK Rowling for coming up with an extremely vivid depiction of a parallel wizarding world in contemporary times and making it credible too! Her writing skills, interesting character sketches and talent for continuity make the books unputdownable once you start reading. There was some controversy about the dark content in subsequent books, but apart from that there is little that can be found objectionable in the books. The concept is refreshingly original. The whole idea of having an entire syllabus of seven years for a school of wizards and witches is mind-boggling. The sheer imagination regarding various eccentric members of the school staff and different magical plants, animals and species is remarkable. There is even a sport and an entire ministry of magicians complete with dirty political agenda. As they say in hindi - "Isme action hai, emotion hai, drama hai aur comedy bhi hai!" No wonder the authoress is the richest woman in UK currently; such a book was bound to be a bestseller :) There are many life lessons to be learned too - Dementors sucking out the happiness from people and the Patronus spell that dispels the dementors reiterates the power of positive thoughts. The facts that one has to 'mean' the Unforgivable curses for them to take effect and that the soul is ripped apart when one kills someone are so true!

If you have reached upto here, am sure you are a fan, or at least an admirer too. Here's a small quiz to tickle your brains-

How many goal posts are there on a Quidditch pitch?
What is the name of Hagrid's dog?
What form does the Patronus of Hermoine take?
Ginny is the nickname of Ron's younger sister. What is her given Christian name?
Who does Ron think he is in love with under the influence of the love potion?
What is the last Horcrux and who destroys it?
Who was killed by the Basilisk?
Name the Hogwarts school flying teacher?
Who teaches Harry how to play wizard chess?
Which person was the first out of Voldemort's wand when Harry and Voldemort dueled?

Post your answers in comments!

Living in each moment

2009-06-28T20:16:00.003+05:30

In an organizational training program once, our trainer had asked us to contemplate over the last good meal that we had had and write down our feelings about it. Very few of us could wax eloquent about it. The point of the exercise was that life has become so busy for us that we rush through many experiences throughout our day without savoring them. The simple pleasure of a well put together meal escapes us as we are worrying about catching the bus or the train for office. We miss the delicate rainbow on the horizon while driving to work as we are intent on the traffic and news on the radio. There is no time to stand still and observe the beauty of nature, fragrant pastures, tasty offerings, chirping and twittering of birds and bees.

Ever since I attended that training, I've made it a point to savor each and every moment of my day. I appreciate a tasty meal now and can remember its taste for days afterward. I take the time to enjoy the scenery while driving to office. I stop to smell the fresh scent of the earth after the first rain. Or of the flowers in bloom. I can distinguish between the various moods of the speaker on the phone, especially of my family. I can sense when my maid is not feeling well and is getting ready to ask for a day off! Ditto for my colleagues at office.

And what is the result of this you might ask? I feel that I am truly alive now. I am more in touch with my senses and can know what I like or do not like instead of just going through the motions. I now know why I like certain foods and why I don't like others. I can bond easily with others as I can sense what they are feeling and react accordingly. When I see a breathtaking view, I thank the Lord for making me able to see it. When I see a baby giggling, I can wallow in the pleasure of innocence. When I am folding the laundry I love the fresh smell of the newly washed clothes. When I meet people who are slow, I no longer feel impatient. Instead I can appreciate the fact that God did not make all of us alike, else life would have been very boring! I thank the slow person for slowing me down from my hectic pace. When I read a good book, I take time to think about what I liked about the book. I thank the author for taking me through a great experience through book. When I stumble or make a mistake, I laugh and say "it happens". I've become humble, grateful, and yes, enlightened.

A woman's life

2009-06-28T18:57:00.008+05:30

"A woman’s life is more than marriage and children" - heard this dialogue in a movie(Miss Potter) on TV. This is in such direct contrast to what we have been taught or heard since childhood(especially in India) that the gears of my brain started spinning. I remember my grandmother telling me once that her parents had drilled into her that "baiche aayushya mhanje phakta chool aani mool"(A woman's life is all about the stove and her children.) But my grandmother was made of sterner stuff. Inpsite of being married off at the age of 15 and having had her first child(my mother) at the tender age of 17, she completed her studies and eventually got her graduate degree in BA. By God's grace, she was blessed with 5 daughters(and no sons), most of whom have had a career alongwith their married life. Having a father who believed that his daughter should walk the same line as his son helped me become the independent woman that I am today.

But I see many of my peers, who worked hard during school and college and started off with promising careers, succumbing to this school of thought either wilfully, or in some cases, against their will. Somewhere along the line their ambition got stifled in the domestic drudgery. Or in some cases, a break in the career ended up being the end of it out of sheer inertia. Or perhaps, current financial stability lulled them into a false sense of security. Of course, work is not just about the money it brings at the end of the month. It is about making judicious use of the valuable education each of us underwent. It is about having a life apart from taking care of our husbands, children and home. It is about having an identity and a sense of purpose. It is about having that extra bit of income we can call our own, which we don't feel guilty about spending on frivolous things such as expensive accessories, lavish gifts for family, cosmetic products to maintain our youthful looks or spending a couple of hours a month pampering ourselves in the parlor! It is also something to keep us sane from the boredom of when the children are grown and ready to fly from the nest. Working for our living makes us more decisive, confident and empowered - in control of our destiny. This of course leads to happiness for the woman as well as her family. I've also read somewhere that a woman who deals with the subtle politics of a work environment, soon learns to be street-smart. She can pass on this knowledge to her children too so that they can start their lives with an advantage in this fast-paced world.

I have seen friends give up flourishing careers in pursuit of the perfect balance between time for oneself and one's family. And I've seen those same friends regretting their decisions in these times of recession. I myself have been guilty of feeling so frustrated with the responsibility of running a perfect household and doing justice to my professional committments that I've contemplated giving up work many times. Thankfully, my parents and my husband have always encouraged me not to get bogged down by little frustrations. With a little help from the spouse and other family members, it is always feasible to enjoy a good balance between work and family life.

I have also seen women who work because they need the cash. In such cases, the work is just a necessary evil that has to be got through and hence they never excel at what they do or learn on the job. Such work fails to give them any satisfaction, confidence or independence - thereby reinforcing a feeling of entrapment. They think that they have to work in order to keep the house fires burning whereas other women get to laze around the house all day. All this martyrdom eats away into the happiness of the family. If these women start enjoying the work that brings them their financial freedom, they would feel so much happier.

I know of many women who are not married, or married but single now, but lead fulfilled lives through successful careers. Infact it is turning out to be the norm for this generation as more and more women value their independence over marriage and kids. However, I believe that a woman's touch is not only essential to a home, but it is vital to a woman's happiness to be the pivot in a household. Her natural management and nurturing instincts are best exploited, and satisfied, when she is running a household or any other kind of establishment. Also, who better to pass on one's talent and knowledge, but to one's own kids! In the words of my maid - "Bhagwan bina mandir nahi aur aurat bina ghar nahi!"

Thus, where the adage of woman's place being in the kitchen was true once, times have now evolved to the extent where men are taking up their share of the household responsibilities. A woman need no longer restrict herself to her home or shy away from working for a living. Nor need she think that marriage and kids are the end of a thriving career or waste of a good education. Being a woman is about marriage, children, family and oh ...so much more!

Rain, rain, don't go away!

2009-06-20T14:52:00.003+05:30

Having waited all month in vain
Of drought, there is a scare.
But oh, the promise of rain
Has brought a smile everywhere!

Clouds gathering in the darkening sky,
The wind threatening to rip my curtains,
On a lazy afternoon, has made me spry
As I hasten to protect my home from the rains.

Dashing from room to room,
To shut the doors and windows,
As it thundered with a tremendous boom,
I hoped that there'll also be rainbows!

I rushed out onto the terrace,
To feel the first precious drops,
On my flushed and excited face,
Taking instead the watery wallops.

I watched the children gathered below
Drenched to their skin in the downpour
And trees swaying in a graceful bow
Lapping up the water to their roots' core!

Rain, rain, please don't go away!
Amid inconveniences like mud and potholes
The people of India want you to stay
And pray for your stay with our hearts and souls!

All about salt

2009-06-07T20:04:00.002+05:30

What a strange topic to write about you might say! Well, today I observed a fast on account of Vat Savitri puja- the ritual practiced by married Hindu women for the well-being and long life of the husband. While consuming the saltless fasting food, my train of thought was directed to all things salty :)

I was reminded of the childhood story of the king who wanted to know which of his four sons loved him the most. After hearing exaggerated claims from his 3 elder sons, the king was quite taken aback when his youngest son told him that he loved him as much as he loved salt in his food. The king was quite crestfallen at this. But then the son made him eat food without salt. It was only then that the king realised how critical salt was to the taste and edibleness of food.

Salt is the common name for the substance sodium chloride (NaCl), which occurs in the form of transparent cubic crystals. Although salt is most familiar as a food supplement, less than 5% of the salt produced in the United States is used for that purpose. About 70% is used in the chemical industry, mostly as a source of chlorine. Salt is also used for countless other purposes, such as removing snow and ice from roads, softening water, preserving food, and stabilizing soils for construction.

Did you know that the Romans paid their soldiers an allowance of salt called a salarium - hence our word salary and the phrases 'worth one's salt' and 'true to one's salt'? And if you 'salt a mine', you add valuable ore or something similar to make potential buyers think that they're getting something worthwhile. Here is some trivia that I came across on googling on salt-

Salt of the earth - No, this is not the famous movie or the song from Rolling Stones album. According to the Oxford Dictionary of Idioms, 'the salt of the earth' is used to describe 'a person or persons of great kindness, reliability or honesty'. What was the origin of this phrase? Well, in the Moroccan city of Fez, the Jewish quarter (Mallah) is very old and was home to Jews who did a lot of salt mining. They were considered very useful to the community, and it is claimed that the expression 'salt of the earth' originated here.

Salting an account - It means when you put such a high value on something that you raise its market value. Of course, salt is traditionally a mark of social worth.

To sit below the salt - It means that someone has low social standing. It comes from an old custom of placing the family 'saler' (salt cellar) halfway down a long dining table. Those seated furthest away were the lowest rank. And people of distinction sat 'above the salt', near the head of the table.

Take with a pinch of salt - This expression, from the Latin cum grano salis, means that there's a grain of truth in it, not too much.

Its a small world !

2009-06-05T22:32:00.003+05:30

I completed my graduate degree from a city in Gujarat. After graduation, I took up a job in a city in Maharashtra. I lost touch with most of my graduation batchmates after that. Many of them left to pursue further studies in the US. Others took an indirect route - they got married to NRIs. And a third bunch of folks went to make hay while the sun shone in the dotcom boom in the US. I too joined the last bandwagon post my marriage, alongwith my hubby.

It was while commuting by bus in the initial days of my stay in bay area, California, that I met a classmate. "Hi, Nilambari", thus greeting me as if we were still in our class in college, he breezed into the seat next to mine. What were the chances of that?! Surely higher than that of bumping into the same classmate some months later in Disneyland of LA on a crowded weekend while waiting in the queue of a ride!!

I met yet another classmate, this time on the commuter train to my office in San Francisco. She was sitting right across from me. I didn't recognize her at first in her new hairstyle and new -er- personality. She used to be this demure girl in college, with a single oily braid and dressed always in punjabi suits. But she had metamorphosed into this confident, professional lady in a trouser suit and a chic hairstyle. She however had no problems recognizing me; am not sure if that is flattering or not :)

There was another incident where yet another classmate called my name across a crowded aisle in a department store. The meetings were not always co-incidental, they were planned too sometimes. We were a close-knit group of 6 girls in college - all serious and scholarly and boringly sincere. 3 of us moved to US after marriage, 2 to UK and one stayed on in India, but moved in different cities in India. We made it a point to meet each other whenever possible. Infact, I've met one of them in 3 countries so far - US, UK and India!

In the past six months, I've had the good fortune to meet three of my very close friends from college in my current city in India. My hubby has been born and brought up in this city and keeps bumping into someone or the other in cinema halls, department stores, cousin's weddings etc. I have always envied him the facility to be able to call his batchmates and meet them at will. Infact, many of my colleagues go out for reunion lunches, or dinners, with their batchmates. But I've realised that being spread out over the globe is no reason to lose touch or feel isolated. Not only has science made transport, or communication, amazingly easy and affordable, but people too have become more global. No more is it a chore or a financial burden to visit a friend in another town or even in another country. I felt so happy when I took my parents to a college friend's house-warming ceremony recently and my mom commented on how I've kept the candle of friendship burning with my friends from college! Thank you, dear mom, you made my day.

Marathi movie - Me Shivaji Raje Bhosale Boltoy

2009-06-03T17:31:00.002+05:30

I finally saw this much-hyped marathi movie recently. My mother and sister-in-law(bhabhi) saw it recently and wouldn't rest until they made the entire family see it :) So much so, that they almost bit my head off when I commented in jest that the name of a local mall should be changed as it was too ghati and did not match the sophistication of the mall itself. I regret my words after watching this movie, however.

The movie is so popular that it has been declared tax-free in cinema halls all over Maharashtra. Inspite of being mired in plagiarism controversy at the onset, this film picked up momentum over time and is a raging success everywhere. True, it does borrow the concept of Lage raho Munnabhai loosely, but it is definitely not a copy or even an inspiration. And it does not preach Shivajigiri, like Lage raho teaches Gandhigiri. Its simplicity and inspiring message for ALL Maharashtrians is what has made it a hit among students and middle-class Maharashtrians.

What I liked about the movie is that it has taken a progressive stance on Raj Thackeray's 'Marathi manoos' by including the people from other States who have settled in Maharashtra for decades. The film is not about spreading regionalism. Infact, far from denigrating people from other States, through the historical figure of Shivaji, it takes a rather grim appraisal of why marathi people have been left behind in the rat race. It not only derides the marathi businessmen for taking pride in the fact that they have no branches anywhere (something to be ashamed of really), but also reproves the meekness and laid-back attitude of the middle-class maharashtrian.

The director has woven the character of Shivaji and his right-in-command - Raiba very cleverly into the plot. How the protagonist applies anecdotes from the life of Shivaji to his own life and resurrects his self-esteem, and even his own identity, in the process, is what the movie is all about. Admittedly, it is shamelessly didactic, but its been done with so much finesse, and yes, even wit, that one can easily forgive the lapse. The dialogues and performances by Sachin Khedekar(protagonist) and Mahesh Manjrekar(Shivaji) are the highlights of the movie. The film demands respect for the much misused title of Ghati attributed to Marathi community in general. Says Shivaji that like one has regards for communal sects of Sardar, Shetty or Thakur, the tag of Ghati should be equally acceptable to all and, to start with, the Marathi Manoos himself.

A thought-provoking, feel-good film. Definitely worth watching!

Feeling hot, hot, hot...

2009-05-10T14:00:00.004+05:30

They say that when people don't have much else to talk about, they talk about the weather. However, this is not the reason for my post. Its just that the extreme heat of this Indian summer warrants recording the general feeling about it.

The Mercury has been steadily rising over the last couple of months. Pune has never been this swelteringly hot, and that too, for this long. All over India the temperatures have attained record highs, even if the stocks and the economy have not. For the first time, Pune has seen temperatures in the range of 41 degrees celsius for weeks together. In Maharashtra, the power situation being what it is, load-shedding for upto 3-4 hours makes it difficult to be even inside one's home. Air-conditioning is no more a luxury but a necessity. Same goes for 4-wheelers. I sometimes wonder how we used to play during summer vacations during school days. What has changed in the ensuing years that it is unthinkable to even step out of doors during summers? In some districts, temperatures have ranged from 47-49 degrees, surely not conducive to habitation and life!

All the chores are now governed by the scorching sun. If you can get things done outside the house before 10 AM, great! Else, better to leave only after 6 to do them. The single most essential item I have to carry with me these days is my bottle of iced water. Water parks and swimming pools are packed to the brim in this season. Tourism to hill stations and resorts is booming too, so its not bad news for all.

Its true that we are doing much better financially as compared to the previous generation. However, we seem to be spending most of the dough on cooling our homes, cars and offices. If this is what global warming is all about, its frightening to imagine what our children will be experiencing a generation from now. Perhaps it is not yet too late to bring the earth back to a more tolerable state than it is now.

Mango mania

2009-04-25T20:55:00.005+05:30

It is that time of the year when every self-respecting home or restaurant in India boasts of mango dishes or drinks. Yes, the mango season is almost here. An advertisement on TV brought a smile to my face the other day- a man is crazy about mangoes. He has planted a mango tree in his yard and keeps nagging it to give him mangoes. He sports a printed shirt with huge mangoes on it and is heard to mutter 'Aam' all the time. And then his son brings him 'Mazaa', a mango drink, to end this mango mania. I bet many Indians identify with this mango-lust. They love mango-pulp (aamras) with lunch or dinner, they love to slice and eat mangoes, or just suck them, eat with icecream or have mango-flavored milk-shakes or sundaes.

Call me quirky(after all we all have ours)but since childhood, mango has never agreed with my system, so I've stayed away from them. Infact, I'm immune to its so-called lure and fail to appreciate this all-consuming thirst for mangoes the moment the mercury starts rising in March every year. I remember that when I told him this, my husband had looked at me as if I had grown a horn on my head right there! When we used to live in the States, my husband missed the mangoes there.(US was not importing mangoes from India then) Seeing how much he craved the fruit, I once bought ones imported from Mexico. It was only after seeing the disgust on his face on tasting them that I learned that Indian mangoes, especially of the Alphonso(or Haafus) variety, are something to die for. For those in the US currently, there is good news. US decided to import Indian mangoes in 2008. Since the US prefers irradiation to get rid of an insect pest mango seed weevils and fruit fly from the fruits; paving the way for safe mango exports this year, the irradiation facility of the Bhabha Atomic Research Centre(BARC) at Lasalgaon in Maharastra's Nasik district has begun its operations this April.

However, when my brother visited the UK a couple of years ago, he had an entirely contrasting experience. He is another mango maniac and I had actually toyed with the idea of sending him a crate of mangoes last summer. However, he informed me that he was enjoying the best of mangoes in the UK - infact he had bought a basket for 7 pounds and it was the best money he ever spent! Looks like UK has no qualms importing the succulent alphonsos from India.

Cutting back to the motherland, a friend of mine always makes it a point to drive to Devgadh(7-8 hours drive) in the sweltering heat of April every year to get the best rate on Alphoso mangoes. For the uninitiated, Devgadh alphonso is the king of mangoes and eating it is regarded as a status symbol among many. It is also the most expensive and hence the sojourn to get them cheaper at the origin. Last to last year, he got no less than 30 dozen mangoes, of which he sold about 5 dozen to friends and consumed the rest with his family!

OH the fragrance, the color, the firmness, the TASTE of the Alphonso! The mango season being delayed on account of untimely rains in March, some people have actually stooped to eating other varieties(poor cousins of the Alphonso) such as Badaam and Langda this year. How the mighty have fallen! But soon, the king will arrive in all majesty and then all the kings will not hesitate to become 'aam aadmi' :)

On doing nothing

2009-04-25T19:33:00.006+05:30

When I was in school, I remember having a lesson in my English textbook titled - 'On doing nothing'. I also clearly remember thinking that the author (I fail to recall who) was a lazy bum who had made a virtue of his natural sloth. Please don't misunderstand me - I've been brought up by two hard-working parents, for whom idleness was the biggest vice in the world. My mother was the epitome of busyness; she got up early to cook our breakfast and lunch. She then got us ready for school and left for work herself. In the evening, after a relaxing cuppa, she slogged in the kitchen to put our dinner on the table. Evenings she spent watching her favorite soaps on TV - but even then, she used to cut, or clean, vegetables to be cooked for lunch the next day! Indeed, I remember my mother ordering me to dust the house, help with the cooking and drive her to buy groceries etc. whenever she thought I had no other work to do(esp. during school vacations). So much so, that when I see today's youngsters get away without having to dirty their glossy fingernails in the kitchen until they get married and move to the States, I am filled with a blend of distaste and pity.

Strangely, in my case, I learned the joys of doing nothing only after my marriage! My husband is the past master of 'doing nothing'. Don't get me wrong; he is a gold-medalist and therefore must have worked hard to achieve it. Its just that since achieving it, being idle is his next ideal. On our days off from work, while I'm busy catching up on accumulated housework - dusting, vaccumming, washing and ironing laundry, he loves to relax with the newspaper or in front of the TV. In the early days of our marriage we had a tough time adjusting to each others' level of er..idleness. Over the years we have worked a comfortable distribution of tasks. Which means that I have now learned to relax doing nothing. I recently took a short break from work. Everyone, including myself, thought I'd be bored silly. Strangely enough, I never once felt bored. I loved puttering about the house, tending to plants, cleaning closets, cooking dishes that I never thought I'd have the time and energy to cook. And of course, reading and writing, my favorite pastime. I did not have to stoop to watching soaps on TV, or gossiping with the neighbours, or taking long afternoon siestas. I used to sit on the sofa reading the newspapers or browsing through magazines, filing and polishing my nails or just burying into the soft, deep cushions contemplating the climax of the latest novel read by me.

I must say that I should thank both my mother and husband for helping me achieve this mix of keeping busy and doing nothing. My mother made me self-sufficient and taught me to love doing things for myself and my family. My hubby taught me that it is not necessary for one's self-esteem to keep doing something all the time. He taught me to be comfortable with my weakness of giving in to laziness sometimes, to empty my mind of all thought and just be comfortable in my skin.

Today, I look forward to spending time on my own, doing nothing. I have friends who dread going home as they have nothing to do. They will not venture home if their spouse, roommate or some other family member, is not at home. Or even if they are, there is no 'work' such as cooking, shopping etc. to be done as its all taken care of by others. Many of them have called me to go for dinner or a movie at such times. And it always makes me wonder why they don't feel comfortable to be alone and doing nothing in their own homes.

Today, I have tremendous respect for the author who wrote 'On doing nothing'. It is indeed an elusive art that most do not learn till it is very late.

The power of thoughts

2009-04-19T10:01:00.005+05:30

I have been reading a lot lately. I finished 2 books recently - 'You can heal your life' by Louise Hay and 'The Secret' by Rhonda Byrne. Both books talk of more or less the same thing - the power of thought. The former says our thoughts affect our health and happiness, and the latter emphasizes that in order to get what we want in life, we need to focus our thoughts in that direction.

Lets talk about the former first. The first book has the following philosophy -

1) We create every so-called illness in our body.
2) Resentment, criticism and guilt are the most damaging patterns.
3) Releasing resentment will dissolve even cancer.
4) We must release the past and forgive everyone, including ourselves.
5) When we really love ourselves, everything in life works.

The above is evidenced through a chart that lists all illnesses, ranging from common cold to cancer, the probable cause for that and the new thought pattern that can cure it. For example, people with knee problems have stubborn ego and pride. They are not willing to bend or give in. The thought pattern to overcome them is forgiveness, compassion and understanding. 'I bend and flow with ease and all is well.' When I tried to relate this to people who suffer from knee problems in my immediate circle, it seemed very true!

Now consider 'motion sickness'. It is caused due to a fear of losing control. I myself suffer from this. I have realized that I love to be in control all the time and whenever a situation arises where I don't have control, I feel most uncomfortable. The way to circumvent this is to keep repeating - 'I am always in control of my thoughts. I am safe. I love and approve of myself.'

Overweight - Need from protection. Running away from feelings. Insecurity, self-rejection. Seeking fulfillment. New thought pattern - 'I am at peace with my own feelings. I am safe where I am. I create my own security. I love and approve of myself.' Sound familiar?

The second book talks about the Law of Attraction. Not the one between opposite sexes! But it says that our thoughts are like a magnet that attract all those things in our life about which we think constantly. So basically, we are each responsible for all our life experiences. There is a saying which was heard in the Hindi film 'Om Shanti Om' recently - When we want something badly enough, the entire universe conspires to give it to us.' That is the philosophy of this book. When we want something really badly, we should never entertain any doubts or misgivings about getting it.

Ask - Know what you want and ask the universe for it. This is where you need to get clear on what it is you want to create and visualize what you want as being as 'real' as possible.

Believe - Feel and behave as if the object of your desire is on its way. Focus your thoughts and your language on what it is you want to attract. You want to feel the feeling of really 'knowing' that what you desire is on its way to you, even if you have to trick yourself into believing it – do it.

Receive - Be open to receiving it. Pay attention to your intuitive messages, synchronicities, signs from the Universe to help you along the way as assurance you are on the 'right' path. As you align yourself with the Universe and open yourself up to receiving, the very thing you are wanting to manifest will show up.

Some people are 'lucky' enough to get what they want in life. This is the secret of their 'luck'. We can all be lucky if we only apply the secret. Yoga, meditation, Reiki - they all talk about controlling your thoughts and thereby focusing your energy on what we want. It is a simple enough philosophy, but awfully tough to practise!. Perhaps that's why so many sadhus and gurus are raking money out of it.

Mother

2009-03-08T12:24:00.005+05:30

After writing a poem about daughter in my last post, it seems natural to move on to the subject of 'Mother'.

I saw a movie called 'Mother' on HBO today. It was an eye-opener in many ways.

The movie is about a mother and her 2 sons. One of them is 'well-adjusted' - married with kids and with a thriving career. The other one is a struggling writer with 2 failed marriages behind him. The writer son and the mother share a difficult relationship - they exchange insults at every possible opportunity. Although the mother speaks gently, her words are like barbs and the son feels he is being criticized all the time. The other son is mama's boy; he video-calls her everyday. He is quite put out when his mother cancels a weekend visit due to her other son visiting her out of the blue. His wife accuses him of not understanding his mother any better than his brother, but that he's just more clingy.

The mother stays alone in the family house. The writer son decides to come over to stay with his mother to work over his relationship with her. He is quite surprised with the objections put forward by his mother to his plan. His room has been converted into a sewing room and he cannot just go back to his life with her as a boy. Their conversations basically serve as an exercise to put down the son by the mother and to willfully misunderstand the mother by the son. The mother even has a 'male-friend' and the son is quite baffled by this knowledge too. Eventually, the son comes to know that his mother wanted to be a writer. However, her husband quashed her ambition of publishing her writings early in the marriage. The son concludes that that is why his mother was always critical of him; as she is resentful of the fact that he was a writer. The other son was safe as he didn't write hence he was 'closer'. The mother too realises that this could be true and they work out the tension in their relationship.

Apart from the unravelling on the mother-son relationship enigma, there are a couple of things that struck me after watching this movie.

First is, how we love to stereotype our parents, esp. our mothers! While attending a soft skills training session at my organization recently, I came to know that conversations are basically of two types - 'first-order conversations' and 'second-order conversations'. The former is a statement such as 'This is my mother'. The latter is nothing but a discussion around the first order statement viz. mother is a person who loves unconditionally, who you can trust the most etc. Most perceptions are built due to second order conversations. The origin of the word mother is someone who gives birth. However, we have stereotyped this person as the possessor of qualities such as unconditional love, trustworthy, dependable, good cook, always affectionate etc. And then we are disappointed when our mothers fail to live up to this image. We forget that she is an individual with needs and wants beyond that of her children. I myself have been guilty of judging my mother in this manner.

Secondly, like the son in this movie, if we take the trouble to analyze our troubled relationship with someone we love, we too can come up with such eye-opening analysis which will help improve the relationship. If only we take the effort and time to go through this. Most people I know simply accept the way things are thinking that nothing can be done about it. They tend to either continue with status quo or they prefer to sever the ties with the person, be it their parents, sibling or partner. Neither is a very healthy way to live.

Daughter

2009-02-21T11:42:00.003+05:30

She beheld her brand-new baby-girl
With eyes brimmed with love,
Couldn't believe this miracle
That fate had deigned to bestow.

It was as if the gates had opened
To let joy and cheer come in,
She lived to see her darling girl smile
And wallow in others' compliments and preen.

From infant to girl,
From girl to adolescent,
The years flying by
Made the joy effervescent.

The gradual shift from mother to friend,
The branded clothes, the summer vacations,
She now had to jostle for space
Among her darling's many occupations.

Still content to be on the periphery,
She was there to support her girl
Through adolescent crushes & exam fever
How the years passed by in a whirl!

Soon the girl turned into a lady,
And wanted dearly to fly,
Further studies and career ambitions
Her luck she craved to try.

With a heavy heart but always smiling,
She cut the apron strings,
And let her baby soar
On newly-acquired wings.

Soon her nest was empty,
For the bird had flown forever,
With not even a tear for her mother
So caught up was she in her fever.

New challenges beckoned,
And never a dearth of suitor,
New places to visit,
Who had time for the mother.

But never a day passed
When mother did not miss her girl,
Tears were now a part of life,
The smiles had departed with her pearl.

What a week!

2009-02-05T19:36:00.002+05:30

This has definitely been a memorable week in my career as well as my life! The HR department in my company had organized an HR week for last 4 days in my office. There were several sessions by internal as well as external speakers. The sessions ranged from technical leadership to women empowerment & soft skill development. There was a free health check drive going on. There were stalls put up by various branches of HR - viz. Corporate HR, Achievers stall, Talent Acquisition(aka Recruitment) and Competency development & Performance Management. All the stalls explained in detail the working of that department, the different policies that exist in the organization, some quizzes and games etc. In addition to all these, we also had DJ music playing in our cafeteria, and games such as 1-minute games, relay races and tug-of-war.

The participation in all of these was tremendous. After a rather dismal beginning to this year due to recession, this event brought in much-needed enthusiasm and cheer to everyone right from the office boys right upto senior management. It felt good to be away from our computer screens and fill our lungs with the refreshing air on our terrace cafeteria. Even the elevators had hilarious cartoons pasted on the walls - so much so that where people hung their heads in the elevator to avoid talking about the plunging stock prices and on-going lay offs before, now they had something novel to discuss on their way up or down.

Some of the sessions were truly awe-inspiring and thought-provoking. "Innovative Thinking" by Dr. Mashelkar, who was former Director General of CSIR, former Director of NCL, is foreign Associate for National Academy of Sciences and holds 27 Ph.D.s from various prestigious institutions, was a truly motivational session. That such a senior and celebrated person chose to spend time with us itself was humbling enough. That he spoke to us as if we were of his league was extremely touching. Another session on technical leadership by Dr. Anupam Saraph, who is the CIO of Pune was very informative. It was heartening to know what all is being planned to better the life of Puneites through the use of technology. Then there was another moving session by renowned Gynaecologist and Obstretician - Dr. Shinde, on Women's Empowerment in today's times. The Stress management session was well-attended and much-required. Also, the soft skill session on "Power through Conversations" by head of our learning department - Dr. Balaji was an eye-opener. He taught how just by holding the right kind of conversations with others or ourselves, we can change the course of our life to what we want.

All in all it was a great initiative, well-executed and the sheer efforts and thought that went into it is well-appreciated! It is an experience all of us would carry with us for a very long time.

An Artist's Dilemma

2009-01-30T21:49:00.004+05:30

I have always loved to write and my burning ambition is to publish a book someday. On the advice of a well-meaning friend, I created this blog a couple of years ago. I intended it to be sort of a net-practice to hone my writing skills until I was ready to pen an entire book. And so began this saga of blogging.

Strangely enough, whenever I told any of my colleagues or friends about my blog, the first thing I was asked is what do you write about? The second question was how popular is your blog? Another thing was that whenever a life-changing event occurred - e.g. 26/11 in Mumbai, my friends wanted to read my views about it on my blog. Frankly, I had never bothered about this. Blogging gave my creative juices a release and also gave me a platform to reach out to others in a quick and easy way. I had not started writing to cater to other people's demands but to satisfy my own creative lust. However, this was not enough anymore.

I began to browse through other blogs to check out their popularity. The number of comments in the other blogs soon had me thinking of ways to increase the readership of my blog. I was curious to know how many page hits were tracked for my posts everyday. I explored on the 'look' of my blog to make it less boring and run-of-the-mill. I played with html and xml code to add new widgets, fonts and layouts. I began following other blogs and commenting in them. The by product of all this was that I came to know what the other bloggers were writing about. It taught me what I'd need to do to make my blog more interactive and far-reaching.

I suddenly realized that this is probably what happens to all artists. They start off with showcasing their art to please themselves. At some point, this is not enough; they crave external feedback. Soon that becomes an obsession and they enter into competition with other artists. This competitiveness dilutes the art somewhere along the line and it becomes a game of power and fame. This is what happens with our TV serials & our films. TRP ratings and box office collections become the barometer of success. Human need for applause and greed overshadows the honest-to-goodness art.

Not succumbing to the rat-race is also perceived as 'selfish' or 'non-conformist'. After all, all artists crave acknowledgment of their work; hence they must take into account what their patrons desire. They must cater to the public or utilize their art to serve the society. Artists need to walk the thin line between being accused of being too selfish or too commercial. But one must remember that no matter how selfish or commercial, no artist can survive without the basic talent in his particular art. Without talent there is no soul to any art.

I too am struggling to achieve this fine balance.

Pickle politics

2009-01-28T15:35:00.006+05:30

The other day I went vegetable shopping. Usually this is my husband's domain as he is the one who fetches the veggies armed with a list from me. Since I was not restricted by a list, I decided to let my imagination run wild and get something different. I noticed some fresh gooseberries (amla) and had a sudden craving to make pickle out of them.

However, once I returned home, my bravado failed me and I desperately needed some directions to proceed with my task. I had once tasted amla pickle made by one of my lunch group member's mom and it had tasted good. The amla had been grated finely. This was something that could be achieved easily albeit with some effort. So I set out to grate the half dozen amlas. Once that was done, I put it aside with a sense of achievement. I'd do the rest tomorrow I told myself confidently.

In the morning, I asked my cook if she knew how to make amla pickle. "Bibiji, I make very good aam ka achar. But, I've never made from amla before. If only you had told me yesterday, I'd have asked my neighbor - she makes all sorts of pickles. She left for her village today and now I can't ask her. I'll make it once you tell me how to prepare it." Frankly, I'd expected her to be a little more experimental and use her extensive culinary skills to recommend me a recipe. She had however smartly avoided a loss of face by throwing the ball back in my court!

I didn't lose hope. That day I met a couple of friends at lunch. Both of them are proclaimed good cooks and usually discuss recipes at length whenever we meet. I asked them both about the recipe for amla pickle. One of them quipped - "You know what, why don't you dry the amlas in the sun, then simply put some salt and make it into an after-dinner mouth freshner!" It was her way of admitting that making pickles was not her cup of tea. I looked to the other one. She looked at me with woe-be-gone eyes and said "I never have the freedom to use our kitchen at home. My mother-in-law monopolizes it completely and I only ever get to make tea or cook rice." She then launched into a woeful tale of how difficult it was to share a kitchen with the MIL.

Not to be distracted by these digressions, I called on my neighbor who is the proud owner of a stack of cook books and loves to refer to them whenever she cooks. I thought she might have the recipe by heart. However, she pricked my balloon by reprimanding me for grating the amla. "You should have talked to me first, you know. You need to first marinate the amla in salt water and then cut it finely. Also, where did you get the amlas from? I know a vegetable vendor who sells them for dirt-cheap prices. As a matter of fact I got 2 dozen amlas from him just the other day. If you had told me, I'd have got some for you too. I think that the best thing for you is to buy amla pickle from the xxx store." By now, it was clear that she was rambling on cos she didn't have a clue to my question. I deemed it wise to admit my folly and retire gracefully.

However, my neighbor had given me a brilliant idea. I dropped by the local grocer's and got Kepra's lonche(pickle) masala. I then followed the instructions and made my very first amla pickle. In the evening, I proudly served it to my husband with dinner. Smacking his lips, he commented - "So this is your new recipe? It look a long time, but turned out well. You should patent it before it gets stolen by others!"

I decided to keep my secret. I too had learned a bit of politics by then!

Outlook for 2009

2009-01-23T10:18:00.008+05:30

The 2009 outlook is grim
Has been the hue and cry.
For the last few months,
the economy's been going dry.

Inflation is up,
The stocks are down,
Unemployment on the rise
Has made everyone frown.

Terror on a rampage,
Some nations verged on war;
Banks have collapsed and
No signs of revival from afar.

Multi-million scams afoot,
Oh, what a shame!
Jobs are becoming scarce
Wonder who is to blame.

There is one shining light
Amidst this gloom,
Will the historic Obama
deliver us from this doom?

Time to take stock,
To sharpen one's skills
And bide the right time
to move in for one's kills.

So lets wake up and smell the coffee
Take the longer route to work,
Let us ride this wave with a smile
And not respond with a jerk.

A parable
Two shoe salesmen are dispatched to the depth of a third world continent. Upon his arrival, one salesman calls the home office and screams, “Bring me back. No one here wears shoes.”

The other salesman calls the home office and screams, “Send me all the shoes you have. No one here wears shoes.”

This story is a primer on how to deal with disaster. Some see disaster. Others see opportunity.

Happy 2009!

Its good to be alive!

2009-01-19T21:55:00.005+05:30

Early this morning my husband informed me that his colleague's wife met with an accident while driving to office. She had to be rushed to the hospital. It was only in the afternoon that I came to know the true extent of her injuries - a fracture in the knee and her leg would be in a cast for 2 months. My husband and I went to see her in the hospital. Though she looked fine overall and seemed to have miraculously escaped any serious injuries, the fact remained that she would have to rest her injured leg for the next couple of months. The threat of surgery loomed large if there was no real recovery by then. Till then, she'd have to take a break from her job and stay home. That itself would not have been a problem except for the fact that they have a 10 month old daughter. To top it all, I learned that today is the patient's birthday. Well, this is one birthday she's not likely to forget in a hurry. All thanks to a auto-rickshaw driver who overtook her from the wrong side of the road which caused the accident.

The entire incident reminded me of my own such accident when I was in the 2nd year of college. I had come to this city to visit my grandma in the preparatory holidays. She had come to receive me at the railway station and we were going to her place in an auto-rickshaw when it collided with a scooter. The auto lost its balance, I was thrown out and the auto landed on top of my hand. I suffered multiple fractures. Thanks to the presence of mind of my grandma, who was miraculously unhurt. She rushed me to a nearby hospital and I got adequate care. The auto driver had run away from the scene and she got some bystanders to help carry me to the hospital.

Such incidents remind you that we tend to go about life in such a supercilious fashion. We make elaborate plans, secure in the knowledge that things will happen as we plan them. However, God always has other plans for us. We are but puppets in the hands of the Almighty. In the space of a second all plans go haywire, schedules get disrupted and the course of our life changes. Why does this happen? Perhaps it is to remind us of a higher power who is the ultimate planner. Or maybe these things happen to test one's fortitude and strength. Yet another view is that these things happen to preserve us from a worse fate that might have awaited us had the accident not happened. Or perhaps all of these theories are just for humoring the victims.

One thing is clear though. Such incidents do reinforce the feeling of gratitude that we are still alive. That we can still enjoy the trappings of life, the beauty of all creation and make more memories to erase this one. It also makes one humble in that our plans are never foolproof; we are but a minuscule part of the universe subject to the whims and fancies of a much greater force.

Slumdog Millionaire

2009-01-18T23:36:00.003+05:30

I just finished watching this movie. The concept is original, the direction is tight and the movie is superb!

Jamal Malik is a mere chaiwala and has just won a million rupees in the "Who wants to be a millionaire" show on TV. At the beginning of the movie he is being questioned by a couple of policemen as to how he knew all the answers to the questions inspite of coming from a Mumbai slum. The story slowly unfolds in flashback as Jamal narrates how he related each question in the show to incidents from his life.

The TV show soon becomes the backdrop for the true story of the movie - Jamal's own life. How he learns life's harsh lessons from a very tender age and the loss and resurrection of his true love. The movie teaches about the shallowness of human beings, the depth of love whether brotherly or romantic, the greed for money and power, and the manipulations for fame.

Through each frame of the movie, the characters of Jamal, his brother Salim, his lady-love Latika and the game show host - Anil Kapoor evolve. Some dialogues in the movie are priceless - viz. when the inspector asks him whose picture appears on a Rs. 1000 note, Jamal doesn't know. But he knows that the picture of Benjamin Franklin appears on a $100 note. When the game show host asks him if he has ever seen a $100 note, he remarks that it is the minimum amount of his tip!

The story is basically that of rags to riches journey of an ordinary guy but it has been woven into the fabric of the millionaire game show so cleverly that it seems extraordinary. The typical Hindi-film happy ending too does not feel contrived even though in the end Jamal risks his luck on the last question. By then the viewer is hooked by his honest and uncomplicated character and is doggedly determined for his victory. So upright is he that he even refuses to take the bait offered by the game show host to win the show.

Its a movie that reinforces the belief that truth does triumph in the end and that every dog has his day! It also reiterates the lesson that success is not coincidental; it happens because it is written in your destiny.

Cool quotes from poetry

2009-01-16T23:13:00.009+05:30

Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice.

Robert Frost

"You're everything I never knew I always wanted"

Lit

Dreams are the eraser dust I blow off my page.
They fade into the emptiness, another dark gray day.
Dreams are only memories of the plans I had back then.
Dreams are eraser dust and now I use a pen.

Kelli Schmidt-Bultena

To open your eyes and see the sky is not enough. To open your ears is still not enough. For only if you open your mind will you hear the clouds whispering love's sweet songs and dancing together across the noisy sea.

Lennox, SD

I'd rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints.

Billy Joel

Only when I grew to love you did I understand the relativity of time; then, I wished to embrace you forever, hoping that eternity would last just a few minutes more.

Anthony Constantino

Today is only yesterday's tomorrow. Don't be too sure that things aren't what they seem. Alternatives are hard to find for sorrow. So use your head to muffle all your screams.

Lothar and the Hand People

What is that you express in your eyes? It seems to me more than all the words I have read in my life.

Walt Whitman

And the people bowed and prayed
To the neon god they made
And the sign flashed out its warning
In the words that it was forming
And the sign said: The words of the prophets are written
On the subway walls and tenement halls
And whispered in the sound of silence

Simon & Garfunkel, Sounds Of Silence

God bless our good and gracious King, Whose promise none relies on; Who never said a foolish thing, Nor ever did a wise one.

John Wilmot, Earl of Rochester

"Remember everything", she says when only the memory remains

Counting Crows

It's no secret that a conscience can sometimes be a pest
It's no secret ambition bites the nails of success
Every artist is a cannibal, every poet is a thief
All kill their inspiration and sing about the grief

Bono, U2

When you come to the end of everything you know, and the next step is into the depths of darkness of the great unknown, you must believe one of two things: Either you will step out onto firm ground or you will be taught to fly.

Patrick Overton

A true friend is the one who knows the song in your heart and sings you the song when you're torn apart

Love isn't like a reservoir. You'll never drain it dry... Its much more like a natural spring. The longer and farther it flows, the stronger and deeper it becomes

Unknown

Society is an eternal night
pierced by single stars glowing in a
never-ending Darkness

Ben Rifkin

If you love something, let it go.
If it comes back to you, it's yours.
If it doesn't, it never was.

DMX website

I hope everybody can find a little flame
Me, I say my prayers,
then just light myself on fire
and walk out on the wire once again

Counting Crows, "Goodnight Elizabeth"

I couldn't tell fact from fiction,
Or if the dream was true
My only sure prediction
In this world was you.
I'd touch your features inchly
Beard love and dared the cost,
The sented spiel reeled me unreal
And I found my senses lost.

Maya Angelou, "I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings

Deep hearts, wise minds, take life as God has made it. It is a long trial; An unintelligible preparation for an unknown destiny. This destiny, the true one, begins for man at the first step in the interior of the tomb. There he begins to discern the definite. The definite, think of this word! The living see the infinite; the definite reveals itself only to the dead. Meantime, love and suffer, hope and contemplate. Woe, alas! to him who shall have loved forms, bodies, appearances only. Death will take all from him. Try to love souls, you shall find them again.

Victor Hugo - Les Miserables

And he piled upon the whales white hump. A sum of all the rage and hate felt by his own race.
If his chest had been a cannon, he would have shot his heart upon it.

Moby Dick, About Revenge and how it corrupted him to sacrifice his crew and ship.

Well I've been bound and gagged and I've been terrorized
And I've been castrated and I've been lobotomized
But never has my tormenter come in such a cunning disguise

I let love in
I let love in
[...]

So if you're sitting all alone and hear a-knocking at you door
and the air is full of promises, well
buddy, you've been warned
Far worse to be Love's lover than the lover that Love has scorned

I let love in
I let love in

Nick Cave, "Let Love In"

Communication

2009-01-08T19:39:00.006+05:30

Communication - we come across this word many times a day. In our software field, it is used quite often especially by managers, HR and clients. Though we hear of it in the context of professional skills, it is a very important skill to lead happy, enlightened lives.

Sadly most people understand it to mean fluency over English language, or something that only managers or professionals need to cultivate. Even in our day-to-day dealings with family and friends, communication skills go a long way in bridging gaps in (mis)understanding and cementing relationships. Informing your spouse and/or parent(s) of your whereabouts whenever you know you are not going to be home as expected, thanking a friend for his/her kind action, acknowledging a sibling's somber mood and inquiring about it - all these are standard examples of good communication skills.

Most people are not aware of the terms - closing the communication loop, responding, assertive communication. I have a relative - whenever I call her she ends up doing most of the talking. Now, I'm considered a chatterbox in my own family, so to be rendered speechless by this person is no small feat. Initially I used to feel frustrated when the reason I had originally called her never came up as we ended up discussing something that she brought up. I then started interrupting her to get my word in. But I found that even my interruptions were ignored. Lately I've begun to be more assertive. When I call, I take over the conversation such that she is forced to respond in yes/no kind of monosyllables. Of course, having learned from experience, I do let her have her say once I'm done with mine.

When someone invites you over email or on phone, common courtesy demands that you let the other person know clearly if you are coming or not. Even if you know that your attendance is tentative for now, it is important to respond. Whether its a friend, family or your colleague in office- everyone deserves to be shown this courtesy. If someone introduces you to someone in order too help you out, you owe it to the first person to close the communication loop by thanking him/her for introducing you.

Being able to speak in fluent English, or with/without an accent, doesn't qualify one as a good communicator. For language or words are only a tool of communication. Even deaf and dumb people, animals and babies communicate. They use body language, sign language, grunts, cries, tantrums etc to communicate. Knowing which channels of communication(viz. mail, phone, meeting) to use when also helps. Spouses arguing with each other by leaving letters not only prolong the quarrel, but also leave evidence of the quarrel (the letter) for future reference. Conflicts, emotions and all sensitive communication should be addressed in personal meetings as far as possible - this is applicable even in a professional environment. Where one-on-one meeting is not possible, phone can be used. Mail or written communication should be used as the last resort as it does not involve major clues communicated via facial expressions, eye contact & tone of voice and are subject to frequent misinterpretation.

Silence is also a form of communication. However, it should not be used to mean negation by default. Not responding to a person's invitation does not mean that you will not attend. You need to specifically say no. In the same way, when a girl is silent when you propose to her, do not jump to the conclusion that she is going to refuse you. She is probably thoughtful about your proposal and needs time to think. Silence is best used in arguments for it is the toughest argument to refute!

And finally, a word regarding acknowledgment. When I write something in my blog, I expect my readers to acknowledge it by leaving a comment :)

Choosing your life partner

2008-12-29T15:26:00.007+05:30

A couple of incidents happened last week that triggered this chain of thought inside me. I realize that this topic, especially my treatment of it, could upset some people. My only defense is that my intention is not to be judgmental; I am only thinking aloud.

'Arranged marriage' is a very commonly accepted way of finding one's spouse in India. Most of my peers have found their life partners by this process. The concept is that the prospective life partner is introduced by relatives, friends, marriage bureaus or social networking sites, etc. The prospective bride and groom then meet to determine whether they are 'right' for each other. The meetings have evolved over the times - where people used to meet in their homes earlier, nowadays they talk over the phone first, or webchat, or the guy and girl meet by themselves over a cup of coffee.

While some folks are lucky to 'click' in the first meeting itself, less unfortunate ones have to undergo several such iterations. It becomes difficult to 'reject' someone without some valid reason - as one does not want to hurt family or friends' sensibilities. This has led people to come up with several 'criteria' for selection. If someone does not fit into the criteria, then one feels justified in rejecting that person.

And what are the criteria - age, height, weight, complexion, caste, degree of education, compensation, horoscope match etc. It is a known fact that girls mature faster than boys. While this is mostly true, in today's world with so much exposure, even guys mature quickly. Infact, the sad fact is that the entire younger generation is maturing too fast, losing their innocence too early. Height is something that will matter only in photographs. Weight is definitely a matter of preference, but in today's age of diet and gymnasium culture, not unchangeable. Degree in education guaranteed job security in earlier days, it does not anymore. At one time compensation in the IT field was considered top of the line; in the next few years I doubt it will remain so. Divorces have happened where horoscopes had matched perfectly. Caste and family background can give some assurance that relations between bride and in-laws will be good; they still cannot guarantee that the wedded couple are compatible with each other.

Most of the above criteria are numbers or measurable quantities. Does true compatibility really depend on numbers? Having been married for several years now, I can say with conviction that it does NOT. Infact, people are constantly changing. So are their preferences - a person may start drinking or eating non-veg after marriage and vice versa. We live in a non-conformist era where girls marry boys younger than themselves and get along well with them. We have seen marriages that have survived economic or political upheaval, religious bias and even unforeseen success or failure.

Why then do we rely on these inaccurate criteria? What is it that can guarantee that a marriage between 2 people will work? The simple answer to this is that, as with life, there is no guarantee for marriage. The concept of marriage was originally founded out of the need to build a secure nourishing ground for children, and thereby, the society. Now, since the need is different, the concept needs to evolve too. In this age of nuclear families, with people settling far away from their native places, the need is to find a partner who can anchor you in the turbulent sea of life. One who can be a constant witness to your life, an unconditional companion and a personal champion. One needs to be open to the fact that such a partner may not be found in the first attempt itself; it may need more than one attempts(at marriage).

Where did these criteria come from? Frankly, they came from our parents or elders. They applied the same criteria when they got married. Some parents have now left it to their children to find their own life partners. They have realized that their complete disassociation with changing times render them inadequate to choose life partners for their children anymore. They cannot identify with or foresee the challenges faced by the younger generation and hence their own experiences in marriage are no more the guiding light for their children in this modern and fast- paced era. The younger generation has not realized this unfortunately and still stick to the tried and tested methods of choosing their mates.

While I agree that there should be a criteria for selection, it should be more relevant to the times and to ourselves. For eg., I knew that I will not be to able to respect a mate who is dishonest, or less intelligent than me. All I thought was can I see myself happy with this person 20 years down the line, when both of us have lost our looks and are ailing in some way or the other. IMHO, thinking about one's priorities in life and deciding on which ones are uncompromisable is the best criteria for choosing a life partner. Looks, education, compensation; even love and passion, are all transient. What lasts are the character traits and values that one is born and/or brought up with. In some cases, a person may not be willing to compromise on looks - it is a definite preference. Its fine for that person, it need not be a criteria for everyone else though. And finding a life partner is only half the battle won; the challenge is in becoming the right partner for your mate. Believe me, the latter is more confounding a quest than the former!

This year I learned...

2008-12-29T14:23:00.003+05:30

Year 2008 has been an eventful year of my life. I learned quite a few lessons of life in this year - some of them are personal and some are more generic.

Even when the seemingly most important people depart, life goes on. No one is indispensable.

Writing is the passion of my life and I should spend more time on this gift.

Friends are the the best investment of life. Though the returns from this investment are not immediate, they are longer lasting and bring far more happiness!

I finally figured out the purpose of my life (I hope!). I've been put on this earth to ease other peoples' miseries. The tool I've been given for this are my communication skills. I shall try my best to use this gift judiciously.

Though we make foolproof plans for our future; God has a way of overriding them.

There is no need to face life's miseries alone. God cannot be everywhere at once, hence He made family and friends.

Sharing one's pain halves it, whereas sharing one's happiness doubles it.

Human beings are resilient creatures. They can bounce back from almost anything and go on with life.

Hatred and resentment are the heaviest burdens to carry. Travel light in life by letting go of these.

It does not matter what or how much you know. Who you know matters most.

People may not remember your words or actions, but they will never forget how you made them feel.

As you sow, so you shall reap.

Do not focus on the reward, focus on the action. The reward will come automatically.

It is more difficult to bite your words than to give the most powerful/convincing argument.

If you don't respect yourself, no one else will. On a similar note, no one can make you feel miserable without your consent - not even God.

At the end of life it does not matter how much you earned or what your designation was. What matters is how many people genuinely cried for you at your funeral.

Konkan trip

2008-12-27T21:02:00.007+05:30

Last weekend we'd been to Konkan (Ladghar-Dapoli) with some friends. We started in the afternoon as one of the friends had a wedding to attend in the morning. The objective was to reach Dapoli by 7:30pm. However, as usual, we started late - around 2:30 pm.

We drove down in two cars. I was one of the two drivers of the first batch. It was fun driving down upto Wai. We made speedy and broke for tea there. We changed drivers after that. The ghats began after that and the subsequent drivers had it tough battling through the hairpin curves in the setting sun. Once it got dark, our progress was slow. We finally stopped to have some snacks around 7:30 as everyone was feeling hungry. After the snacks everyone felt rejuvenated. The last hour of the journey was scary as we had to drive through a narrow winding lane toward our resort in pitch-black darkness. There was no shoulder on the road to move to in case a vehicle came from the opposite direction. By the grace of God, we made it to our resort in one piece.

Dinner at the resort was welcome though late. Post dinner we got refreshed in our respective cottages and then assembled at one cottage for some games. We had each got a Secret Santa gift for someone in the group. After a round of guessing, we exchanged the gifts. There were lots of wondorous exclaimations and it certainly brought out the Christmas spirit. We then played a game proposed by me. In it, each of us had to throw out a word or sentence as a cryptic clue to the rest. The word or sentence indirectly pointed to one of us in the group and others had to guess that. Once everyone warmed up to the game, I confessed that I'd invented the game just then :) Everyone loved it. We played it for quite some time, before everyone started yawning. We called it a day.

Next morning, some of our friends complained of uninvited guests in their cottages - rats. An apple had teeth-marks that clinched the deal. Everyone vowed to keep nothing open or on the floor. We then went for a walk along the beach which was right opposite our resort. We played frisbee until hunger pangs got us. After a sumptuous breakfast, we went to take baths in our cottages. We started for Kadyavarcha Ganapati at 11 am. Its a temple located at the top of the hill, which is adjacent to the sea coast. The drive was simply breath-taking. We stopped at many vista points and took pictures. The temple itself was quite a simple place. After that we drove to another resort - Aryavart for lunch. The veg buffet was delicious and all of us felt drowsy after the hearty meal. We had to literally drag some of our friends who were lolling in the hammocks.

Back at the resort everyone wanted to hit the beach before sunset. I chose to take a brief nap first though. We played more games at the beach in the evening and broke for some piping hot pakodas and tea. Gossip and chat session followed that. Dinner had mouth-watering fried fish and solkadhi. Post dinner we played a game called Taboo. Its a fun game where there are cards with a word which the denner has to enact and his team members have to guess. The caveat is that there are 5 words that are taboo and should not be used while enacting. There is a time limit in which the denner has to enact as many words as possible and points are given based on that. There is negative marking in case one cannot enact the word or makes mistakes. The time constraint introduced pressure in the game that made it more interesting. There were some tense moments when the game got really competitive, but it was all in fun.

The next morning we had arranged to go on the boat to watch dolphins. We left around 8 am in the morning. The sea was rough and we got drenched by the waves even before starting out. The boatman took us to an area of the sea frequented by dolphins. They cut the boat engine and we had to exercise patience while keeping an alert eye for the playful dolphins. Everytime someone saw a movement in the water, or on the horizon, there were shouts of triumph. It was exhilarating to watch the dolphins leaping and hopping in the water. At one point, one of our boatmen fell into the water while manouvering the boat. We had to go back and fetch him. I actually thought that it had been a feat to attract the attention of the dolphins, but it turned out to be a genuine fall afterall!

We were all ravenous by the time we got back to the bank(no, it was NOT the dolphins that made us hungry!) A hearty meal of konkan pancakes with chutney awaited us. We had decided to take it easy for the day and we literally lazed around in the courtyard of the resort. Inspiration hit me again - I guess the bracing sea air accelerated the functioning of my brain. A la 'Friends' style, I proposed that one of our friends should come up with a list of trivia questions for 2 teams about each of us. It was to test how much did we really know about ourselves. While this friend got busy with this task, we played another round of Taboo. Once the former game was ready, we played that. It was interesting to know how much we knew about each other and to learn whatever we had not known. After that we played yet another of my games - third degree. One person said a word, his neighbor had to say the first thing that came to mind related to that word and so on. No word should be repeated. This too gave an insight to people's thought process and their outlook or bias toward life.

The gamethon was interrupted only when lunch was announced. After lunch, everyone broke for some rest and refreshments (none of us had bathed till then!) Evening saw us at the beach again. Frisbee, walks and lots of chatting. We wanted to have chat, but none of us had carried any money:( We played Antakshari at the sea-side. Once it got cold outside, we resumed the games in the cottage. This time we played a variation of Dumbcharades - the Moods round, proposed by none other than yours truly. We would enact words related to emotions, with our hands tied and without speaking. Soon, everyone warmed up to this game. We went on playing this till dinner was announced. Everyone's acting skills; especially facial expressions, were taxed to the limit in this game. There were some risque emotions to be enacted that elicited sniggers and blushes. Post dinner too, by common consent, we continued with this game until everyone had exhausted their repertoire of emotions.

On our last morning at the resort, everyone was reluctant to leave, such was our bonding over the last few days. We kept putting off our departure as late as we could. We finally left around 11. We stopped at Mahabaleshwar around 2 pm for lunch and games. We first had strawberries and cream and some chat and then played carnival games such as shooting the balloons, board hockey etc. We won a lot of chocolates at this. We finally had lunch at Mapro garden around 3 pm. We started for Pune around 4. I drove one of the cars for the last lap of the journey over the Pasarni ghat and then right upto Pune where we all split for our respective homes.

Elongated power outages, an irritatingly noisy group that tested the limits of our patience, the nuisance of rats, a finicky dog who rejected most of our offerings and broken bathroom plumbing that resulted in change of rooms, were the only blights on the peaceful horizon of our trip. To say that this was a memorable trip would be an understatement. It was not just a trip but perhaps the beginning of a new and lasting relationship. We shared so much about each other and enjoyed a rare rapport throughout the trip. Konkan is a beautiful place with sprawling coconut & banana trees, verdant valleys and scenic highways. But as they say, its not the place that makes a journey memorable, its the company!

Black and White

2008-12-16T12:25:00.009+05:30

Yesterday, we attended a show titled 'Black and White' at the famous Bal Gandharva theatre in the city. It was a charity event hosted for the organization - Aadhar, a support group working for the education of deaf and mute children.

The show composed of local singers singing old Hindi melodies from the black and white films era. The set and costumes of the singers were all in variations of black, gray and white. While the singers sang the melodies, the original song's visual was shown in the backdrop. There was a Master of Ceremony, who performed an excellent job of taking the audience through the various songs. He kept the audience entertained through his repertoire of a variety of expressions - both facial as well as verbal.

The singers did ample justice to the legendary singers such as Rafi, Kishore, Mukesh, Lata, Asha, Geeta Dutt etc. They swayed and mimed to the songs of an earlier era during rendition of the songs. In doing so, they walked the fine line between looking ridiculous in the out-of-style costumes & get up and getting into the skin of the characters on whom the song was originally picturized.

It was like being transported into a different- much older and simpler - India. It felt wonderful to watch the old songs on the big screen and made one wonder how far we have come in Hindi cinema these days. Though we are technologically sound, our actors are better dancers and look spiffy in almost any clothing; the old ones had their own charm. Their beauty and acting did not come out of boxes or textbooks - they were true artists and natural in their expressions and style. They were the pioneers who set many precedents in Indian cinema. They were later copied by artists of future generations be they writers, singers, actors or directors.

There is an altogether different charm in watching things in black and white. Things appear clean and sanitized. Emotion, action and dialogue appears restrained and it is left to the imagination of the audience to amplify their intensity or take them at face value. In between sharing trivia regarding the old movies and artists, the MC made a few pithy comments about the quality of the artists, films and even the audience of that time. He said that people wanted characters that were either good(hero/heroine) or bad(villian/vamp) or comedians. Hence the characters too were black and white in that era with almost no scope for gray shades that are so close to reality. It was a time when people went to watch movies in order to escape into a more idealistic, virtual world.

It was a time when movies had evolved from plays which were mostly musicals. Hence the earlier movies had more songs and there was such an emphasis on good lyrics and melody. Did you know that the first talkie Hindi movie - Alam Ara- had 50 songs? It was lovely to see a much younger and handsome Dharamendra and Mala Sinha crooning to my favorite number - 'Aapki nazron ne samjha pyaar ke kabil mujhe'! And other songs like 'Mana janab ne pukara nahin', 'Ude jab jab zulfen teri', 'Wo bhuli dastan, lo phir yaad aa gayi', 'Haal kaisa hai janab ka', 'E malik, tere bande hum', 'Waqt ne kiya, kya haseen sitam', 'Na jao saiyyan, chhuda ke baiyyan', etc.

All in all, it was a fun evening, passed in the company of like-minded friends. Apart from the fact that my hubby could not keep from praising the gorgeous Madhubala, I had a great time:) I left with the resolution to watch at least half the movies whose songs I'd listened to. My only regret - they did not play any of Sadhna's songs. Would have loved to hear 'Bahut shukriya, badi meherbani...', 'Tera mera pyar amar' and 'Tujhe jeevan ki dor se baandh liya hai'. Also songs from movies such as Anupama, Khamoshi, Hum Dono, Tere ghar ke saamne, Jab Pyar Kisise hota hai, Dil Apna-Preet Parayi were conspicuous by their absence.

Another year younger

2008-12-06T09:26:00.003+05:30

I turned a year younger yesterday. 'Younger'?? you may well ask. Its true really. I hadn't felt this young and exuberant even when I was in college. Besides age is all in the mind they say. What does youth stand for really - youthful looks, enthusiasm and the joie de vivre? By this reasoning, I definitely feel younger than I've ever done before. Reverse-aging is what my hubby calls it.

My birthday is one day in the year, when all the people whom I hold dear, and who care for me, never fail to remind me of it. From 12 am in the morning till 10 pm in the night, my phone keeps ringing with calls and text messages. Its one day in the year, when you wish that someone would call you up...and they do! Its wonderful to be thought of so much on this beautiful day. Every passing year adds at least a couple more people to this growing number.

I'm not much into expecting gifts or surprises for birthdays (though I love to gift other people). Its enough if people remember the day and think of me. I myself have a photographic memory for dates and seldom forget to wish others on their birthdays, anniversaries or other special occasions. Hence, it really means a lot when others reciprocate. Most people, I've found, are shy at expressing their fondness or love into words. But on such days, it comes across in the warmth of their greetings, the wealth of sincerity in their wishes, the depth of feeling they put into gifts or flowers, the competitive spirit they get into when they ask me - was I the first one to wish you?

Thank you, all my lovely friends and family, for making my day special for me this year too!

The hate brigade

2008-12-03T18:56:00.002+05:30

While mulling over the most recent terrorist attack in India, I came to a sudden realization. People of my generation have seen the most upheaval in the last 2 decades. Blessed was our parents’ generation – all they had to worry about was how to put the next meal on the table, which schools/colleges to send their children to, marrying off their sons/daughters to a good family, praying for death before old age renders them house- bound etc. At least, they didn’t have to face the prospect of being turned out of their jobs or cancer or AIDs. At least they didn't have to fear being held as hostages on planes, ships or in 5-star hotels. At least they didn’t have to cross their fingers for getting to live to old age without falling victim to a stray bullet, bomb or landmine.

We heard about the 1993 blasts in Mumbai local train. We were mute witnesses when the Twin Towers were brought down. We were around to see and hear about the Godhra incident and subsequent carnage in Gujarat. We witnessed the longest running US-Iraq war, the dissension between Israel-Palestine, the debacle of Afghanistan.

Then, in this year itself, we gobbled up the news of bomb blasts in Islamabad, Bengaluru, Jaipur, Ahmedabad, Delhi, Guwahati, Malegaon. Each time we called up our friends and/or family in these cities to check that they are safe. And just when the whole world witnessed the paradigm shift in the world’s most powerful nation’s leadership, we witnessed the horrific massacre of 26/11 at Mumbai on our television screens.

The reasons/causes for all of the above – racism, religious intolerance, envy, HATRED.

I’ve been following the news on television, lapping up the newspapers and read almost anything I come across on email, or the net, regarding the latest siege at Mumbai. I will not even try to analyze what I feel about it – horror, anger, shame, helplessness, terror, and uncertainty - does not even come close. But one thing that is coming across in all the print is the rising hatred. This insistence of “not forgetting” this time round, not taking this lying down, threats of imminent war against a certain nation, the demand for political heads to roll, an increased emphasis on action – aren’t we all propagating this saga of hatred and violence all over again?

I recently finished reading Chetan Bhagat’s “Three mistakes of my life”. In it, there is an interesting statement made by a mother to her son – “Many times we get hurt in life, mostly by people who are most dear to us. But that does not mean that we hold on to that hurt and chop off the relationship itself.” In the movie – “Mumbai meri jaan”, Paresh Rawal’s character says something truly insightful – “If someone slaps your cheek, and you slap his cheek back, and he does the same…and so on…this chain of hatred will never end. It will just keep growing and growing to such proportions which neither the first person nor the second person will have intended it to take.”

My heart bleeds for my nation; I am deeply sympathetic to all those who suffered. I feel hurt and defiled by the recent attack. I want to punish those who did this. But I do NOT wish to perpetuate this hatred so that my children have to go through what my generation has faced. We need to disperse this hate brigade in our quest for retribution.

Agreed, action is the mandate of the hour. But proper introspection and planning are essential to execute it toward achieving security and peace for our nation and the world.

Days like this...

2008-11-27T13:26:00.005+05:30

It was one of those days...To begin with, I overslept after a night of nightmares. Worse- there was no hubby to reassure me as he had left for the Gym already. I had missed yet another of my morning jogs that day. On top of it, the power went out early and I had to boil water on the gas in order to take a bath. Curse these MSEB valas, why can't they follow a schedule for load shedding - can't they even do this right?

And so it continued throughout the day. Received an angry mail from a friend and some not-so-complimentary mails from colleagues. Had a spat with the boss in the morning that left me feeling even worse. You would think that after serving 3.5 years in this organization, I would be treated with more respect. How ungrateful and ruthless these higher-ups are...

One of my colleagues inquired (with relish, I felt) - "What happened? You look like something the cat dragged in." How I hate it when people know exactly when I am not feeling my best? "Oh, why can't I be like those disgustingly cheerful and stoic faces that reflect good cheer even when they are dying inside?" I groaned for the umpteenth time.

By now you must have got the drift. Absolutely nothing was going right. It was enough to send one deep into the doldrums. A meeting got rescheduled and the venue was changed to our other building. Now I had to walk all the way there and meet more people who would comment on my ill-health. The prospect did not fill me with joy.

I gritted my teeth and walked to the other building. For some reason, even though the premises are excellent, there is something wrong with the algorithm for the 4 elevators in that building. No matter what time you go there or to which floor, it always takes at least 5 min waiting to get an elevator to fetch you. Showing the first signs of patience, I waited for one of the elevators to deliver me to yet another hell.

Soon one came. The doors opened and our liftman flashed his usual colgate smile in welcome. Since I was feeling far from smiling myself, I just nodded. I did realise that I had probably hurt him by not reciprocating, but I was not feeling very charitable just then. My misfortune continued as the elevator stopped at each floor to receive or deliver more people. I resolutely kept my face averted to discourage any chit-chat. As we reached my floor and the doors opened, I hurried out. I heard a small voice calling out - "Madam". I turned. It was the liftman. From inside his shirt, he pulled out an envelope. He handed it to me. I looked at him questioningly. "My daughter is getting married, madam. Please grace her wedding with your presence, I'd be much honored!" I was speechless. Belatedly, I realised that the elevator doors were still open. I hastily congratulated him - had to search my limited Marathi vocabulary for the word for Congratulations. And then I did something that I hadn't done all day - I SMILED :)

The man in the elevator, who perhaps had a limited number of wedding invitation cards, had actually thought me worthwhile enough to share one with me! It really warmed the cockles of my cold heart.

Needless to say, no one commented on my morose looks for the remainder of the day :)

Until divorce do us apart

2008-11-27T10:58:00.006+05:30

Note- This was written in a light vein and not intended to cause offense to any parties whatsover. If any offence was caused, it is heartily regretted.

In the last week, I got to hear that two of our acquaintances(married to different people) are heading toward a divorce. In both cases, they have been married for less than a year. In both cases, the couple had been wildly excited about their marriages and the wedding ceremonies were quite elaborate. I am not on such terms with either parties that I would get to know the details as to what went wrong. However, even considering today's jet-setting lifestyle, contemplating divorce within a year seems... ummm.. superfast.

I had an interesting conversation with my aunt about this. She said that nowadays girls are not as adjusting as before and in most cases refuse to toe the line. They are too demanding of their privacy & independence; too proud of their salaries. Interestingly, my mother-in-law commented that the in-laws are a problem and the couple should move out of the family house to ensure marital harmony. Some said that it is up to the groom to breach the gap between his parents and his wife. Whenever this does not happen, its a disaster waiting to happen and most often results in the wife's walking out on her hubby. As usual, there are as many opinions as there are people.

On the other hand, there are many instances of divorcee men and women getting remarried. So much so, that some of my single friends have complained that their divorcee friends are back in the marriage market and hence the competition for them has increased! Not only is divorce more rampant than before; but re-marriages are on the rise too. No longer are people from failed relationships scared of burning their fingers again.

This new trend made my newly wedded brother comment one day - "How can they even think of getting married to another person? It is so tough, as it is, to get adjusted with one partner!" This is so true. Relationships, in general, are not easy. And a relationship with your life partner is made tougher by the fact that there is a constant pressure to make it work. Even though divorce is not an ugly word anymore, I know many who have suffered enormously. One friend actually commented that she would never wish divorce on an enemy also, as it takes away a lot from you. She is now happily remarried, but the scars are still there.

Divorce is not necessarily the end, however. Infact in many cases, it was the beginning of a new, improved chapter in life. I read somewhere recently that most marriages are still around, as the parties involved did not have the guts to take a divorce. It does not necessarily mean that they are happy. Some seek happiness outside their marriages, while some thrive on the martyrdom of sticking with their partners till the end. To each his own.

Mentoring - its rewards

2008-11-27T10:12:00.005+05:30

The other day, a former team member gifted me with my favorite chocolate bar. Ever since she moved to her new project, we seldom meet. Hence I was a bit surprised at this gesture. She explained that when she was reporting to me, I used to be very particular about mails sent by her to client. I used to review them minutely and reprimand her whenever she made obvious errors. My steady mentoring and constant criticism had sharpened her writing skills. So much so that her current manager as well as client had appreciated her crisp and precise mails! She wanted to thank me for this improvement in her.

I remember a year ago, an ex-colleague and friend had written me a long email. He had received an excellent performance feedback from his manager at his new organization during the annual appraisal cycle. He said that the first person he thought of was me and felt that I deserved most of the credit for this performance. During our lunch and leisure hours whenever we had talked, my thoughts and words regarding leadership & professional conduct had left a lasting impression on him.

To say that I was extremely touched by these incidents would be an understatement. These incidences are more rewarding than even the highest salary hike or the much-awaited promotion. To have actually been the cause of happiness to another living, breathing soul is indeed the highest recognition! As a leader and a manager, or even as an individual, one tends to influence so many around us unconsciously. Every time we help someone with well-meant advice, constructive criticism or simply by being a listening board for their rants, we are influencing that person with our thoughts and actions. They could be good or bad thoughts/actions and in most cases leave a lasting impact. Hence, it is so important to govern our acts and thoughts such that we do not mess up someone's lives with our judgemental comments or destroy their morale forever.

I admire those in the academic profession, who deal with such instances constantly. Needless to say, I'm more convinced than ever that my calling in life is to make a difference to others' lives by being their mentor and friend.

Dostana - Ye tedhi, medhi raahe....

2008-11-19T14:35:00.008+05:30

When I was in school, 'friends' were those with whom I walked or bicycled to school everyday. Or the ones I shared my lunch with. During SSC and junior college, they were those who attended the same coaching classes as me. In Engg. college, they were those who frequented my place to demand notes for lectures bunked. Whereas a best or a close friend was someone with whom I shared more personal stuff - my first crush, my differences with my dad, my dreams, my favorites books or movies and my pet peeves.

As I grew older, friends were not that easy to make. In the workplace, one is stuck with those in one's immediate group. And once you are married, you need to ensure that your spouse feels comfortable with your friends and vice versa as there is very little 'only-friends' time. Of course, today's social networking sites and online communities have given yet another dimension to this increasingly complex picture!

Over the years, I've developed quite a few friendships that are very dear to me. However, I've also fought with those friends at some point or another. Some unfortunately have petered out as we fell out of touch due to time and distance constraints(many of my friends are settled abroad). Due to changing priorities in mine as well as my friends' lives, and also, our own evolving personalities - the line between friends and 'close' friends has blurred somewhat. One tends to confide in whoever is 'available' at that point in time.

Lately I've been introspecting on my equation with some of my friends and came up with some startling revelations. In this age of instant friendship over the net, we have forgotten that friendship is a very serious business. It may not be a legal contract, but it is still an emotional one. And where emotions are involved there are bound to be expectations, possessiveness, disappointment, betrayal, trust...infact the whole hog. I have realised that I've sailed on this wave of friendship as a silent spectator thus far- seldom voicing my expectations, or expressing my disappointment and never trying to bridge the gaping holes in understanding. This of course leads to confrontations, fights and lot of heartache. After all, who has the time for all this?

But, as with all relationships, one should take a health-check once in a while. I've been doing this in mine. So my friends, if it has seemed that I've been troubling you out of turn, be patient with me. I do value you and cannot live without you!

Jaane kyon...dil jaanta hai...tu hai to I'll be alright.

Bad hair day

2008-11-19T14:24:00.004+05:30

Yesterday was a BAD day for me. I ended up exchanging bitter words with no less than 4 dear people - 2 friends, my dad and my husband. I ended the day in tears. I still don't understand why I was so upset yesterday. Maybe it was just one of the days when nothing seems to go right. Whatever you do, it is either full of mistakes, goes unappreciated or else wholly unsatisfactory. It is on days such as these when one appreciates friends who dare to cheer you in the face of having to be the brunt of your bitter tongue. Spent the evening with some friends at CCD and felt better eventually.

I hope I never have such days again.