The twilight zone

 

I recently had the fortune to spend time with my mother-in-law, who stayed with us for an extended period this monsoon. Pushing 90, she has always preferred her regimented routine at her place, over the many years I have known her. Being a spontaneous person myself, schedules and time-keeping have always daunted me:)

She had suffered a mild stroke, in the aftermath of falling unconscious in the bathroom, a couple of months ago. Though she was completely mobile and unhurt post the incident, she has no recall of it. She had spells of amnesia and her cognitive function had been affected. So much so that she stopped watching her favorite Marathi serials on TV, and even playing cards. She used to sleep most of the day. But she slowly recovered most of her vitality and cognitive processing ability after 2 months of resting. She is now back to her old self, walking actively with her trusty stick - and even resumed her TV serials and card playing. Her vision has been failing for a few years now and even her hearing ability is limited - which makes moving places even more challenging for her. Her one love in life is eating - though her system does not support it anymore. Luckily, she has attained control over her wayward eating, and also hears better even without her hearing aid, post the mishap. Something good came from the fall, after all. 

What's truly commendable is that she traveled by road in heavy rains, both times, when visiting us! Especially so, since she has been so averse to leaving her home/city/locality for the majority of her life. We are apart in age by 4 decades, and have grown up in different states - we are like chalk and cheese. There are very few things in common between us - I am a proficient writer but she does not read English. Yet, we both love talking and socialising with people - that bonds us together. 

This visit was an eye-opener for me regarding the challenges of our elders, how difficult elder care is, and the importance of planning for this stage in life. It is important to invest in good relationships with the key people in life - as they are the ones who take care of you eventually. One ends up living for the spouse and children all one's life, but equation with extended family members, friendships nurtured over the years, and the ability to adjust to care-takers, and others' way of life - are things that sustain one in these twilight years. 

I learned that though the hearing aid helps, it also amplifies the surrounding sounds viz. rain, construction work, ambulance siren etc. which bothers the wearer. While the cool breeze is comfortable for us, it is not so for the elderly skin. Aches and pains, and loneliness, are one's constant companions and hence addiction to things like food or TV arise. Its good to cultivate hobbies which will not be too taxing on the aging body - to prepare for this period. Staying active, and constant movement, is the way to beat the blues. Unfortunately in her case, due to her impaired vision, this as well as reading, is ruled out. The times her serials are aired on TV are important as they run ads too in between. She can also flip between the channels on her own. It helps to pass the time for her, as opposed to the ad-free and schedule-free content(same serials) of OTT. I also learned that memory is a strange thing - the older you get, the more you remember your childhood days and things that should have been long forgotten. And you forget what happened yesterday or this morning!

God, grant me the forbearance and fortitude for this phase in life. If possible, I would not like to experience it at all. But I am grateful for everything that has come my way so far. Am sure there is Divine wisdom in why some people die early while others live long lives, though it eludes me for now.