When I was in school, 'friends' were those with whom I walked or bicycled to school everyday. Or the ones I shared my lunch with. During SSC and junior college, they were those who attended the same coaching classes as me. In Engg. college, they were those who frequented my place to demand notes for lectures bunked. Whereas a best or a close friend was someone with whom I shared more personal stuff - my first crush, my differences with my dad, my dreams, my favorites books or movies and my pet peeves.
As I grew older, friends were not that easy to make. In the workplace, one is stuck with those in one's immediate group. And once you are married, you need to ensure that your spouse feels comfortable with your friends and vice versa as there is very little 'only-friends' time. Of course, today's social networking sites and online communities have given yet another dimension to this increasingly complex picture!
Over the years, I've developed quite a few friendships that are very dear to me. However, I've also fought with those friends at some point or another. Some unfortunately have petered out as we fell out of touch due to time and distance constraints(many of my friends are settled abroad). Due to changing priorities in mine as well as my friends' lives, and also, our own evolving personalities - the line between friends and 'close' friends has blurred somewhat. One tends to confide in whoever is 'available' at that point in time.
Lately I've been introspecting on my equation with some of my friends and came up with some startling revelations. In this age of instant friendship over the net, we have forgotten that friendship is a very serious business. It may not be a legal contract, but it is still an emotional one. And where emotions are involved there are bound to be expectations, possessiveness, disappointment, betrayal, trust...infact the whole hog. I have realised that I've sailed on this wave of friendship as a silent spectator thus far- seldom voicing my expectations, or expressing my disappointment and never trying to bridge the gaping holes in understanding. This of course leads to confrontations, fights and lot of heartache. After all, who has the time for all this?
But, as with all relationships, one should take a health-check once in a while. I've been doing this in mine. So my friends, if it has seemed that I've been troubling you out of turn, be patient with me. I do value you and cannot live without you!
Jaane kyon...dil jaanta hai...tu hai to I'll be alright.
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4 comments:
I disagree. I guess it is the carelessness plus the lack of expectation friendship brings to you which makes it so special. You rest in peace in knowledge of the fact that you aren't being judged constantly but have been accepted for who you are and what you stand for. The contract bit is especially difficult to reconcile with...
:) I seem to be having different notion of 'friendship' than 'rene'. I do 'judge' my friends often and dont have any issues being judged by my friends. That helps me decide if there is something - mostly a fault in me - that I need to fix or what all ropes I need to cut. Friend is not at all a person I take for granted no matter what I do ! If you just need someone to nod for every action of yours, without judging you, a robot is the solution, not a friend :) I also dont understand 'no expectations'. If you dont expect anything anyway, what differentiates a friend from a foe ? Do you not expect your friends to be 'sane' or 'kind' or so ?
Dear Nilu,
It looks like this entry is eliciting some strong opinions about friendship which, in a way, is a barometer of the importance of what you have written. I agree with most of what you have written. I will add, however, that taking a friendship for granted can be a big mistake. Friendships need nurturing, thoughtfulness and occasional if not frequent encouragement.
Whenever I forget a friend's special day, keep putting off calling up a friend, I am 'increasing the distance' between us. While our friendship should not be dependent on such small gestures, it does derive strength from them.
Neel,
Arent we all so similar.. Hum sab ke liye how important friendships were / are.. Everything you wrote is very true.. !.. I still remember how I would struggle to make friends who would gel with both of us.. Not so true anymore.. Both of us have got more settled in our lives.. and can give each other a lot of time and space..
Old friendships hold so much more value these days.. coz, none of us seem to have the patience to build new ones..
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